Get off my LAWN! "Grumpy Old Farts"

[bobyoung53]

Hail here, is often baseball size or larger. A suburb of Ft. Worth called Keller, got hot pretty hard last night.

Back in May of 94, Ft. Worth got hit by softball sized hail, that actually killed one person, and destroyed hundreds of vehicles. Some even penetrated the roofs and ceilings of houses.
Most people around here keep one eye on their TV, iPhone, or some other device this time of year, or anytime storms are brewing.

I like it out here in Lima, no precipitation, a little bit of mist that lasts 15 minutes is a major storm to them. They call it rain.

 

[bobyoung53]

My brother-in-law told me about "the lightning bolt" they had here about 40 years ago.

 

[notJaco]

I think drummer jokes are more my speed:

Q. How do you know when the stage is level?

A. When the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

alternate A.
No drum roll?

 

[shadowtippy]

Hail here, is often baseball size or larger. A suburb of Ft. Worth called Keller, got hot pretty hard last night.

Back in May of 94, Ft. Worth got hit by softball sized hail, that actually killed one person, and destroyed hundreds of vehicles. Some even penetrated the roofs and ceilings of houses.
Most people around here keep one eye on their TV, iPhone, or some other device this time of year, or anytime storms are brewing.

My step daughter and her son both went to school in the Keller school district even though they lived in Fort Worth. I'm sure my wife would remember that storm.

 

[bobyoung53]

alternate A.
No drum roll?

Q. How do you know when a drummer is at your door?

A. When the knock speeds up.

 

[bobyoung53]

A drummer decided he wanted to be a musician and walked into a music store. He started looking around and told the owner he wanted to buy the red trumper and the silver accordion. The owner answered "I can sell you the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays."

Rimshot.....

 

[SoulReflection]

You have to have a refined sense of humor like I do to get it.

My closest refinery is 20 miles away...

 

[gtmalone]

Did you hear about the drummer who locked the keys in his car? He had to break the window to let the bass player out. Hey O! Thank you, I'm here all week!

I have other jokes like this but I can't promise they will be this good.

 

[gtmalone]

 

[Charlie Tango]

Q: What do you call a drummer who doesn't have a girlfriend?

A: Homeless.

 

[Polish Thunder]

Q: What is the difference between a bass player and a large pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

 

[shadowtippy]

Did you hear about the drummer who locked the keys in his car? He had to break the window to let the bass player out. Hey O! Thank you, I'm here all week!

I have other jokes like this but I can't promise they will be this good.

It's a good thing the top was down. It kept the bass player from overheating.

 

[GwenOnBass]

Mum told me never to kiss a French horn player

 

[notJaco]

Mum told me never to kiss a French horn player

I hear that they have a flare for being good kissers.

 

[Winslow]

Mum told me never to kiss a French horn player

It's not the kissin' you gotta watch out for. It's the habit they have with that hand...

 

[notJaco]

It's not the kissin' you gotta watch out for. It's the habit they have with that hand...

Oh yeah, forgot about that.

 

[beans-on-toast]

I’m wondering, if you’re a horn player and live in France, aren’t you a French horn player?

_________

Some girls like french horn players. (Joke written by a french horn player)

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"

The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

 

[SoulReflection]

Mum told me never to kiss a French horn player

Or, French kiss any horn player...mums are mums and there to protect you .

 

[GwenOnBass]

Or, French kiss any horn player...mums are mums and there to protect you .

"I dare you to [run off with] my little boy"

 

[GonePlaid]

"I dare you to [run off with] my little boy"

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A friend of mine was telling me about his 'first time': "It was late on a dark and stormy night. I was alone."