• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Help me craft my exit email

#141
QORC said:
5.5 years with this band. Mostly good. Some really large venues. But I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace. I want something more than the typical "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck" message. Anyone want to assist me?
Click to expand...

I've left bands a number of times when I just didn't want to be a part of them anymore. I always kept it to "Hey, it's been great but there's something else I want to do." Yeah, sometimes the "it's been great" part was BS, but I figured it was justified as sparing people's feelings. It always proved better to not get into the details.

I don't see much difference between giving notice F2F, by email, or by text.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 51PRI
#144
QORC said:
5.5 years with this band. Mostly good. Some really large venues. But I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace. I want something more than the typical "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck" message. Anyone want to assist me?
Click to expand...
Peace out yo!

Or simply

I quit.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: DJ Bebop
#145
I dunno.... what you describe is the frustrations of "work". If this is your "JOB" and you've only got 5.5 years on it, I think ya need to shut up and go to work. Its not uncommon to hate our job and/or our boss. Now if it isn't your "JOB", then I'd tell em. "I've elected to make some changes in my life, one of the most painful is the decision to leave the band. Although I love playing music, I am no longer willing to tolerate the frustration I feel working with this band. I also realize that when you're no longer enjoying music that its time to make some changes. Individually, you are some great musicians and I'll miss playing with you. But after the XXX show I will resign".
 
  • Like
Reactions: EddiePlaysBass
#151
Bass Viking said:
Man, that sounds suspicious as hell! That’s practically asking for the third degree. :laugh:
Click to expand...

Well in context it worked. It was me saying I'm done and my reasons are private. BL pressed, I reemphasized privacy, and that was it.

I value privacy and don't feel a need to divulge any of my personal thoughts to anyone unless necessary. I've also found that most people don't care what you think, they ask questions to get something to argue with. Withhold content that gives them something to argue about and they just stand there with a stupid look on their face and say "ok".
 
  • Like
Reactions: Marko 1 and Bass Viking
#152
mrperkolator said:
Well in context it worked. It was me saying I'm done and my reasons are private. BL pressed, I reemphasized privacy, and that was it.

I value privacy and don't feel a need to divulge any of my personal thoughts to anyone unless necessary. I've also found that most people don't care what you think, they ask questions to get something to argue with. Withhold content that gives them something to argue about and they just stand there with a stupid look on their face and say "ok".
Click to expand...
Glad it worked out. I’m thinking it won’t go as smoothly for the OP given that he’s been in this band for over 5 years and it appears the lead singer is a piece of work. On the other hand, there’s another bassist standing by so maybe there won’t be much resistance.

“I’ve also found that most people don’t care what you think, they ask questions to get something to argue with.” In the same vein: when people give you a chance to speak during a conversation it’s not because they care about what you’re saying, it’s because they’re busy planning what they’re going to say next.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mrperkolator and badinage
#153
Bass Viking said:
...In the same vein: when people give you a chance to speak during a conversation it’s not because they care about what you’re saying, it’s because they’re busy planning what they’re going to say next.
Click to expand...

And How. I have learned to actively and always work on not doing that: When I should have been listening I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next. Not only is this a disservice to the other person who deserves to be heard, but I realize how much I'm shortchanging MYSELF when I do that. Missing out on so much useful information by failing to de-center. It takes a conscious but worthwhile effort. For me anyway.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mrperkolator and Bass Viking
#154
badinage said:
And How. I have learned to actively and always work on not doing that: When I should have been listening I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next. Not only is this a disservice to the other person who deserves to be heard, but I realize how much I'm shortchanging MYSELF when I do that. Missing out on so much useful information by failing to de-center. It takes a conscious but worthwhile effort. For me anyway.
Click to expand...
+1. What the other person says should determine what you say next.

There’s a parallel in music I.e. playing in a band/jam situation where people aren’t listening and reacting to one another, just doing their own thing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: badinage
#155
Bass Viking said:
Glad it worked out. I’m thinking it won’t go as smoothly for the OP given that he’s been in this band for over 5 years and it appears the lead singer is a piece of work. On the other hand, there’s another bassist standing by so maybe there won’t be much resistance.
Click to expand...
Another band I quit more recently (I guess I am an expert at quitting bands?) was a situation I agonized over months. I liked the people and couldn't bring myself to do it, even though their level of expertise was lacking. But finally I had a minor disagreement with the BL and I decided to just tell him I was leaving. He had someone else in by the next rehearsal. It's not usually the big deal we turn it into in our heads.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 31HZ, lo_freq_geek and DJ Bebop
#156
Five years is a good run for a cover band. For me it has always been a balancing act between the enjoyment and satisfaction of playing and the hassles of being in a band. Once the hassles and frustrations outweigh the enjoyment and fun I make my exit. I would keep it positive and tell them that you want to focus on your health and well being.
 
#157
QORC said:
i think this will be similar, except that the lead singer is a bit childish (and on her third marriage. definitely a bit emotional, controlling and high maintenance). she might take a parting shot at me. but it doesn't matter. I'm going to not fire back. I'm leaving this with grace and dignity.
Click to expand...
Interesting how long this thread has continued, considering the OP had a perfectly usable "adios" in his question and the first couple replies addressed both the humor and the honest intent of the question.
I suspect that LOTS of us have been in this spot, so we all have some emotional investment in the process and outcome.

I think the key question is: what do you WANT to happen?
Do you want them to change so that you can stay?
Do you want them to beg you to stay?
Are you just tired and done with it?

Because each of those goals would require a different approach.
From what I'm gathering, the ratio of effort/reward has deteriorated and you just want out.
So, a statement vs. a discussion is fine.

Tell them some specific yet vague reasons and state it as a decision, not a negotiation:
"Guys, we've had a good run, but the drive gets longer every time and my heart just isn't in it any more.
I'm guessing that (standing in the wings dude) will be up and running in no time, but I'm happy to send him setlists/chord charts/ cheat sheets if it helps him get him up to speed. Best of luck to you all"
 
#158
QORC said:
I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace.
Click to expand...

Try wording it like this. The only reason not to is if you have some BS of your own in the mix. Hope it works out for you!
 
#159
QORC said:
5.5 years with this band. Mostly good. Some really large venues. But I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace. I want something more than the typical "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck" message. Anyone want to assist me?
Click to expand...

Hey, guys. I've enjoyed playing with you all for the past ________. It's time for me to move on. I've committed to covering the following gigs.

List gigs here

Thanks,
Your name here

Easy. Don't list a bunch of reasons and other stuff. You're not going to change anything by leaving. Keep it simple.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ELG60 and DJ Bebop

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back