Help me craft my exit email

[GeorgesEric]

It’s not you it’s…

Mi
Fa
Sol
La
Si
Do
Ré
Ré#…

…repeat and fade.

;-)

 

[jpmcbride]

5.5 years with this band. Mostly good. Some really large venues. But I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace. I want something more than the typical "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck" message. Anyone want to assist me?

Something I've learned over time. If what you have to say isn't going to change anything then don't bother. You'll get some advice from others to tell the BL's what the issues are. But honestly, it's not going to change anything - they're not going to change and you're not going to stay in the band. So why waste your time and energy crafting a message they're not going to hear anyway? Just exit gracefully on that high note as you said. Just my opinion.

 

[Hambone70]

Call them the next day after your last gig and just tell them you're done.
You don't necessarily owe them an explanation as to why you're quitting, if you don't want to get into it.

Disagree. No matter what the situation, I’d be gracious enough to give them time to find a replacement.

 

[DigitalMan]

If you have to do this remotely for logistical purposes, then a phone call is better than an email.

 

[laristotle]

I can't believe all the butt gazing going on here.
Tell them your done. Finite!

 

[DJ Bebop]

5.5 years with this band. Mostly good. Some really large venues. But I'm tired of the BS. My tolerance level is low for the nonsense eminating from the husband and wife who run the band. I have some inner anger and I won't go into the details. I simply want to finish the two large gigs that are in the next two weekends and to leave on a high note and with grace. I want something more than the typical "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck" message. Anyone want to assist me?

How about something like: "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck"
Or:

 

[TheOxRocks]

It sounds almost like the band I was fired from in 2014. Husband and wife ran the band, she was a dictator, everything had to be her way. She couldn’t organize a trip to the toilet, let alone manage a band.

Gulp… the time frame is right, in that their current bass player has been with the band since early 2017. They currently have a couple of big gigs upcoming. You wouldn’t happen to want to share the name of the band, would you?

 

[Ric5]

 

[DJ Bebop]

Yes, this. IMO it's utterly pointless to get into the why. To get into all the stuff you [generic you] thought was messed up just comes off as wanting to get your digs in as you go out the door. It's extremely unlikely to fix the situation you're leaving, and it's not your job to try to fix it anyway, since you're not going to be involved in it anymore.

Something I've learned over time. If what you have to say isn't going to change anything then don't bother. You'll get some advice from others to tell the BL's what the issues are. But honestly, it's not going to change anything - they're not going to change and you're not going to stay in the band. So why waste your time and energy crafting a message they're not going to hear anyway? Just exit gracefully on that high note as you said. Just my opinion.

All of

Better to be respectful and preserve everyone's dignity and be remembered for that rather than some "eye-opening" revelation that won't be appreciated or heard, and make you look like an ass.

 

[packhowitzer]

 

[Chickenwheels]

I warned you not to join that band!
But if you are leaving, can I quit too?

 

[Topkat13]

IMO face to face is better. “Gang it’s been a great 5.5 but it’s time for me to move on…I’ve enjoyed playing with y’all and good luck”. Who knows but maybe a discussion will ensue to help mitigate the BS you mentioned.

 

[Carl Hillman]

Disagree. No matter what the situation, I’d be gracious enough to give them time to find a replacement.

I thought he said the band didn't have a gig for 6 weeks after his last intended date with them.

6 weeks is plenty of time to find somebody to come in a play a night's worth of music.

 

[Marko 1]

I thought he said the band didn't have a gig for 6 weeks after his last intended date with them.

6 weeks is plenty of time to find somebody to come in a play a night's worth of music.

In post 12, he states that they've got a replacement on deck, would be an easy transition.

 

[Bass Viking]

How about something like: "it's time for me to move on and I wish you the best of luck"
Or:

I find that “Go to hell” usually gets the message across.

 

[DaveParker39]

Short, sweet, be done.
You can process your frustrations later.

 

[LBS-bass]

One more bit of advice. Whatever you do, don't turn it into a list of grievances. I was in a band with a BL last year who was a bit of a control freak. It was not really working out for me, he thought he was more capable than he was, ear-wise, etc. He did something that really ticked me off and I decided I had to go. Since I was angry, I sat down to write a resignation and it turned into a two-page diatribe about his deficiencies as a band leader.

Of course, I never sent that. Instead I wrote a quick note the next day about some more neutral stuff - and I went to a final rehearsal, and we parted on good terms.

A couple nights ago I found out that guy recently passed away. Suicide. Imagine how I'd feel right now if I'd sent that to him.

Keep it simple and courteous. You never know what demons someone's dealing with.

 

[51PRI]

These days I would probably quit a band by text since that's what everyone uses. Something like "Hey guys the past 5.5 years have been a blast, and we've played some cool gigs, but it's time for me to seek other opportunities. My last gig will be (whatever). Best of luck to you guys moving forward "

Or something like that.

 

[Hambone70]

These days I would probably quit a band by text since that's what everyone uses. Something like "Hey guys the past 5.5 years have been a blast, and we've played some cool gigs, but it's time for me to seek other opportunities. My last gig will be (whatever). Best of luck to you guys moving forward "

Or something like that.

I disagree. Text is the cowardly way out. Have the b*lls to do it face-to-face. There is an opportunity for constructive dialog that may be a mutually beneficial learning experience.

 

[51PRI]

I disagree. Text is the cowardly way out. Have the b*lls to do it face-to-face. There is an opportunity for constructive dialog that may be a mutually beneficial learning experience.

The thing about an in person resignation is the danger of getting into talking about the whys and what ifs. At the point when you know you're gonna quit there's no reason to get into the reasons why. Just get out quick. Text. IMO!