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How do yall deal with hate?

If you've done everything you can to convey your apologies for your wrongdoing you've pretty much done everything you can to mitigate the situation.

If your best efforts are not enough to convince all involved, there is really nothing else you can do to show them you are sincerely sorry.

That being the case, forgive them in your heart and realize you have no other choice but to accept the situation as it is and move on.

Whatever you do, don't fall back into the trap of the bop and rebop. Don't reduce yourself to picking s&!t with the chickens over a settled issue.
 
People like that are a waste of your time. Don't bother "replying with something nice", or trying further to apologise. Why would you even want to make things right with people that send hate mail repeatedly? Not worth it.

On the other hand, they are clearly playing hard to get and are totally into you, so maybe you can make it work.
 
I would stop worrying about it. At that age, EVERYTHING is a crisis, nothing is taken in the way it was said and things said aren't always what were intended.

If I had to define that age, I would say "Things were said, feelings were hurt, thinking wasn't usually involved". It's all about feelings and rationality is often avoided.

Diggin the quote/saying. I'm guessing that about sums this up.

his name is Tommy,... last name Gunn. he drives the ladies crazy,... Nuff Said!:cool:
:cool:


:ninja:
People make mistakes and sometimes those people can be us, ourselves.
If people can't get over that, then theyre not worth concering yourself with.

Here's an inspirational quote:
31525_20130117_173636_girls_quotes_01.jpg




And you could always do this. It throws people off guard. Dont give in to the haterade.

I've tried replying nicely and it just gets me b*tched at more lol. After it was all said and done, I have 2 friends left (out of that social circle).

Ah so being whipped is a good way to go?

For real, girls are hypersensitive, especially in their teens (and lately up into their mid twenties as far as I can see).

Sometimes learning how "bad" they got it a second time might make them learn how little of a thing they overreacted to.

It's all about "who ____ed me" with this generation. Self victimization gets attention, and that's what it's all about.

I definitely can't lash out. I have a pretty bad temper and I'm trying my best not to show it. I lashed out at a girl my freshman year and she still won't talk to me. I'm pretty notorious for having too sharp of words; not something I'm proud of.

Hoo boy this must be tough for you. A lot of good advice here. I know love conquers all things but sometimes it just takes so darn long. Take comfort in the knowledge that at some point in the near future your life is goint to change dramatically and you may never see these people again. Meanwhile blocking them is a good idea.
Also enjoy your life despite these people. Go out and have fun whatever that looks like for you, trying to not letting them affect you is the best way to proceed.

I've been doing that for the most part, lots of partying going on. Still bothers me in my down-time between parties though. I'm hoping not to have to deal with this crap after I graduate, or even sooner.

Welp, unless there's a baby involved, or cheating, then ignore it.


I also can't help but think this thread is relevant some how:
http://www.talkbass.com/forum/f34/if-you-out-school-bored-read-before-posting-thread-550586/

I had that thread in mind when I was making this one. I'm more focused on how to manage with hate/harsh feelings towards me, not how to deal with a teenage girl.

Fighting back accomplishes nothing other than him running the risk of looking like a dick (again perhaps), and making the situation worse. You cannot reason with a teenage girl, nor can you really reason with a teenage boy, and retaliating does nothing other than to further prove she and her compatriots are right.

Exactly. I can't afford that again.

Without knowing what you did, it's hard to say, honestly. I'm not saying you should tell us, just that we really can't know.

Also, words I never trust "Its honestly not that big of a deal."

Breakup. Matticus was pretty close. See explanation below

I went through a similar situation at that age myself. The only difference is that the 3rd party wasn't a girl but a dude, and instead of sending me hate mail he tried to put his fist through my face :D You kids the days have it easy.

I would have had the **** beaten out of me if any guys (who cared) were involved. Being 5'9" and 125lbs really hurts my "fighting chance" lol.

Odds are 10 years from now you will not even know these people.

I'm praying for 1 year.

The situation for him is already screwed up, any thing he does is going to only make it worse in some regard, EXCEPT ignoring it and let it go away. Fighting back makes it worse, and I gather either he or the girls he's talking about are not the type of people one would want to associate with in the future, so trying to glue it back together isn't going to fix things either.

Yes. I share very little with said group other than race, age, and geological location. I'm not going to be at a big loss not being friends with them, although I thought I would be for a while.

So, watcha did?

He lovingly smashed some chick while we was with another.

Thats my guess. No hammers involved.

Pretty close, see below.

Grab a whole mob of them, put them in a social environment with girls, add in a "nice guy" who isn't really nice, you've got conceit brewing....

Being a nice guy is what got me into the whole thing.

A fairly unattractive girl (imho) who I thought of as a friend asked me out, and I didn't know how to say "no". I obviously didn't have feelings for her, and actually had feelings for another girl ("girl-x"). Unfortunately things went on (under the impaired judgement of some illicit substances), but no babies made, or close to it. My God if that would have happened this would have been infinitely worse. Even still, she starts to become obsessive and clingy. Girl-x also becomes single so I'm in a sticky situation. I don't know how to break up with my 'girlfriend', so I just kind of ignored her for a month and a half. I always told her I was busy with lacrosse or my band and that I couldn't hang out. She eventually gets really upset and calls asking if we should even date and I of course replied "yeah that would probably be best"......

There is also a whole bunch of drama about how I tried to cheat on the 'ugly' girl with her bestfriend (who is incredibly good looking) because she didn't know we were 'dating' and we had a thing for a while. Not worth explaining but keep in mind that there was an extra load of drama on top of that story

5 months later here I am still receiving flack for my dickhead move.

Had I included this story in the OP, it would have been a girl thread. Didn't want that, I wanted responses on how to deal with hate, so I purposely left it out so I could get what I was looking for without it getting locked. Now since there have been a couple of questions about what happened and I got some good responses, I feel its okay to tell yall.

To be young again...

haha, NOPE! I'm not going to miss high school one bit.
 
In time this will all be behind you. Things could be much worse.

Tell the haters to drink their haterade elsewhere. In exactly those words.

This is what I've been saying for 6 months.... kinda. Its honestly not that big of a deal, right?

No, it isnt. High school girls are stupid. You may not be able to date at your high school ever again because of these haters. I recommend talking to girls from other high schools.
 
so you "cheated" on one HS girl...kinda...then ignored her. You got the expected reaction. Learn from your error and move on, that's all you can do!

Ignored her so I wouldn't cheat. It was an attempt at slowly breaking up with her so I could date someone else.


Oh and girl-x (whom I've had feelings for forever) has another boyfriend thats not me. So everything worked out in the end...:rolleyes::p
 
In other words...

- you like a girl
- then hook up with another, not so attractive girl
- unattractive girl thinks you two are dating
- you never tell her you weren't dating (let alone ask her out in the first place)
- girl goes psycho and claims you're trying to cheat on her when you're not even her bf
- you still don't tell her you two were never dating
- now everyone hates you

Lesson to learn here, be upfront and honest with people. It might hurt them in the beginning, but you won't end up hurt in the end.
 
In time this will all be behind you. Things could be much worse.

Tell the haters to drink their haterade elsewhere. In exactly those words.



No, it isnt. High school girls are stupid. You may not be able to date at your high school ever again because of these haters. I recommend talking to girls from other high schools.
:D

I don't think I will date anybody from my highschool (all male college prep), but it does exclude me from dating a lot of people from her school. Not all though. Luckily she goes to a fairly large public school in my area.

Go get some ugly girl pregnant, then I'll give you a consolation beer. It will be a fine microbrew if the girl is really fugly.

:D

I have easy enough access where I won't need to take you up on that. Say a party goes in the wrong direction, I like St. Arnold's Summer Pills... or anything from St Arnolds for that matter.
 
In other words...

- you like a girl
- then hook up with another, not so attractive girl
- unattractive girl thinks you two are dating
- you never tell her you weren't dating (let alone ask her out in the first place)
- girl goes psycho and claims you're trying to cheat on her when you're not even her bf
- you still don't tell her you two were never dating
- now everyone hates you

Lesson to learn here, be upfront and honest with people. It might hurt them in the beginning, but you won't end up hurt in the end.
Nailed it, actually.

And there it is. My true problem. I'm too quite and I always figure if I let things play out, instead of speaking up, they'll end up working out. It usually works for me, but obviously not this time.

The thing is, I'm not one for confrontation. If a restaurant messes up my order and gives me something gross, I'd rather eat it than tell the waiter something is wrong. Major flaw, I know.