I have searched and found a few similar threads regarding this, however I figured I would share my situation. So I have been single for a couple years now, as in not being in a committed relationship, my last was pretty serious but ended when she abruptly ended it. I am confident, funny/good sense of humor, great job, own my own house and at 26 I feel at this point I really got my s*it together. All great qualities right, however for the past few years I have never had much luck with women. I have been on dates with younger women, which I knew I would possibly have to deal with the immature and "high school hour" factors, but I have also went on dates with older women who I though would be more mature but turned out to play the games just as well if not better then the younger gals.
Most recently is I have been on about six dates with six different women over the last five months, none making it past a first date and on to a second. I try to keep the first dates pretty casual but relaxed and fun. Dinner at a nice place is a classic first date which allows you to talk to each other but I also don't try to make it a game of 20 questions. I also like to incorporate humor when appropriate to lighten the mood as well. I believe that everything goes well, we laugh, engage each other in the conversations (I try to listen more and let her talk more unless she asks) and try to really be a gentleman the who date.
A recent example is last Friday night after talking to a girl on the phone for about two weeks, really had a good convo going, I invited her to go out, she accepted and we made a date. We went to a local restaurant which also has games, I was thinking casual to talk then to have some fun just so we were not staring at each other all night. She expressed numerous times up till Friday how much she was looking forward to Friday's date. Friday night came, I showed up a little early so I just waited for her at the bar. She arrived shortly. We both had a drink at the bar and chatted a little then grabbed a table to grab something to eat and chatted some more. There was a lot of laughing and she constantly touched my arm which is a good sign and messed with her hair. After eating we went and played some games and had some fun. Finally at the end of night I walked to her car and told her I had fun and she replied she did as well. I told her we should do it again and she agreed and then since it was a first date we exchanged a hug then said our good nights.
Saturday I waited until the night to call her, got her voice mail (yellow flag?) and just told her I had a good time...no response back but that is ok I did not really lead on to ask for one in return as I was just following up is all. Then Sunday night I called her again and again voice mail (orange flag?) so I left a message about possibly going out again sometime in the next few weeks and to let me know her schedule whenever she knew it if she was interested and to let me know. Then two hours later I get a text message response (red flag?), basically saying along the lines that she had fun and would love to go out again, however then here comes the bombshell, she mentioned she felt more a friendship vibe between us...yep that dreaded F word.
At this point I knew I was pretty much out so I simply replied being perfectly honest with her with how I was not really looking for another friend (going on a date with someone you would think those intentions of possibly becoming more then friends would of been clear) and also how I was surprised after one date she got that friend vibe right away. Of course I am no dummy it was just a easy cop-out on her part. I have been on enough dates where women have said the same thing and even though they say they want to be friends nothing happens after that and yep I have not heard back from her since.
This gal was 31, five years older then me, I thought we hit it off, had a lot of things in common, but I guess when I showed up she found me to not be Brad Pitt quality or something because I asked her before what she looked for in a guy and being honest and confident in myself I could say I am pretty much what she mentioned. Basically it was like going for a great bike ride only to be stopped by hitting a brick wall this weekend with this woman. At least she let me go and not lead me on even though she did waste my time and I could of went to a movie with my friends Friday instead, but who would of known.
So after being on numerous dates over the last months and nothing becoming of them I don't want to give up, but I also ask when is enough? Girls all play the games, they want something but always settle for the other. I also have just tried letting things happen naturally and nothing ever does so I typically then go back to engaging towards the women and making first contact. I have spent money on these dates as well as wasted time and I get you win some and loose some but man is it frustrating after many "failed dates." I am not going to claim to be God's gift to women, however I have a lot to offer and although not a doormat I am a pretty decent guy who has morals and knows how to treat women.
I know I am young, but I am confident and am not going to say "maybe it is me or what is wrong with me?" This is not meant to be a sob story, however I am at the point in my life where I would like to be in a relationship again. I am not trying to rush anything, but I just cannot get past a first date. At times I think my last ex hex'ed me or put a spell on me and I feel like Dane Cook in Good Luck Chuck (without all the sex ha ha) where I just cannot seem to get anything going. I am also not even going to try to further try to understand women, but man....whew.
Most recently is I have been on about six dates with six different women over the last five months, none making it past a first date and on to a second. I try to keep the first dates pretty casual but relaxed and fun. Dinner at a nice place is a classic first date which allows you to talk to each other but I also don't try to make it a game of 20 questions. I also like to incorporate humor when appropriate to lighten the mood as well. I believe that everything goes well, we laugh, engage each other in the conversations (I try to listen more and let her talk more unless she asks) and try to really be a gentleman the who date.
A recent example is last Friday night after talking to a girl on the phone for about two weeks, really had a good convo going, I invited her to go out, she accepted and we made a date. We went to a local restaurant which also has games, I was thinking casual to talk then to have some fun just so we were not staring at each other all night. She expressed numerous times up till Friday how much she was looking forward to Friday's date. Friday night came, I showed up a little early so I just waited for her at the bar. She arrived shortly. We both had a drink at the bar and chatted a little then grabbed a table to grab something to eat and chatted some more. There was a lot of laughing and she constantly touched my arm which is a good sign and messed with her hair. After eating we went and played some games and had some fun. Finally at the end of night I walked to her car and told her I had fun and she replied she did as well. I told her we should do it again and she agreed and then since it was a first date we exchanged a hug then said our good nights.
Saturday I waited until the night to call her, got her voice mail (yellow flag?) and just told her I had a good time...no response back but that is ok I did not really lead on to ask for one in return as I was just following up is all. Then Sunday night I called her again and again voice mail (orange flag?) so I left a message about possibly going out again sometime in the next few weeks and to let me know her schedule whenever she knew it if she was interested and to let me know. Then two hours later I get a text message response (red flag?), basically saying along the lines that she had fun and would love to go out again, however then here comes the bombshell, she mentioned she felt more a friendship vibe between us...yep that dreaded F word.
At this point I knew I was pretty much out so I simply replied being perfectly honest with her with how I was not really looking for another friend (going on a date with someone you would think those intentions of possibly becoming more then friends would of been clear) and also how I was surprised after one date she got that friend vibe right away. Of course I am no dummy it was just a easy cop-out on her part. I have been on enough dates where women have said the same thing and even though they say they want to be friends nothing happens after that and yep I have not heard back from her since.
This gal was 31, five years older then me, I thought we hit it off, had a lot of things in common, but I guess when I showed up she found me to not be Brad Pitt quality or something because I asked her before what she looked for in a guy and being honest and confident in myself I could say I am pretty much what she mentioned. Basically it was like going for a great bike ride only to be stopped by hitting a brick wall this weekend with this woman. At least she let me go and not lead me on even though she did waste my time and I could of went to a movie with my friends Friday instead, but who would of known.
So after being on numerous dates over the last months and nothing becoming of them I don't want to give up, but I also ask when is enough? Girls all play the games, they want something but always settle for the other. I also have just tried letting things happen naturally and nothing ever does so I typically then go back to engaging towards the women and making first contact. I have spent money on these dates as well as wasted time and I get you win some and loose some but man is it frustrating after many "failed dates." I am not going to claim to be God's gift to women, however I have a lot to offer and although not a doormat I am a pretty decent guy who has morals and knows how to treat women.
I know I am young, but I am confident and am not going to say "maybe it is me or what is wrong with me?" This is not meant to be a sob story, however I am at the point in my life where I would like to be in a relationship again. I am not trying to rush anything, but I just cannot get past a first date. At times I think my last ex hex'ed me or put a spell on me and I feel like Dane Cook in Good Luck Chuck (without all the sex ha ha) where I just cannot seem to get anything going. I am also not even going to try to further try to understand women, but man....whew.
I've learned that once you get in your mid twenties to early thirties, finding a quality mate seems to be harder. A lot of the quality people have, unfortunately, been scooped up into marriages or longterm relationships. With that said, there are still people worth dating out there. My advice would be not to make the first date a dinner date. One person's "classic" is another person's "cliche." In my experience, women like it when the first date is something different than the norm. Also, don't be cheap, but don't spend a lot of money on the first date either.
