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how to address bullying

#61
LiquidMidnight said:
...or you're kicked out of school, given a psychiatric evaluation, then sued.
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My son got a three day suspension for defending himself when he was in high school. This bigger kid (who my son didn't know but was in one class with) targeted my son and kept shoving him to the point of knocking him down on a few occasions. My son told the teachers and the principal and nothing was done.

One day my son had enough. In class, the kid shoved him and my son punched him in the jaw with all he had. Knocked this piece of crap right over a desk!

My son and this kid both got a three day suspension. But the kid never bothered him again.
 
#62
Mike M. said:
My son got a three day suspension for defending himself when he was in high school. This bigger kid (who my son didn't know but was in one class with) targeted my son and kept shoving him to the point of knocking him down on a few occasions. My son told the teachers and the principal and nothing was done.

One day my son had enough. In class, the kid shoved him and my son punched him in the jaw with all he had. Knocked this piece of crap right over a desk!

My son and this kid both got a three day suspension. But the kid never bothered him again.
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I would not have accepted my kids suspension.
 
#63
DwaynieAD said:
I would not have accepted my kids suspension.
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I understand why you'd say this, but you must understand that whilst privately, teachers may think "yep, he had it coming", no school will adopt a policy that is seen to condone violence, despite the provocation, by allowing circumstances to dictate a revenge assault.
 
#64
I'm not sure what the wider solution is, but what I am doing is this:

1) I've done my best to instill confidence in my child
2) I've done my best to enable her to know what bullying is
3) I've done my best to make her know that she doesn't have to put up with it
4) I've done my best to make her know what she can do about it
5) Kung Fu San Soo

I can't make bullies stop being bullies. But I can sure make them regret ***king with my child.
 
#65
aborgman said:
No, it really hasn't.

We've just mostly changed the power source from physical to economic power.
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diminished, not changed, the power source. economic power has always been used. physical is no longer being used.

regardless, what once was considered acceptable is now not considered acceptable in these avenues. the same needs to be done in this case.
 
#67
Tituscrow said:
I understand why you'd say this, but you must understand that whilst privately, teachers may think "yep, he had it coming", no school will adopt a policy that is seen to condone violence, despite the provocation, by allowing circumstances to dictate a revenge assault.
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tell that to me. oh wait you did. they tried this when i stood up to a bully. didn't work because my dad had my back. all this is proving is your kid was in the wrong.
 
#68
john turner said:
what do you folks think can be done to address bullying? with the noteriety that it is getting lately due at least in part to a few recent cases of bullying resulting in suicides, it seems to be a focus of a lot of folks' attentions - i know it's been on my mind a lot, mainly in relation to my kids and what they may have to endure - but i'm not hearing any specific solutions that i think would be effective.

personally, as someone who was very heavily bullied almost daily between the ages of 12 and 15, i think the only way to really successfully stop a bully is having authority figures outting them as such, publicly - sort of the "day in the stockade"-style punishment. coupled with some humiliating fact about them publicly shared (let's face it, teenagers all have some humiliating skeletons they don't want out of their closets) and i think most bullies' attitudes and behaviors would be changed.

instead, too many folks, especially grown men in positions of authority over kids, such as in schools or coaches of teams, allow, encourage and even reward this kind of behavior. this perspective has to change, i think.

you know, the last time i was successfully bullied was almost 30 years ago, and it still makes me mad. i can still remember they guys' names who engaged in it, at least the ones who did the most often. isn't that pathetic? :hmm:

even more pathetic is one episode i remember back around that time (i was probably 15 or thereabouts) when i witnessed someone being bullied, and having been bullied myself (by the same folks iirc), you'd think i'd have stepped up and helped him. but no, i just stood there and watched him get beaten, thankful that it wasn't me.

i still wish i could do something to somehow balance the scales about that.
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life's tough, guy. have an oat soda, forget about it, repeat. Doesn't really fix anything to remember.
 
#69
LiquidMidnight said:
Wait?! A kid going to an ARTS magnet school has no idea who MC Escher is?!

:scowl:
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Haha, no kidding!

I forgot to mention that I started taking tae kwon do when I was 16. But honestly I hadn't been bullied after 8th grade because I was tall and had lots of friends who were music geeks (but not stereotypical nerd-types).

My son will certainly learn self-defense, and will learn what I used to teach my TKD students: these skills are to be used for defense only. It is fairly simple to control someone without actually hurting them. Just giving the impression that you could seriously mess someone up is usually enough to make them stop messing with you.
 
#72
Tituscrow said:
I understand why you'd say this, but you must understand that whilst privately, teachers may think "yep, he had it coming", no school will adopt a policy that is seen to condone violence, despite the provocation, by allowing circumstances to dictate a revenge assault.
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no, schools just treat the "fight" as a "temper tantrum"; they recommend their student who takes role as victim just "lies there and takes it til the other student is finished". I think I put up a thread on this before, did I not?
 
#75
scorpionldr said:
What's the point of asking how to address bullying when the reason this thread is truly happening is because most of us accepted schools teaching their students to be weak?

That's my point. Kids that got out of that thought programming were a step ahead.
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So are you suggesting schools should have an organised punch up between protagonists to deal with the issue? Brawn over brain? Physical dominance is an automatic ticket to superiority?

Schools teaching children to be weak? That's a highly offensive suggestion. Teaching kids that violence is wrong, and tactful, thoughtful diplomatic resolutions are not macho is weak?

Like I said much earlier in this thread, kids - as young human animals - always have been and always will be horrible to each other. Accepting that as fact doesn't mean that one should abandon all attempts as spreading the word that intimidation and bullying are wrong.

Oh, and just as an afterthought, no culpability on families and parents 'teaching children to be weak', or is it just schools?
 
#76
Tituscrow said:
So are you suggesting schools should have an organised punch up between protagonists to deal with the issue? Brawn over brain? Physical dominance is an automatic ticket to superiority?

Schools teaching children to be weak? That's a highly offensive suggestion. Teaching kids that violence is wrong, and tactful, thoughtful diplomatic resolutions are not macho is weak?

Like I said much earlier in this thread, kids - as young human animals - always have been and always will be horrible to each other. Accepting that as fact doesn't mean that one should abandon all attempts as spreading the word that intimidation and bullying are wrong.

Oh, and just as an afterthought, no culpability on families and parents 'teaching children to be weak', or is it just schools?
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What if we are just nothing more than animals? What if the state of the world is in it's current form because all our structures, our theories, our ideas......are really nothing more than an inefficient facade that we knew would never really be sustainable? Think about the ancient Romans. That right there is proof our animalistic tendencies manage to override every portion of structure we can formulate.

Why are we weak? Why do we limit ourselves? Abuse of power. Everyone's taught from a simple age to look at the fact that "well we can sue whoever we like, and gain compensation from whoever we like if we have a case." Meanwhile you have kids that learn "If I hit this kid and run" nothing happens to them. The bullying continues. The authority refuses to admit anything's wrong unless it's caught blatantly on a camera or in front of their eyes. So unfortunately kids DO need to learn how to fight. Because the perception of superiority the bully gains over his victim is more valued than the superiority itself. It never will occur to people that being truly intelligent is valuable because the display of power that even takes over our mind's ability to interpret what is "smart".

And those that sue....I don't think they end up feeling fulfilled if they ever do win their case.
 
#77
scorpionldr said:
What if we are just nothing more than animals? What if the state of the world is in it's current form because all our structures, our theories, our ideas......are really nothing more than an inefficient facade that we knew would never really be sustainable? Think about the ancient Romans. That right there is proof our animalistic tendencies manage to override every portion of structure we can formulate.

Why are we weak? Why do we limit ourselves? Abuse of power. Everyone's taught from a simple age to look at the fact that "well we can sue whoever we like, and gain compensation from whoever we like if we have a case." Meanwhile you have kids that learn "If I hit this kid and run" nothing happens to them. The bullying continues. The authority refuses to admit anything's wrong unless it's caught blatantly on a camera or in front of their eyes. So unfortunately kids DO need to learn how to fight. Because the perception of superiority the bully gains over his victim is more valued than the superiority itself. It never will occur to people that being truly intelligent is valuable because the display of power that even takes over our mind's ability to interpret what is "smart".

And those that sue....I don't think they end up feeling fulfilled if they ever do win their case.
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Then by conceding to our baser instincts, we are legitimising and condoning thuggish behaviour.

Just because it happens, doesn't mean we should throw in the towel. We should endeavour to spread the word of compromise, resolution of conflict, civil communication and peaceful negotiation. Violence begets violence....there is always someone bigger, tougher and harder.

Admittedly, the examples set by our leaders often hinder the cause, but on a day-to-day personal level, we can all do our bit to make the world a better place. Ideal, unrealistic utopia? Probably. Ain't gonna stop me trying though.
 
#78
Tituscrow said:
Then by conceding to our baser instincts, we are legitimising and condoning thuggish behaviour.

Just because it happens, doesn't mean we should throw in the towel. We should endeavour to spread the word of compromise, resolution of conflict, civil communication and peaceful negotiation. Violence begets violence....there is always someone bigger, tougher and harder.

Admittedly, the examples set by our leaders often hinder the cause, but on a day-to-day personal level, we can all do our bit to make the world a better place. Ideal, unrealistic utopia? Probably. Ain't gonna stop me trying though.
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people tried, people failed, all the results say ****all for the worth of their efforts. I don't think it's likely to change unless society has a major overhaul. And I think that at this point that overpopulation is evident.

There was good reason the nomads travelled in small, fully collected groups.
 
#79
scorpionldr said:
people tried, people failed, all the results say ****all for the worth of their efforts. I don't think it's likely to change unless society has a major overhaul. And I think that at this point that overpopulation is evident.

There was good reason the nomads travelled in small, fully collected groups.
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Women's rights. Welfare. Trade Unions. Health Care. Employment rights. Hospitals. Roads. Transport. Communication technology. Voting and democracy. Art. Literature. Music....

....all examples of how much as a society we have progressed. (I'd add schools to that list, but apparently they are to blame for all of societies ills.)

All is not rotten within the human race, but when it is unearthed, it must be challenged.

And before you hit back with a list of 'bad things' humans have done, there is no need. I am aware of many things that are not very nice in the world.

And let's not lose sight of JT's OP. One of countless sad and depressing tales of suffering at the hands of others. But you know what? Look at him now. That's what matters. Getting though it without resorting to primitive retaliation, which seems to be what you are advocating.

Oh, and I'm sure even the nomads had bullies.
 
#80
Tituscrow said:
Women's rights. Welfare. Trade Unions. Health Care. Employment rights. Hospitals. Roads. Transport. Communication technology. Voting and democracy. Art. Literature. Music....

....all examples of how much as a society we have progressed. (I'd add schools to that list, but apparently they are to blame for all of societies ills.)

All is not rotten within the human race, but when it is unearthed, it must be challenged.

And before you hit back with a list of 'bad things' humans have done, there is no need. I am aware of many things that are not very nice in the world.

And let's not lose sight of JT's OP. One of countless sad and depressing tales of suffering at the hands of others. But you know what? Look at him now. That's what matters. Getting though it without resorting to primitive retaliation, which seems to be what you are advocating.

Oh, and I'm sure even the nomads had bullies.
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If I got started this thread would have to be closed down because I can recant each way those aforementioned progressions rolled backwards the same slope they came.

But as far as progression, yea JT, cool.

But if the nomads did have bullies, that particular member was probably killed off relatively quickly, for the efficiency of the group.
 

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