• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT MEN!!!!!!!

#121
MakiSupaStar said:
That's because they're seeing the crazy eyes and watching your face turn into a clock. ;):p Many a strong man have run in fear of the biological clock. Either that or all the guys you are dating are just loopy and nuts. Which is also a possibility. Or perhaps they don't dig sexy asian chicks in raincoats holding a bucket of chicken. In which case I refer you back to the second possibility. ;)
Click to expand...

How do they know??? That's what I don't get. I never bring it up, never sneak it in conversation or say longlingly "my friend had such a beautiful wedding" and sigh with content. Mostly I just want to talk about music or football and just go out to concerts and stuff. The last time I brought up getting serious was after seven months of exclusive dating..and then I was only talking about being introduced as "the girlfriend" instead of my "friend."
 
#122
disenchant said:
How do they know??? That's what I don't get. I never bring it up, never sneak it in conversation or say longlingly "my friend had such a beautiful wedding" and sigh with content. Mostly I just want to talk about music or football and just go out to concerts and stuff. The last time I brought up getting serious was after seven months of exclusive dating..and then I was only talking about being introduced as "the girlfriend" instead of my "friend."
Click to expand...

Tick..... Tock...... Tick....... Tock.......:ninja: :hiding:
 
#124
disenchant said:
How do they know??? That's what I don't get. I never bring it up, never sneak it in conversation or say longlingly "my friend had such a beautiful wedding" and sigh with content. Mostly I just want to talk about music or football and just go out to concerts and stuff. The last time I brought up getting serious was after seven months of exclusive dating..and then I was only talking about being introduced as "the girlfriend" instead of my "friend."
Click to expand...

Ok seems I misunderstood this thread from the get go...

Forget em. They just gave the "i dont want a relationship" excuse.

Move on, find someone better.
 
#126
disenchant said:
How do they know??? That's what I don't get. I never bring it up, never sneak it in conversation or say longlingly "my friend had such a beautiful wedding" and sigh with content. Mostly I just want to talk about music or football and just go out to concerts and stuff. The last time I brought up getting serious was after seven months of exclusive dating..and then I was only talking about being introduced as "the girlfriend" instead of my "friend."
Click to expand...
Anyone who after 7 months of exclusive dating doesn't introduce as his girlfriend is a creeper with a serious fear of commitment. You're a lot better off without him.
 
#128
As long as they are not like this guy:

peter_stand_small.jpg


Who has his own website.
 
#130
When you find a guy that takes good time to check out your mind, who you truly are, and doesn't rush things, but finds out that he digs you for who you are, and you can totally be yourself, then he just might be the one. You need to be at least 3 things for each-other; Friends, Lovers and Man (with big M) and Woman (with a capitol W) Needle in a haystack I'll tell 'ya. Someone once said that in love you just gotta lay out all the cards, hmm,,, don't know if that's best, scary bussiness:ninja:
 
#131
disenchant said:
The first one ever that was younger. The last were all at least 4-6 years older. Age doesn't matter. You can be mature at 25 or immature at 38.
Click to expand...

Nice Sex in the City reasoning, but dead wrong. Maturity does not equal station in life. A 25-year-old will not be as settled as a 38-year-old, regardless of maturity. The 25-year-old is looking forward to making his way, the 38-year-old damn well better be on his way.

Any 25-year-old that is living the life someone in middle age is just an accident waiting to happen. Every one of these folks I've ever known has been divorced in under two years and living in Alaska, complaining about how they "missed out on life" and "settled down too soon."

Regardless of apparent maturity, 25-year-olds still have a lot of growing up to do.

disenchant said:
I wouldn't consider myself insecure or low self-esteem. I think I'm the shiznit.
Click to expand...

These two are mutually exclusive.

disenchant said:
I'm mostly frustrated.
Click to expand...

Umm hmm -- Go on...

disenchant said:
Not because I can't get a man to marry me...cuz I haven't met the right one yet...but because I haven't had the chance to get to know a man well enough to even DECIDE if that's the route I want to go.
Click to expand...

So, whether you realize it or not, you ARE thinking about getting married, settling down, and spending the rest of your life with "the right one," "if that's the route [you] want to go."

disenchant said:
They squash that idea before it's even an idea. I guess what I'm trying to say is I keep meeting guys who put the brakes on BEFORE there is even anything to put the brakes on.
Click to expand...

How could they put the brakes on the idea before it's even an idea unless you were already thinking about it? Because you're interested in finding Mr. Right; they're interested in finding Ms. Right Now. (Thank you, some comedian whose name I've forgotten)

disenchant said:
I haven't gotten to the point of deciding if he's "the one"...and already they're telling me they don't want a commitment.
Click to expand...

See? You're thinking about it from the get-go. And, they sense it. And, they just want a ride, they don't want to buy the amusement park.

disenchant said:
And I'm thinking...jeez that was fast. I don't even know if I love you yet.
Click to expand...

Wow! THAT one's not a clear sign, even to someone in denial?????

disenchant said:
THAT is what is frustrating.
Click to expand...

I'll bet it is!
 
#133
No one has answered what is wrong with dating a guy TO FIND OUT if he is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? Isn't that the WHOLE POINT? I mean, not in high school, or even college although a lot of my friends did marry the guys they met in college.

I thought that idea behind dating different people was to eventually either say "yes, you ARE the one" or "no, thanks for playing."

And since I'm already divorced, I am NOT looking to get married just for the sake of getting married. I'm looking for the RIGHT PERSON, which I think is different. Some girls just want to be married to someone. I want to be married to the right guy. So when I meet a guy I first see if he's fun to hang with. Then after a while I look to see if he's someone I might be interested in a long-term relationship with. And then later, think about a future. I thought that was the normal progression...no?

Part of what this thread was about was also that the last 3 guys I dated had proposed to a girl at one time and had been shot down. So they HAD thought about it at one time, and now have decided that they are NOT getting married...maybe ever. And they let me know that in the very beginning, which I think is effed up.
 
#135
disenchant said:
No one has answered what is wrong with dating a guy TO FIND OUT if he is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? Isn't that the WHOLE POINT? I mean, not in high school, or even college although a lot of my friends did marry the guys they met in college.

I thought that idea behind dating different people was to eventually either say "yes, you ARE the one" or "no, thanks for playing."

And since I'm already divorced, I am NOT looking to get married just for the sake of getting married. I'm looking for the RIGHT PERSON, which I think is different. Some girls just want to be married to someone. I want to be married to the right guy. So when I meet a guy I first see if he's fun to hang with. Then after a while I look to see if he's someone I might be interested in a long-term relationship with. And then later, think about a future. I thought that was the normal progression...no?

Part of what this thread was about was also that the last 3 guys I dated had proposed to a girl at one time and had been shot down. So they HAD thought about it at one time, and now have decided that they are NOT getting married...maybe ever. And they let me know that in the very beginning, which I think is effed up.
Click to expand...

No Dis. The point is not that. There is no point. People date because its the ritual peole go through when they want to hook up and have sex. From that point on they determine the varying degrees of compatibility. If you're searching for mister right you're constantly on that horribly contrived "interview" type of situation. First there's sex and physical attraction. Nothing else. Then there's the time inbetween and leading up to sex. Somewhere in there, a guy realizes that hey, I like this chick. I like being around her. That's when feelings start happening for a guy. But if a guy has sex with you and then he sees crazy eyes. He's gonna run for the hills everytime. Even if you disguise your intentions well, you can't hide crazy eyes.
 
#137
Dis, I was in the same place seven years ago. I had just broken up with a woman (she was older and just wanted to have fun *boink boink* -- wish I'd known that!) and I was sick of dealing with the BS that went with dating. Essentially I had resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to get married (I was 34 at the time). I WASN'T LOOKING. A year later I was introduced to the coolest, most fun woman I've ever met. Now we're married (five years in Nov.) and have a wonderful son. I wasn't expecting it, but it happened. So as soulgeezer and others have stated, just have fun. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, there are worse things that could happen.

Don't give up. Just give up looking. Does that make sense?
 
#138
disenchant said:
No one has answered what is wrong with dating a guy TO FIND OUT if he is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? Isn't that the WHOLE POINT? I mean, not in high school, or even college although a lot of my friends did marry the guys they met in college.

I thought that idea behind dating different people was to eventually either say "yes, you ARE the one" or "no, thanks for playing."
Click to expand...

Despite what you see on TV, life isn't a game show where you're the prize and get to choose the winners and losers.

Real relationships start as friendships and develop - evolve naturally, without being forced - from there.

disenchant said:
And since I'm already divorced, I am NOT looking to get married just for the sake of getting married. I'm looking for the RIGHT PERSON, which I think is different. Some girls just want to be married to someone. I want to be married to the right guy. So when I meet a guy I first see if he's fun to hang with. Then after a while I look to see if he's someone I might be interested in a long-term relationship with. And then later, think about a future. I thought that was the normal progression...no?
Click to expand...

Natural progression? Yes. Thinking about it so much? No. Having a checklist is the quickest way to shoot yourself in the foot. What if a potentially great relationship didn't follow this pattern? Then you'd miss out and not even know it. Or, maybe, the guy would just say he's not looking for a committment right now...

disenchant said:
Part of what this thread was about was also that the last 3 guys I dated had proposed to a girl at one time and had been shot down. So they HAD thought about it at one time, and now have decided that they are NOT getting married...maybe ever. And they let me know that in the very beginning, which I think is effed up.
Click to expand...

Nope, they thought they were being fair with you. They didn't want to string you along, if a casual thing wasn't what you were looking for. And, it's pretty clear that you're not looking for a casual thing.

Look, relationships are tough. Yes, they involve sacrifices, which both partners are willing to make, if they truly love one another. They also involve being open to whatever happens, even if that means just being friends.

dis, seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself. That's absolutely the number one quickest way to turn a guy off. And, even you don't think he knows, believe me -- He does.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back