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I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT MEN!!!!!!!

#81
disenchant said:
Nah, I don't think you're harsh at all. I WOULD LIKE to get off the internet, but I don't have many friends to hang out with anymore. I guess it happens when you get older and your friends are all married with kids. I'm sure all your friends are married with kids. They just aren't much for going out. So in reality, I have been hanging out with younger people because they aren't married with kids. I'd like to meet some girls to hang with, but how do you meet girls? I guess at work...but I don't have a job.

I'm not so concerned about 23's lack of whatever. I expected that. I guess I'm mostly tired of being TOLD that they are not interested BECAUSE some girl hurt them in the past. And I never know if that is the truth, or some line that really means "I'm not interested."

Blah
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For the record, dis -- My wife and I don't have kids (we are unable due to a medical situation). Most of our friends tend to be either childless couples, couples whose children are grown, or single people. My two best friends are both single (one's divorced). My wife's best friends are single or divorced.

Unfortunately, work means that my wife and I don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. So, very often, we spend time with our friends separately, me with my friends and she with hers. When we can pull together a group activity, it usually involves holidays with family or something work-related with co-workers.

It's not easy for anyone to make and keep friends. But, if you have a small circle you really like and enjoy being with, you're already way ahead of the game.

Let's face it -- How does anyone meet anyone? Usually, through shared interests. You like gymnastics, martial arts, and playing music. At least two of those are physical activities that are often done in groups. Have you thought about joining a gym or a dojo (is that right?) and maybe getting to know some people there?

Meeting people through music can be tough. Dating band-mates is a bad idea. And, when you play out, you're usually in a bar where the prospects for real relationships are limited at best. So, based on my experience, I don't recommend going this route.

Stop trying so hard and things will get better. I get the feeling that you're giving off a "desperate" vibe that's putting guys off. At least, that's the way it reads here. Could this be the case? Do you need to take a minute to think about how you're coming across to other people?

Oh, and if the girl hook-up thing happens, please, let us know. I just want to see Maki's head explode for real! ;) :p
 
#82
And I keep getting the same crazy reason "It will get in the way of what I really want to do..." Which we all know as bulls*it, a good relationship will HELP you get what you want and you make it work if it's important to you.
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Actually, I disagree with this. There are a lot of times when a relationship won't help and will very much get in the way.

Dating "responsibilities": 2 nights and a couple phone calls a week. Don't have to worry about exclusivity yet (not trying to get multiple women, but there's no guilt if you end up flirting or meeting someone new.)

Relationship "responsibilities": Trying to see each other several times a week (sometimes everyday,) phone calls/e-mails when you can't see the person that day. Exclusive, so extra-relationship flirting is a no-no and there's too much invested to "see what happens" if you meet someone new who might be better suited to you.

Relationships can often seriously get in the way of some things, and some people just don't have the time for it. I go to the gym 4-6 times a week (as long as nothing weird gets in the way like having to go to Toronto or something) for about 2 hours each time. Assuming I'm a bit older (around my late 20's or so) and I had a full time job (40 hours a week) with the associated research time in my field (going into psychology) so let's tack another 12 hours a week onto that. That's 64 hours a week between work, gym, and research. That's not counting practicing bass, teaching lessons (which I am and will continue to do so for as long as there are students :p), rehearsals/gigging if I join a band, etc.

It's not always a stale excuse, dis.
 
#83
MakiSupaStar said:
I think the answer to your problem is written on your face.

[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]


;) Told you I'd get you back Dis..... Buwahahahahahaha.

Seriously. The answer to all your problems is move out here to California and become a Maki "side project". :D
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Are you saying that she's a ticking time bomb of hate?
 
#85
I think, instead of teasing her, which many of you are doing, you should do a few things to help her out...

a. marry her and pay all her bills, so she doesn't need a job
or
b. tell her to get off the internet and get a job before she starves to death, because life is more important than trying to hook up with men you'll never get. no offense.
 
#86
Aaron Saunders said:
Actually, I disagree with this. There are a lot of times when a relationship won't help and will very much get in the way.

Dating "responsibilities": 2 nights and a couple phone calls a week. Don't have to worry about exclusivity yet (not trying to get multiple women, but there's no guilt if you end up flirting or meeting someone new.)

Relationship "responsibilities": Trying to see each other several times a week (sometimes everyday,) phone calls/e-mails when you can't see the person that day. Exclusive, so extra-relationship flirting is a no-no and there's too much invested to "see what happens" if you meet someone new who might be better suited to you.

Relationships can often seriously get in the way of some things, and some people just don't have the time for it. I go to the gym 4-6 times a week (as long as nothing weird gets in the way like having to go to Toronto or something) for about 2 hours each time. Assuming I'm a bit older (around my late 20's or so) and I had a full time job (40 hours a week) with the associated research time in my field (going into psychology) so let's tack another 12 hours a week onto that. That's 64 hours a week between work, gym, and research. That's not counting practicing bass, teaching lessons (which I am and will continue to do so for as long as there are students :p), rehearsals/gigging if I join a band, etc.

It's not always a stale excuse, dis.
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Yes it is, because if you really want something, you make it work. There are lots of couples out there dealing with busy schedules, some even with school and kids. But the RIGHT person works because you make it work. When someone says "I don't have time" what they mean is "I don't want to make the time."
 
#87
tycobb73 said:
That line right there tells how you feel. You're trying to get to know someone to see how things work out. Work out for what? Marriage. He's getting to know you because you're fun to be around. He's not trying to see if things "work out." He's doing what he fines enjoyable to him at the moment, and that means being with you. If you broke up right now (kinda sounds like you did, I don't know) you'd be on the prowl for another man. He'd be look for something else that makes him happy at the moment. If that was another girl so be it, if that was his bass or friends, or multiple casual women, that's fine by him too.
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Well, isn't that the whole point of dating? To see if it's something that could be permanent someday? No one's saying "NOW" or "Next week" or even "next year." And dood, I'm already divorced and NOT looking to get married again to the wrong man.

I guess I'm missing the point of dating, because I thought it was all about finding the right person.
 
#88
disenchant said:
Yes it is, because if you really want something, you make it work. There are lots of couples out there dealing with busy schedules, some even with school and kids. But the RIGHT person works because you make it work. When someone says "I don't have time" what they mean is "I don't want to make the time."
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Yikes, I never thought about that before. Sheesh, really made me rethink some things..
 
#90
disenchant said:
Yes it is, because if you really want something, you make it work. There are lots of couples out there dealing with busy schedules, some even with school and kids. But the RIGHT person works because you make it work. When someone says "I don't have time" what they mean is "I don't want to make the time."
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True, but it's one-in-a-million that someone sacrifices major portions of their career, personal health, and personal happiness for someone they've known for a couple weeks.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but clearly you just haven't found "the guy" yet. Or, maybe he was and you just weren't "the girl" for him. Who knows. But dwelling on it here isn't going to get you anywhere, I can tell you that.
 
#91
Aaron Saunders said:
True, but it's one-in-a-million that someone sacrifices major portions of their career, personal health, and personal happiness for someone they've known for a couple weeks.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but clearly you just haven't found "the guy" yet. Or, maybe he was and you just weren't "the girl" for him. Who knows. But dwelling on it here isn't going to get you anywhere, I can tell you that.
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One should never sacrifice themselves for a relationship.

True, I need to go hang with some real people. I'm outta here!!!
 
#92
disenchant said:
Well, isn't that the whole point of dating? To see if it's something that could be permanent someday? No one's saying "NOW" or "Next week" or even "next year." And dood, I'm already divorced and NOT looking to get married again to the wrong man.

I guess I'm missing the point of dating, because I thought it was all about finding the right person.
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The "point" of dating will vary from person to person, surely?

Not everyone who goes on a date is really hoping that it leads to a long term thing. Are they?
 
#93
One should never sacrifice themselves for a relationship.
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Isn't sacrifice, compromise, and communication the cornerstone of any successful relationship? I've never known anyone in a long lasting, healthy relationship that got 100% of their individual potential realized simply because you can't do that when sharing your life with another person.

Not to say you'd be more happy if you DID do that -- my friend's dad is a stupidly amazing country musician, but when his kids were born, he came off the road and while he didn't give up music, stopped playing professionally to be a dad. He's also one of the happiest guys I know and I don't know many people who have been better fathers and husbands...but if he hadn't had kids, he'd probably have been known at least all across the US and Canada. He sacrificed a lot for his kids. Similarly, my dad sacrificed a lot over the years in ways of promotions because it would've meant a lot of traveling (Canadian Air Force) and my mother would've lost her teaching job due to the moving. As a result, my brother and I grew up in one home our entire lives and I think that really came off as a strong benefit. I know more than one kid who had to move a lot as a child, and they never liked it.

Sacrifice is the bread and butter of a relationship...and some people just don't have it in them.
 
#98
disenchant said:
Well, isn't that the whole point of dating? To see if it's something that could be permanent someday? No one's saying "NOW" or "Next week" or even "next year." And dood, I'm already divorced and NOT looking to get married again to the wrong man.

I guess I'm missing the point of dating, because I thought it was all about finding the right person.
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At this point dating to him is how he has fun with his time. Marriage is not on his radar. He dates for the same reason you play bass, because you enjoy it. You don't plan on doing it the rest of your life or have some great long term goal. You do it pretty much for the moment because you enjoy it. He's dating you because he enjoys being around you. He has no master plan as to where this relationship is going and at this point couldn't care. You, on the other hand have a master plan of getting married to someone. He's having fun at the moment and right now that's what's important to him.

You are at the age where a lot of people go "If this isn't leading towards marriage, I'm out." He's just riding this relatiohship out, enjoying it for what it is. Where it goes is where it goes. This is typical of people his age.
 
#99
tycobb73 said:
At this point dating to him is how he has fun with his time. Marriage is not on his radar. He dates for the same reason you play bass, because you enjoy it. You don't plan on doing it the rest of your life or have some great long term goal. You do it pretty much for the moment because you enjoy it. He's dating you because he enjoys being around you. He has no master plan as to where this relationship is going and at this point couldn't care. You, on the other hand have a master plan of getting married to someone. He's having fun at the moment and right now that's what's important to him.

You are at the age where a lot of people go "If this isn't leading towards marriage, I'm out." He's just riding this relatiohship out, enjoying it for what it is. Where it goes is where it goes. This is typical of people his age.
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Translation: He's looking for a friend with "benefits." You're looking for a friend for the rest of your life.
 

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