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I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT MEN!!!!!!!

#146
disenchant said:
No one has answered what is wrong with dating a guy TO FIND OUT if he is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? Isn't that the WHOLE POINT? I mean, not in high school, or even college although a lot of my friends did marry the guys they met in college.

I thought that idea behind dating different people was to eventually either say "yes, you ARE the one" or "no, thanks for playing."

And since I'm already divorced, I am NOT looking to get married just for the sake of getting married. I'm looking for the RIGHT PERSON, which I think is different. Some girls just want to be married to someone. I want to be married to the right guy. So when I meet a guy I first see if he's fun to hang with. Then after a while I look to see if he's someone I might be interested in a long-term relationship with. And then later, think about a future. I thought that was the normal progression...no?

Part of what this thread was about was also that the last 3 guys I dated had proposed to a girl at one time and had been shot down. So they HAD thought about it at one time, and now have decided that they are NOT getting married...maybe ever. And they let me know that in the very beginning, which I think is effed up.
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You are absolutely right in your thinking. It's just the guys you are finding that just aren't right for you. You know the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing? BS. Believe me, it's them. So what? You'll find the right person, when that person comes along.

They are not in the same place you are in life. For some (younger guys especially) the whole point of dating is getting laid, and maybe having some other fun too.

For you, it can be about that too, but also you want to see if this or that guy is the kind of guy you want to be with long term. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Forget all the advice about not letting your feelings be known, or sending out the wrong signals. For crying out loud, it's your life and if you meet the right guy, NOTHING you do, or don't do is going to keep him from wanting to be with you. If that were the case, he isn't the right one in the first place.

Hell, I asked my wife to marry me two months after our first date and she said yes without hesitation. Had she asked earlier if I would ever think about getting married I would have given her an honest answer. I would with anyone I had dated. Who wants to be with someone who isn't honest?

All this BS about playing silly mind games is for high school.

Be yourself, be honest and stop worrying about it.
 
#150
funkydjembe said:
When you find a guy that takes good time to check out your mind, who you truly are, and doesn't rush things, but finds out that he digs you for who you are, and you can totally be yourself, then he just might be the one. You need to be at least 3 things for each-other; Friends, Lovers and Man (with big M) and Woman (with a capitol W) Needle in a haystack I'll tell 'ya. Someone once said that in love you just gotta lay out all the cards, hmm,,, don't know if that's best, scary bussiness:ninja:
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That's the way it happened between my wife and myself, kind of. I was not at all interested in having a relationship because every girl I had been (or wanted to be) in a relationship with always ended up breaking my poor, little heart:bawl: It took a buddy of mine to tell me that she was interested in me for ME, not some guy I was pretending to be. She had been hanging out with me for a couple of months, mainly because she was friends with my step-sister and partied with my little brother, but then she said as she got to know me, she knew that I wasn't going to be one of those dudes she'd been going out with, who start out nice, then turn into D***s. It just happened to be one of those things, that once I knew and made my intentions toward her, and we told each other what we expected from the other...12 years later, we're still together!!:hyper: :D
 
#152
Sundogue said:
You are absolutely right in your thinking. It's just the guys you are finding that just aren't right for you. You know the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing? BS. Believe me, it's them. So what? You'll find the right person, when that person comes along.

They are not in the same place you are in life. For some (younger guys especially) the whole point of dating is getting laid, and maybe having some other fun too.

For you, it can be about that too, but also you want to see if this or that guy is the kind of guy you want to be with long term. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Forget all the advice about not letting your feelings be known, or sending out the wrong signals. For crying out loud, it's your life and if you meet the right guy, NOTHING you do, or don't do is going to keep him from wanting to be with you. If that were the case, he isn't the right one in the first place.

Hell, I asked my wife to marry me two months after our first date and she said yes without hesitation. Had she asked if I would ever think about getting married I would have given her an honest answer. Who wants to be with someone who isn't honest?

All this BS about playing silly mind games is for high school.

Be yourself, be honest and stop worrying about it.
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Sundogue's nailed it here, I couldn't agree more.
 
#153
soulgeezer said:
Despite what you see on TV, life isn't a game show where you're the prize and get to choose the winners and losers.

Real relationships start as friendships and develop - evolve naturally, without being forced - from there.
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Forcing? You can't force anything...it wouldn't be fun otherwise. Usually I just go on being my crazy self and I love to laugh and have a good time. I don't see how that's forcing anything.

soulgeezer said:
Natural progression? Yes. Thinking about it so much? No. Having a checklist is the quickest way to shoot yourself in the foot. What if a potentially great relationship didn't follow this pattern? Then you'd miss out and not even know it. Or, maybe, the guy would just say he's not looking for a committment right now...
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Nah, there's no "checklist." Except for the biggies like no satanic rituals, no communists, no baby-haters, no country music lovers. Usually I take people how they come...I've been told THAT is my problem. But I am looking at them as an individual, and as I get to know them better, I make decisions about who they are in relation to who I am. That IS what we all do, no? I don't see it as a forced pattern, but rather the parttern of communication and the pattern of developing affinity between two people.

soulgeezer said:
Nope, they thought they were being fair with you. They didn't want to string you along, if a casual thing wasn't what you were looking for. And, it's pretty clear that you're not looking for a casual thing.
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Well, I keep being told "I'm not seeing anyone else, but I don't want a commitment." And if I see anyone else...they get upset. So I'm supposed to give the benefits of an exclusive relationship by not seeing anyone else, but none of the responsibility IN CASE someone better comes along.

soulgeezer said:
Look, relationships are tough. Yes, they involve sacrifices, which both partners are willing to make, if they truly love one another. They also involve being open to whatever happens, even if that means just being friends.
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Relationships are not tough. Only the bad ones are. The good ones take some effort...one must PUT the relationship there and take responsibility for it. But effort is worth it, living through hell is not.

soulgeezer said:
dis, seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself. That's absolutely the number one quickest way to turn a guy off. And, even you don't think he knows, believe me -- He does.
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I don't really feel sorry for me. Just them. They'll never know how tremendously awesome being part of a relationship is because they never try in the first place.
 
#155
Sundogue said:
You are absolutely right in your thinking. It's just the guys you are finding that just aren't right for you. You know the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing? BS. Believe me, it's them. So what? You'll find the right person, when that person comes along.

They are not in the same place you are in life. For some (younger guys especially) the whole point of dating is getting laid, and maybe having some other fun too.

For you, it can be about that too, but also you want to see if this or that guy is the kind of guy you want to be with long term. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Forget all the advice about not letting your feelings be known, or sending out the wrong signals. For crying out loud, it's your life and if you meet the right guy, NOTHING you do, or don't do is going to keep him from wanting to be with you. If that were the case, he isn't the right one in the first place.

Hell, I asked my wife to marry me two months after our first date and she said yes without hesitation. Had she asked earlier if I would ever think about getting married I would have given her an honest answer. I would with anyone I had dated. Who wants to be with someone who isn't honest?

All this BS about playing silly mind games is for high school.

Be yourself, be honest and stop worrying about it.
Click to expand...

Thanks! You ROCK!

I'm going to go eat cookies now.
 

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