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I need cheering up...

#41
jonathan_matos5 said:
I sold my amp to fund moving her out. My keyboard too. I need a musical outlet looks like its gonna be learning the blues on my guitar... I also sold my main bass and kept the "cheap" one. I miss the bass and amp more than her right now...
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Man. That's tough. After reading that I would like to suggest you try to pick up a copy of this and give it a look, after your studies of course. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

As for women, better now than latter and believe there would eventually be a latter. There is nothing you could do to change her, you can only change yourself. There are many many more women in the world meeting them is easy saying Hi. Use this relationship to learn what you want and don't want from a woman, other than the obvious, and use that to guide your future.

I'm about twice your age and I'm still faking it. But two things I know about women are 1. To varying degrees they do like security and in our current society that means money. On one end you have the gals that want the millionaire and the other side the gals that want someone to provide enough so that one day if you have kids she could stay home with them if she wanted to. 2. Eager is the trump card for Pretty. No matter how beautiful you think she is it will do you no good if she spoiled brat who is only concerned with herself. No truer words were ever spoken than the old song "Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of that lemon is impossible to eat"
 
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#43
dukeisdog said:
+1

Great advice here.

Going through some tough times right now myself, and although I'm angry, and upset, and a whole whack of other emotions, the thing thats helping me most right now is really evaluating my situation and not making impulse moves that I may or may not regret. I've been considering volunteering some of my upcoming free time (just left my job as I need a break from the heavy physical workload), but could use some suggestions as to where to volunteer. I have the regular animal shelter, old folks home, but anything else anyone could suggest?
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Try some sort of nature clean-up? Here, we have the Detroit River and a lot of different parks. There are always conservation and clean-up efforts going on, and it's a lot of fun.

To the OP: there's a lot of good advice here. The weather's starting to get nice and there are always free things to go do in spring and summer; just try to get out and distract yourself. Don't be afraid to get extra help with school, and after the semester, maybe take a break and think about what you want to do.

Good luck!
 
#44
slobake said:
So you're saying you can't play music with your friends
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not bass anyway. I'm not in a band right now and am a bit removed from the people I used to jam with. I went to college and they had lives (married, children, houses, etc) and moved away. I'll have to search craigslist for a jam.

hopefully I can pull enough money for a Markbass combo by the GC 4th of July sale!
:bassist:

I play music with strangers like every day. my friends on the other hand seem to be pretty spread out.
 
#49
jonathan_matos5 said:
I sold my amp to fund moving her out. My keyboard too. I need a musical outlet looks like its gonna be learning the blues on my guitar... I also sold my main bass and kept the "cheap" one. I miss the bass and amp more than her right now...
Click to expand...

I hate to ask and I don't want to judge your decisions, but why would you sell YOUR stuff to fund HER moving out?
 
#52
bassteban said:
If you really don't understand this, consider yourself fortunate.
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Actually even though I don't understand it, I don't consider myself fortunate because I've been through a messy divorce myself and been cheated on. But still I don't understand it. Even between still caring about the person and hating them and wanting to get them away from me as quick as possible, selling the few things that I had that made me happy was something that never crossed my mind.
 
#53
Skeeter1 said:
Man. That's tough. After reading that I would like to suggest you try to pick up a copy of this and give it a look, after your studies of course. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

As for women, better now than latter and believe there would eventually be a latter. There is nothing you could do to change her, you can only change yourself. There are many many more women in the world meeting them is easy saying Hi. Use this relationship to learn what you want and don't want from a woman, other than the obvious, and use that to guide your future.

I'm about twice your age and I'm still faking it. But two things I know about women are 1. To varying degrees they do like security and in our current society that means money. On one end you have the gals that want the millionaire and the other side the gals that want someone to provide enough so that one day if you have kids she could stay home with them if she wanted to. 2. Eager is the trump card for Pretty. No matter how beautiful you think she is it will do you no good if she spoiled brat who is only concerned with herself. No truer words were ever spoken than the old song "Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of that lemon is impossible to eat"
Click to expand...

Did you read that book yourself? If so, did it truly help you?
 
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#54
jonathan_matos5 said:
it's been a rough few days for me. just broke up with the woman that was briefly my fiance and finished moving her out of my place. I'm resisting the urge to crawl into a bottle, but i could really use something to knock the edge off.
on top of all that I think I might be failing out of college. I'm 29 I should have my ^&*% together by now but it seems like it's all falling apart.

excuse my venting and tell me something to get my mind off it all. :bawl:
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If it makes you feel a wee bit better, I'm 30 years old, with two university degrees and no good job offers. Plus my government is giving me great pains to revalidate my Canadian university degree here in my country. Frankly, it does start to sound like college/university degrees are becoming pretty worthless these days. Oh, and I don't have a girlfriend either (not that I need one... they complicate things).

I don't think many people in their 30s have their stuff together. They just appear successful but they lead over-complicated lives with busy jobs and kids to feed; just a smokescreen that hides their confusion and lack of meaning in life. Take comfort that not everything is at it seems, and that many people who look "grounded" are not truly so...

Or so I like to think.
 
#55
carlthegroover said:
I don't think many people in their 30s have their stuff together. They just appear successful but they lead over-complicated lives with busy jobs and kids to feed; just a smokescreen that hides their confusion and lack of meaning in life. Take comfort that not everything is at it seems, and that many people who look "grounded" are not truly so...

Or so I like to think.
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This is well said. Constant comparisons to other people and envy of the seemingly great life they lead will always take you down a path of unhappiness. Expectations = Future Disappointments.

My wife does this, and all of a sudden we find something out, and her bubble gets crushed when something in other people's lives is found out and she is "surprised". Which seems to happen constantly.

You never know what's going on in people's lives and especially behind closed doors, so focus on making this very next day, the best one for YOU. There is something to be said for living in the moment.
 
#56
tastybasslines said:
This is well said. Constant comparisons to other people and envy of the seemingly great life they lead will always take you down a path of unhappiness. Expectations = Future Disappointments.

My wife does this, and all of a sudden we find something out, and her bubble gets crushed when something in other people's lives is found out and she is "surprised". Which seems to happen constantly.

You never know what's going on in people's lives and especially behind closed doors, so focus on making this very next day, the best one for YOU. There is something to be said for living in the moment.
Click to expand...

Very, very true. I've known former university peers who apparently have a good life and career going on... but then, you hear an endless stream of complaints about their life: they're getting fat, bald, bored, tired of the newborn, tired of the spouse.

And yes, there is a reason something called "mindfulness" exists, especially in meditation practices. It does work if you put some effort to acknowledge and rejoice in the present. OP, look it up. It might give you some ideas about how to enjoy the moment, and avoid ruminating on your fears about the past and the future.
 
#57
There's not one pre-ordained journey that everyone travels along. People go through different things at different times - don't beat up on yourself because you're going through this experience at this age. Other people will go through their equivalent at earlier and later times, and there's someone out there your age right now going through something you went through and got over when you were 15.

As far as people having their **** together is concerned ... you can't see inside their heads, you can only see inside your own. The best any of us regular, non-Zen-Master folks can manage is to be like a swan, looking serene from above but paddling like **** underneath. Some stuff gets easier to handle as you get older and more experienced, but new things keep piling up just as fast.

Grab a bag of apples and a few cheap rip-top cans of chili to eat cold, go camping for a couple of nights and write it all down.
 
#60
I went through a very difficult stage in my life in the court system. The tough times I went through inspired me to pick up a bass. I was also in school at the time and in danger of flunking out. You are the only one that can hold yourself back. You and you alone. You have two options. Do things that will help or do things that will hurt. I chose to do things that will help and I proved myself in court and got what's right. I got my degree and my life is much better than it was a year ago. You are 29 years old not only isn't your life over but it hasn't even begun. I have a cousin over seas that is younger than you and doesn't know if hell even make it to be your age due to his current health condition. Count your blessings and make healthy decisions and you will make it through this. Best if luck
 

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