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I'm divorced.

crikker

crikker

Yooper
Sep 25, 2004
308
82
Oak Creek, WI
#1
I've been practicing that. As of this time tomorrow night, I'll be divorced after 20+ years. I know this is a bass player forum but I've seen some good advice here so...how in the shag did you get through the first week? I think if I can struggle through until the weekend, I have enough to do to not think about it. Haven't been sleeping for poopie but I've also tried to fill my time during the days. It was a mutual agreement so the thing I'm having a tough time is not having her around. I'm not pussing out here (I don't think) but this does suck.
 
#2
It's pretty hard at first. I had a couple of months just going through the motions in kind of a daze. Gotta go to work, etc. don't rush back into dating, but don't wait too long either, or you'll end up a hermit. I got lucky and met a hot blonde about three months after the split, and that did wonders for my self esteem, although that turned into it's own crazy chick nightmare. But it certainly helped me get past the divorce.

One thing to keep in mind is that this isn't a failure on your part. Sometimes things just don't work out, two people couldn't see eye to eye anymore. People grow and change, and sometimes they outgrow one another. They want different things. Don't beat yourself up about it.
 
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#4
Emotional hit, big time, like losing a parent, job, you get the point.

Don't hook up too soon, let this part of your life be over. Take care of yourself, maybe get an exercise regime going, for instance.

Have some fun too. This must be a relief on some level already
 
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#7
Simultaniously one of the best and worst times of my life after I got divorced.
I feel for ya.

Most important thing told to me at that point:
Be happy being yourself. Dont try to be someone else. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
Find things you really enjoy in life and get all they are worth.




No I didnt sleep for a few days either. But it gets better.
After my divorce, I started playing bass again, fishing, and drawing pin-up girls (think Vargas)
I rearranged the furniture, and put my Camaro in the garage!

For me it also lead in time to a new marriage and children, something I missed despite 10+ yrs the first go. My life is better now by far
 
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#9
Keep yourself occupied, think positive thoughts and just give it time. Do NOT go jumping back into the game too soon because you need time to reflect on things. Don't be surprised if you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster for a while because it's all part of it. But time is a great healer and sooner or later you will find your way and what works best for you.
 
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#10
In the first week, the only thing that calmed me down was insane amounts of exercise. Like 1 hour of cardio with a heartbeat over 140. It was the only way I could sleep and stop thinking about her.

Then - avoid her at all costs - even if it feels good to see her. Don't talk to her, don't communicate. Move on. Every piece of contact keeps you in the loop.

Then - get some strange. That will make you feel better. But don't get serious for a long time. You will know when it feels right.

It is one of the hardest things I ever went through.

Of course, now I look back and she doesn't seem like all that. Plus my current squeeze is hotter, sweeter, cooler, smarter, etc.
 
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#11
Sorry to hear that must be hard especially after twenty years. As many said keep busy since it's mutual you can rationalize the marriage wasn't working. Take some time for yourself and before you date again make sure you are over this. It's going to be hard being apart from her after twenty years but it's mainly fear of change think about what you want changed in your life and try and make a hard change being positive changes with it. Best of luck and keep us posted.
 
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#17
crikker said:
I've been practicing that. As of this time tomorrow night, I'll be divorced after 20+ years. I know this is a bass player forum but I've seen some good advice here so...how in the **** did you get through the first week? I think if I can struggle through until the weekend, I have enough to do to not think about it. Haven't been sleeping for **** but I've also tried to fill my time during the days. It was a mutual agreement so the thing I'm having a tough time is not having her around. I'm not pussing out here (I don't think) but this does suck.
Click to expand...

BTW - tomorrow night is the first day of the rest of your life. The horrible process you just went through is over and now you can start over.

It can be very freeing if you look at it that way.
 
#19
I;m sorry to hear about that. I wish you all the best in this though time and I hope you can keep everything together. I'm not married, but if you ever feel like you need to talk with somebody, just PM me :)

Cheers my friend.
 
#20
First off... I am sorry to hear about this.
I got divorced many years ago and the only way I survived was with these three bits of advice.
This is assuming you have no children...
1. Take care of #1. You. Everything else will fall into place.
You are the most important person to pay attention to.
2. Out of sight... Out of mind. Break the connection totally.
If you don't you will dwell on the past and become depressed.
3. You might be a little lighter in the wallet, so find something aggressive to do in
your free time. Running gets a lot of anger out of your system and is a very low
cost hobby. Anything physical will help.

Best of luck
 
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