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I'm divorced.

So, this is the end of it. I get a text today from my ex. We were officially divorced on January 15th. She didn't know and neither did I. Since I received it, I've been bummed. She wasn't a bitch about it and we were both calm. Just acknowledged it between each other. 28 years ladies and gentlemen is now complete. All those years and it ends with a text. Whatchagonnado? I will say, I've come to terms with it and have been more relaxed and happy in the last month or so than I had been in years.

I am now going to drown my sorrows with some fine beer, play some poopy bass, make a lunch for work tomorrow and move on. I'll probably put on some melancholy music that reminds me of the good times we had. Sleep like poopie then get on with my life. Thank you all again, many times over, for the words of encouragement and advice. Please pass more on if you have it.
 
You sound like you're doing good. Good for you, dude. Maybe every morning when you wake up, just think of one reason why you're better off. Even if it's something little like being able to leave the toilet seat up or drink a beer in the shower or that you don't have to rush home from band practice. acknowledge it and enjoy it. It'll make you think positive and pretty soon you'll have a list of reasons to smile.
 
Quick update again. Life is good! Haven't had a fight since last August. When I do have to interact with her, I realize how bad it was and how bad she makes me feel. The good thing is, when I do talk or email, it's over. I feel like crap but recover quickly and move on. No more long time pain. I like that.

Had a few one nighters. Played a lot of bass. Drank a lot (I know). Good friends are still around helping me. Going on vacation next week to North Carolina. I have a good friend down there. Told him I need to run away from 2014 for a bit. Visiting him and a cousin then we're going to Myrtle Beach for a few days. Going to lay low and enjoy the downtime.

Met an outstanding lady last Sunday and spent all of last weekend with her. I'm not sure where it will go but it's going. She's so shaging cool and relaxed it makes it all easy.

How about that? Chin up!
 
Quick update again. Life is good! Haven't had a fight since last August. When I do have to interact with her, I realize how bad it was and how bad she makes me feel. The good thing is, when I do talk or email, it's over. I feel like crap but recover quickly and move on. No more long time pain. I like that.

Had a few one nighters. Played a lot of bass. Drank a lot (I know). Good friends are still around helping me. Going on vacation next week to North Carolina. I have a good friend down there. Told him I need to run away from 2014 for a bit. Visiting him and a cousin then we're going to Myrtle Beach for a few days. Going to lay low and enjoy the downtime.

Met an outstanding lady last Sunday and spent all of last weekend with her. I'm not sure where it will go but it's going. She's so ****ing cool and relaxed it makes it all easy.

How about that? Chin up!

Wow! Good for you! You da maaaaaan!
 
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Glad to hear you're on the upswing - good for you. Things have just continued to get better for me, too. Once trial was over, I spent a month or so just being completely p***** off and violated. Then I started rebuilding. I'm healthier and happier than I've ever been, to be honest. And I'm six months into a relationship with a woman that's too good to be true...
 
It almost seems women know when a guy is down or something.

I think there is some truth to this. Certainly not "An Expert On The Ladies" or anything, but I think most women can detect when a man is down (and I imagine they don't want to play the "Poor baby! I will make him all better!" scene for long.

On the flipside, I think women also can sense when a man is confident and upbeat, and I think this is what most women want in a man. I have read many surveys where women will list both confidence and humor above looks and money as far as what they are looking for in a guy.

Of course, there is a difference between being confident and being an overbearing or arrogant d-bag.

When you are happy again,they'll find YOU, they have a way of knowing when a man is happy, and they immediately NEED to change him!

Ha! Yeah, pretty much!

Not divorced, never been. However I offer up another suggestion...

Get a dog. Dogs will give you unconditional love no matter how you feel, or how much time you give them. The do demand some exercise, which is good for you, and unlike your ex-, they will always be happy to see you and hear the sound of your voice.

Think about it.

I have had dogs since 1989, and been dog-less for exactly ONE week since. Can't imagine not having one in my life.

Totally agree. Dogs >>>> humans. They are true, lifelong partners.

Quick update again. Life is good! Haven't had a fight since last August. When I do have to interact with her, I realize how bad it was and how bad she makes me feel. The good thing is, when I do talk or email, it's over. I feel like crap but recover quickly and move on. No more long time pain. I like that.

Right on, man! Good for you. Proud of you. I've never been through anything like that and hope I never have to, but one never knows. Glad to hear you've been strong and having extended feelings of happiness.

Like others have said here, when you are in the middle of depression or a traumatic event, or dealing with the aftermath of something very emotionally draining, it's hard to remember that it is a temporary state and you won't always feel down all the time. Life is still good. Plenty of things (and ladies) to enjoy!

Had a few one nighters. Played a lot of bass. Drank a lot (I know). Good friends are still around helping me. Going on vacation next week to North Carolina. I have a good friend down there. Told him I need to run away from 2014 for a bit. Visiting him and a cousin then we're going to Myrtle Beach for a few days. Going to lay low and enjoy the downtime.

Met an outstanding lady last Sunday and spent all of last weekend with her. I'm not sure where it will go but it's going. She's so ****ing cool and relaxed it makes it all easy.

How about that? Chin up!

Sounds like you are living the dream, brother!
 
My sister is getting married and I don't like the idea. She's not mature enough, last month she called me crying and wanted me to pick her up at her boyfriends house. She was causing a scene because they had an argument and he took her makeup bag. I just get the feeling she's gonna end up pregnant and divorced within 2 years.
 
I remember reading through this a long while back and being impressed with the good advice given. Now that it's more relevant to me, it's even more valuable... Thanks to those that offered advice for the O.P.
 
I remember reading through this a long while back and being impressed with the good advice given. Now that it's more relevant to me, it's even more valuable... Thanks to those that offered advice for the O.P.

Don't shut yourself down or your friends out. If anything spend more time around others. Get as many hugs as you can (ask for them). We're social creatures who take rejection often very very deeply. Your spouse may have been your world, or maybe not, but there is a big world beyond them.

Try to eat well, get at least a walk in every day, listen to music you like (that won't remind you of 'her'), schedule time with friends, and if you don't have one consider that dog. Rescues need love just like you.
 
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I should clarify a bit. Married 8 years, no kids... we've essentially been roommates for the last six years. Emotions aside, I think we're both looking forward to the other side, so hopefully the splitting of assets/debts/stuff will go relatively smoothly. I'm hopeful at least. No intentions of a relationship again any time soon, it's not even a little bit interesting. I need to get my butt in better shape, work on the neglected house (if it's still in possession,) and definitely practice some challenging bass stuff.
 
I should clarify a bit. Married 8 years, no kids... we've essentially been roommates for the last six years. Emotions aside, I think we're both looking forward to the other side, so hopefully the splitting of assets/debts/stuff will go relatively smoothly. I'm hopeful at least. No intentions of a relationship again any time soon, it's not even a little bit interesting. I need to get my butt in better shape, work on the neglected house (if it's still in possession,) and definitely practice some challenging bass stuff.

Going 'paleo' (low-carb, low sugar, no grains) will help a lot. If you need a good exercise machine the best out there Is a Concept 2 rower. Try CL. Model D or E only now. Make yourself do of for at least 10 minutes a day and you'll get addicted in no time.
 
I'm a student of the woods and a hunter and live in a rural area. I'll most likely begin walking trails again until that gets easy, then maybe start hauling a backpack with increasing weight. That's the plan at the moment, anyway. I don't really eat "bad" now, but I don't get much physical exercise like I used to, and it shows.
 
Was married for 12 years. Divorced amicably in 2003. Stayed friends with her and eventually with her new husband.

We all spent this past Easter together along with our 22 yo daughter, her husband and their 2 yo.

Im truly grateful for this outcome asI know that most people end up hating their ex's.
 
Hello TB. Here's an update for those that care. I'm still seeing that lovely lady from months ago. We're getting along great. She's in the same boat as me being that we don't want anything to do with marriage. Too many times burnt for us.

To be with someone that wants to be with you (rather than fighting) is so outstanding it feels good to be alive again. It's so great to to be able to interact with someone again without the constant threat of fighting. She's shown me that there are so many things out there to see that I was missing before. Watching her with her kids is fun too. I forget how much is involved with having kids and the dynamics with that. Good times.

My ex and I have to interact occasionally but it's on a strictly business level. It has to be about our kids or the divorce. Nothing else. She has moved out of the area and at first that was hard knowing she had left our life behind, but looking at it now, it's all for the better. No chance of running into her with someone or me with my girl. Far more better for the both of us.

If I can help any of you get through some poopy times, please send a message. If I can get through all the years that I had with my ex and survive, I bet you can too. Please let me help.