Im so lonely

[THand]

I take everything personal.

Was it?
Did someone say, "We're breaking up because Sam's feet stink?" Because THAT would be personal, otherwise...It's What Bands Do!

You've made it clear that you want this to be your career. Life is tough, jobs are tough, for everyone....but especially so in the music business. I'm really sorry your are upset, and I love ya, but I have to show a tiny bit of "tough love" and tell you to grow a thicker skin. It is a requirement, if you want to make a career out of this. If you want to keep it as a fun hobby, it's not so much a requirement because you aren't depending on it for a living.
Guess what? You're next band? It will break up too. It's what they do. A band is like a pet fish. No matter how much time and money you spend on it, one day soon, it will go down the toilet. Make " being the best bassist you can be your goal", and the "band" won't matter so much.

Like...I put so much in..and they just ruined it.

Anger would be justified and understandable here. Just find a positive and creative way to get it out, and don't internalize it. Then let it go, and move on. Life's too short to stay there long.

I feel like I suck.

Far from it. You know better than that.

Back to playing by myself in my room alone with no one...that sucked

Carol Kaye once said(p.p.), "being a great bassist means having the discipline for great sacrifice, and living a life of self-imposed exile." Or something like that. She was talking about everything from woodshedding to work on your time and reading while others are out having fun, to having a packed schedule and tons of gigs yet you are never home to see your loved ones. Eitherway, it's a career with plenty of opportunities to feel left out and alone....at all levels. Just remember, you are not alone.

Ages ago, I read The Road Less Traveled. It started out with the statement(IIRC) "Life is hard." Once you understand that life is supposed to be hard, it no longer is. It is just life being life.

And one more time: You Don't Suck!

 

[sloasdaylight]

Stop taking things personally.

 

[L-A]

Stop taking things personally.

Oh, I hate it when you say that to me

 

[sloasdaylight]

courage wolf - Google Search

 

[MEKer]

I love how you're talking about sex night and your name is quickie

Better than "Tiny".......just sayin'

 

[WackoStu]

Sam,

Everything happens for a reason. With your chops, there are better and bigger things waiting. Meanwhile, keep playing, practicing and try something different. Hit an open jam, answer a CL add, or start a new band. The future holds wonderful things.

 

[GBassNorth]

Hey Sam - jumpin over here from the chick w/wo bass thread to see how things are going. Sorry to hear about the band, their loss not yours. Keep the faith in your girl friend and she'll do the same.
In the meantime treat this ****ing situation as a once in a lifetime opportunity. Some of the most prolific song writers wote their best stuff when their life was in a complete shambles. Your emotions are at a peak right now (good and bad) use this time to emerse yourself in your love of the bass and music in general. Write a song that sums up your feelings and displays the emotions you're dealing with right now. The band Theory of a Dead Man put out a great album (think it's called I Lied) that runs the full gammit of feelings the lead singer had as he was going thru a major break up with his girl, it's some of their best stuff.
You still have your girl but you could write about other parts of your life and the challenges you're going thru right now. Could end up being some of your best most heartfelt work!
Regardless of whatever you decide to do remember you always have an entire community of bass soul mates you can lean on.
PS - a great musician never lets the band be her identity, she identifys the band. Look at Timothy B. Schmidt, Robert Truillo, Tal W. etc. Bands seek them to drive their image to higher levels. Don't think for a second that you couldn't step into any of those shoes and fill their spot - yes you're that good! Be defiant, remain humble and kick some @ss!

 

[rtslinger]

Sam sorry to hear about your band but, don't give up you are a bass player get out there and hit the open mic nights for a while you can hook up with some decent players that way.You won't be in your room and you will not have given up on your love of playing in a band. Bands are tough imo tougher then most situation you will come across. Band= creative people working together towards many of their own goals not the goals that maybe best for the band Band rarely= team players. So do not take it as a fault of yours or that it was because you suck as you have said earlier. It takes time to find like minded people. You are young and have plenty of time to hook up with the right ones for you. many, many, many of us have been in and out of bands our whole lives. And if my band folds ten minutes from now I will put together another one as I have done it the past. I've been in bands since I was 13 and I am 52 there is a lot of math in between those two numbers and a lot of joy and disappointment. You are unique in that you are a female bass player and have this talent be very proud of that fact and use it to your advantage. Good Luck RTS

 

[guest4325qpt]

I can relate to how you feel about your band breaking up. My guitarist decided to put it on hold because he "wasn't feeling it anymore." the way I see it is he just isn't dedicated. I can't count how many times he blew off writing times to go get high, He joined some thrash band and just didn't care. I'm starting to see it as a way for me to step out of his shadow and start my own band since he got all the attention since he is well known around my state. The best thing you can do is write, since your feeling sad, put that into your music, creates something great out of a bad situation. Best of luck Sam!

 

[JimmyThunder]

Link Removed

"Ain't no way to keep a band together. Bands come and go. You got to keep on playin', no matter with who."
- Del Paxton

 

[fingerbun]

Hey Sam, when are you seeing Erica next?

If you have time on your hands have you considered uploading some good recordings of your stuff? Don't know if you write but all i've heard of your playing was those phone clips on the other thread. Love to hear your tone in all it's glory.

 

[tdub0199]

Sam, keep your head up!!!! You are beautiful inside & out.... as many others have said, bands come & go.... if you don't mind me asking... why did you guys break up?

 

[Kwesi]

courage wolf - Google Search

 

[Samthebassist]

Sam, keep your head up!!!! You are beautiful inside & out.... as many others have said, bands come & go.... if you don't mind me asking... why did you guys break up?

The guitarist just flipped and was basically being a guitard. He said he was way more passionate than anyone else and we "bring crap to practice" which is such a lie. I might not be in a great mood at practice 100% of the time but no matter my mood, it doesn't affect my playing EVER. And he just went on about his problems and how it's all about him and blah blah. And just kept reiterating that he's so much more into music than us. Almost punched him.

2 out of the 5 people in the band have jobs. I'm one of them. Sorry we work so we can go to school? Pay for band stuff? We can't all have 10 free hours a day to tittle on the guitar.
Whatever.

 

[Samthebassist]

Hey Sam, when are you seeing Erica next?

If you have time on your hands have you considered uploading some good recordings of your stuff? Don't know if you write but all i've heard of your playing was those phone clips on the other thread. Love to hear your tone in all it's glory.

Erica lives with me

I'm glad you like my tone. I'll make some videos really soon

 

[tdub0199]

The guitarist just flipped and was basically being a guitard. He said he was way more passionate than anyone else and we "bring crap to practice" which is such a lie. I might not be in a great mood at practice 100% of the time but no matter my mood, it doesn't affect my playing EVER. And he just went on about his problems and how it's all about him and blah blah. And just kept reiterating that he's so much more into music than us. Almost punched him.

2 out of the 5 people in the band have jobs. I'm one of them. Sorry we work so we can go to school? Pay for band stuff? We can't all have 10 free hours a day to tittle on the guitar.
Whatever.

Don't fret on what he says, we all have a sh*tty day here & there.....Sounds like he has a HUGE ego.... you'll do better without someone like that... from what I saw in the video, you are miles ahead of him.... keep your head up and no matter what, keep playing with or without them!!!! you have a future in music!!!!!

 

[MatticusMania]

The guitarist just flipped and was basically being a guitard. He said he was way more passionate than anyone else and we "bring crap to practice" which is such a lie. I might not be in a great mood at practice 100% of the time but no matter my mood, it doesn't affect my playing EVER. And he just went on about his problems and how it's all about him and blah blah. And just kept reiterating that he's so much more into music than us. Almost punched him.

2 out of the 5 people in the band have jobs. I'm one of them. Sorry we work so we can go to school? Pay for band stuff? We can't all have 10 free hours a day to tittle on the guitar.
Whatever.

Sounds to me like you should be glad to be out of that lame situation! Onwards and upwards, hun. Better things await you!

 

[THand]

The guitarist just flipped and was basically being a guitard. He said he was way more passionate than anyone else and we "bring crap to practice" which is such a lie. I might not be in a great mood at practice 100% of the time but no matter my mood, it doesn't affect my playing EVER. And he just went on about his problems and how it's all about him and blah blah. And just kept reiterating that he's so much more into music than us. Almost punched him.

2 out of the 5 people in the band have jobs. I'm one of them. Sorry we work so we can go to school? Pay for band stuff? We can't all have 10 free hours a day to tittle on the guitar.
Whatever.

So it's just one guy with an attitude problem? Why don't the remaining 4 of you work something out, or you and the other person that at least has a job start something new and start some auditions?

 

[chuck3]

it's a real bummer that your band broke up, but my $.02 is that you were easily the best musician in that band. Being that you're a good bass player (and also a woman and also good-looking, not that any of that matters, right?), I'll bet you can find another playing situation quickly. I guess there are issues like location and whether you have a car at your disposal - but I'd think greater KC has or needs a bunch of bands. I'd also branch out a little - keep your involvement with metal but try something else too, maybe mainstream rock or even jazz (which I'll bet you can play). I find mixing it up a little is good.

 

[BBox Bass]

The band broke up last night...so now...*** do I have

You probably have more than you think you do. I have been in your situation, and it's no fun. About 4 years ago, I had two musical projects go south just a few months apart. I felt like I had lost everything and fell into a depression because being in bands had become such an integral part of my identity. Eventually, new opportunities popped up and I got to work with some excellent musicians along the way. At one point I was in 3 bands at the same time and decided I was too busy, so I quit two of them (one was loaded with drama, and the other was heading that way).

Lately I'm feeling like I'm heading down that road again because my current band hasn't really recovered since our drummer quit last fall. A couple months later, we hired a new guy who fit in well, but we have played out only twice because we have been unable to find time to practice. I am fortunate to have a day job that doesn't interfere with band activities and my family is a thousand miles away, but my bandmates are a different story. They are good musicians who want to make this project work, but the lead guitarist has small children and a crazy work schedule. Whenever he is available, something always seems to come up that forces us to cancel practice. It happened again tonight when one of the drummer's relatives died.

What saved me during the first bandless period was writing and recording. When my band's drummer quit last year, I reminded myself that downtime just means time to get other things done. I put together a demo of 20 songs, and when I finished I was very proud of having been so productive. This summer I refinished several instruments and finally got comfortable with 5 string basses, both of which I consider major accomplishments.

Just remember that, as someone else mentioned, band breakups are a normal part of life, and something will come along sooner or later. The trick is to find a useful activity to occupy your time during the lulls. Good luck!