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Insufferable Band Member(s)

#61
people define their own limits and boundaries based on their capacities/capabilities...

me? i find 'whining threads' to be "insufferable." but also, seductive, entertaining but slightly repulsive, expected/common, and therefore average --- did i mention "insufferable?" :roflmao: --- all in one fell swoop! :D gotta love the www for making all of this possible, right?

:laugh:
 
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#62
JRA said:
people define their own limits and boundaries based on their capacities/capabilities...

me? i find 'whining threads' to be "insufferable." but also, seductive, entertaining but slightly repulsive, expected/common, and therefore average --- did i mention "insufferable?" :roflmao: --- all in one fell swoop! :D gotta love the www for making all of this possible, right?

:laugh:
Click to expand...

JRA, you just covered the range of emotions the vast majority have towards our bandmates.
 
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#63
POV I suppose, narcissism perhaps, without more info it is difficult to give advice. Quite possible when you roll out the other band members say "what are we gonna do about that guy" he is "insufferable" BUT he can hold the lowend down so lets just give him a little more time...:)
 
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#64
I'm a quiet introspective type so little phases me even with a very good singer who got into an altercation once with the club manager before the set..Ok I thght, thats done. Halfway thru the show our singer stops the band and starts berrating the guy over the pa...It's a beach strip kinda place with the entire frontage open to the boulevard and the bystanders who watched in horror.....but it was funny and kinda showbizzy...Did I leave?, No way it was just silly really and! they kept us on for the entire season. You gotta roll with it if the total thing is good and we were good.
 
#66
chris1327 said:
I love the diversity of viewpoints on these threads, and I’d love to learn about the strategies (or coping mechanisms?) for dealing with difficult band members. Do you ever choose to stay in a band with a member that you just find insufferable?
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Played a few years with an R&B band where the singer/alto player/self-anointed front man was a real jerk. In the end, he did us all a favor and quit. In the band I play with now, we are ALL insufferable, but only in rehearsal.:D
 
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#67
My definition of insufferable...??
If I have no respect, don't like, contempt for one person, then those are not recoverable positions so I'm out.
I dont have to be best buds by any stretch but I cant have no time for someone.
 
#68
I think the key element here is the choice of words by the O.P.

If something is insufferable (to me), I won't "suffer" it.

I have been in bands with people whom a lot of others saw as "insufferable" (Come on, we all know lead singers) and at times I've agreed and at times, I haven't.

I tend to see the best in people and I give full marks for potential (both as musicians and human beings). If I think someone can be "taken under (someone's) wing", I tend to try to make that happen. I don't just give up on people unless I find them to be insufferable. ;)

So, I have stayed in situations longer than I should have and I've even left some situations, when I shouldn't have (I've started packing up and walked out of two auditions).

I think a few people have hit the nail on the head with their advice/answers: it depends upon what each individual deems "insufferable".

I was in one band where we auditioned a guy who had embezzled six figures from a church to which he belonged (and had the ability to do so). I was against allowing him to even audition. I was out-voted (there was only two of us in the band, at the time, but he chose to flex his muscle). After a few months of hearing this guy pontificate about "doing the right thing in life" and "being a good person" (he didn't know we'd discovered his past transgressions), I just couldn't take anymore. I wish I'd have left when the decision was made to allow him to audition.

Other times, I "stuck it out" and wound up having a great time and making a new friend.
 
#71
If they are idiots....i'm ok with that until it starts affecting me directly. If they become unreliable when it comes to showing up for gigs/rehersal....not learning new material....getting drunk during shows.....bringing their trash relationship drama to gigs/rehersal. These issues are deal breakers for me.
 
#74
I've put up with nonsense to keep bands going. Like over 50% practice cancellation, and when the dude is there it's maybe worse than when he isn't. Too loud, too busy, too talkative, always thinking about the next unnecessary fill instead of where he is, what he is doing. Sometimes, I put up with way too much, but I didn't want to end it until I had something else to jump to, just as if it was a crappy job.

I've had the gamut of possible endings - the drummer leaves, I leave, the band dissolves.

The worse it gets, the more motivated you should be to find another outlet. But motivation alone doesn't always work, you also need a little luck.
 
#77
chris1327 said:
I love the diversity of viewpoints on these threads, and I’d love to learn about the strategies (or coping mechanisms?) for dealing with difficult band members. Do you ever choose to stay in a band with a member that you just find insufferable?
Click to expand...
Considering that playing bass is a hobby that I do for enjoyment, I find a graceful exit from band situations with insufferable peeps. Unfortunately, it happens all too often. Luckily, I've become good at coming up with realistic graceful exits that enable me to maintain friendships while moving on...
 
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#79
:laugh: :roflmao:
LBS-bass said:
I'm wondering what a sufferable bandmate might be like.
Click to expand...
0000_2.jpg
(95% sufferable in most circumstances)

:wideyed:


teleharmonium said:
motivation alone doesn't always work, you also need a little luck.
Click to expand...
luck = never quit!
 
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#80
I've never been kicked out of a band either. But I suspect I'm only sufferable because I don't make a lot of noise about my numerous levels of dissatisfaction. I just wait until the whole thing bubbles up into a cauldron of seething and unrelenting resentment, and then I tell them all to have a nice day but I really think it's no longer such a good fit and they deserve someone who can make a firmer committment.
 
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