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Interactions with your bandmates... Friends? Or just Work?
- Thread starter DanBass
- Start date
My current band are friends, but I only hang out with the singer outside of gigs. The drummer is 5-10 years younger than the other members with his own social circle, and the other guy has a 3 year old son; it is harder to relate to either.
Of course in my last band (5-piece), 3 of the guys shared an apartment and hung out all the time without me or that drummer.
I prefer how it is currently.
Of course in my last band (5-piece), 3 of the guys shared an apartment and hung out all the time without me or that drummer.
I prefer how it is currently.
Friends... bah.
My wife, kids and grandkids are my friends. Bandmates are bandmates.
But I'm old and smell weird.
My wife, kids and grandkids are my friends. Bandmates are bandmates.
But I'm old and smell weird.
There was definitely a lot of socializing outside of regular band business with just about every band I have been in. A metal band I was in from 1997 to 2001 saw a lot of socializing, I worked with the drummer (we both had a second job delivering pizzas, and he got me the job there), so we hung out a lot, and the band as a whole or in parts did all kinds of things together, including attending a couple of weddings. We had an easy camaraderie that I don't think I ever experienced before or since. Even though I was the new guy, I fell right in with it and was accepted nearly instantly. The weird thing is that we don't really talk anymore, we all moved on to new bands (or no bands, in a couple of cases) and some moved away, and other than the occasional FB post there isn't much interaction.
The exception is my previous band, I could only really hang out with the singer and her boyfriend, everyone else drove me nuts (or I drove them nuts!). My current band, I really haven't hung out with them with the exception of the singer's birthday party back in July. We shall see how that goes.
The exception is my previous band, I could only really hang out with the singer and her boyfriend, everyone else drove me nuts (or I drove them nuts!). My current band, I really haven't hung out with them with the exception of the singer's birthday party back in July. We shall see how that goes.
Like what everyone wrote here, and pretty much agree. I talk a lot with most of the members of bands I've been in; I think there's only one band that I didn't really talk to any of the members and wasn't very close.....but they were just starting out as musos except for myself (then on guitar) and the keyboardist....I've had the pleasure of getting along with members very well: the social is a PLUS, but of course people have their own lives, so I'm glad we're able to get together and play.
The older I get the more it seems like an enjoyable business without the social aspect. I've already done the other-- young guys packed into a $15 a night room somewhere in Montana, all joking about the hot girl sitting in the front row... where to eat in strange towns, where to do laundry... living like a family.
Now my responsibilities are greater because my music career never became as great as I wished it had. Then I can't tell you what it would be like in a truly successful recording band that tours. Sure they're tight and live in the same--hotels during tours. But when they're done, some band members live in different countries!
It sounds like you're growing up, and so are your bandmates. Nothing wrong with that. Progression of life and all that.
Now my responsibilities are greater because my music career never became as great as I wished it had. Then I can't tell you what it would be like in a truly successful recording band that tours. Sure they're tight and live in the same--hotels during tours. But when they're done, some band members live in different countries!
It sounds like you're growing up, and so are your bandmates. Nothing wrong with that. Progression of life and all that.
I think you pretty much nailed the why of it.
Your last two sentences made me remember this:
They're rioting in Africa. They're starving in Spain.
There's hurricanes in Florida and Texas needs rain.
The whole world is festering with unhappy souls.
The French hate the Germans. The Germans hate the Poles.
Italians hate Yugoslavs. South Africans hate the Dutch
and I don't like anybody very much!
One of the only things I have in common with my mates is the music. We've never hung out. I don't mind, since we don't have other similar interests. We play well together, and that seems to be enough to keep it going.
I've been in situations where it's like the OP describes, spending non music time together, but I think it just changes as you get older. For me, anyway.
Just have other responsibilities, and not a lot of free time. When I do have it, I'm playing music.
I've been in situations where it's like the OP describes, spending non music time together, but I think it just changes as you get older. For me, anyway.
Just have other responsibilities, and not a lot of free time. When I do have it, I'm playing music.
In my opinion the creative process is a very intimate thing. I have to be able to connect with my band mates outside of practice or I will not be able to open up during the writing/practice environment. Trust is a key element and that takes awhile to build up. Me and my band mates have been really close friends for years and know each other very well beyond our music. There is just a vibe we can feel with each other and can anticipate where we are going with certain lines which helps us lock in very well. I will choose band mates whom I have a personal connections with and are decent musicians over a strictly business relationship with virtuosoes any day of the week. My band mates are phenomenal musicians so it is a win-win for me. The feel of the music is more important then technical skill showcasing in my opinion and when you do it with people you really connect with I feel it comes out more authentic. People like to listen to music they feel they can connect with on a deeper level then just in auditory form.
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Just work. Just the way I like it. Love 'em all, they're great people, but I'm going home at the end of the night, see y'all next time.
Of course, in my current gig, 4 band members live here, two in L.A., and one in IL. So that kind of forces the issue of "see y'all next time!"
I moved 12000km away from my birthplace in my late 20s so I met most of my current friends from playing in bands. The line is difuse for me. Still, I don't make friends with people I'm not happy with in a band. It's beyond me. You'd call this childish but, with just a couple exceptions, I never had great relationships with keyboard players, I've almost always played rock/metal/HC punk music and I simply find them not belonging there (at least you typical keyboard player, maybe not the electronic artist kind) and it reflected in me not being too prone to making friends with many of those. Also, since I'm a bassist but even more since I'm singing and playing bass in a band I have a hard time making friends with drummers who give me a hard time (poor tempo or groove, doubtful). OTOH, and besides moving on to front a band in the last decade, I still consider myself the-guy-behind-standing-next-to-the-drums, because of the great bond I've felt thru' time (and still feel) with some amazing drummers I've had the chance of playing with. In my case guitards are not a subject, as I'm blessed with playing with 2 lovely and amazing guys from whom I'm always learning stuff (yeah, an exception, I know).
As for making a band with friends, well, I may have done that back where I've lived all my life (altho' never did), but now, I came here 12 years ago being already a musician so after getting in contact with the local scene one thing led to another, one contact led to others, one friend led to others too, not so delimited, most of my friends came thru' music.
As for making a band with friends, well, I may have done that back where I've lived all my life (altho' never did), but now, I came here 12 years ago being already a musician so after getting in contact with the local scene one thing led to another, one contact led to others, one friend led to others too, not so delimited, most of my friends came thru' music.
If we can't be friends / hang out then I can't be in that band. Even the band where I am 25 and the rest of the band is (almost) 50 we still choose to hang out, go to events and have a crazy blast whenever we play international. Seems some get old and wise and some just want to make it last forever.
To me it's usually friendly.
I say 'no' when the first thing I hear how great friends everyone in the band are.
In one instance they were even sharing a flat.
Not for me, that.
Friendly that may develop into friendship...or it may not and stay mostly professional is good by me.
I say 'no' when the first thing I hear how great friends everyone in the band are.
In one instance they were even sharing a flat.
Not for me, that.
Friendly that may develop into friendship...or it may not and stay mostly professional is good by me.
being in a band means for me: 1st priority is making music (rehearsals/gigs), friendship is only an option ... but we all get along great.
I have been "friendly" with most of my past bandmates-now I know I was never "Friends" with any of them. When the bands ended so did my interactions with 95% of them.
Most people today are way to self centered to make "Friends" work in a band or otherwise. Its all about them, all the time.
Matter of fact that is probably why most marriages end in divorce as well.
Most people today are way to self centered to make "Friends" work in a band or otherwise. Its all about them, all the time.
Matter of fact that is probably why most marriages end in divorce as well.
I try to choose my friends amongst educated and open-minded people.
For the most part, musicians are vain, self centered schmucks.
Almost none of my friends come from musician backgrounds.
My bandmates are buddies as long as I play with them but that's about it.
For the most part, musicians are vain, self centered schmucks.
Almost none of my friends come from musician backgrounds.
My bandmates are buddies as long as I play with them but that's about it.
Two bands I'm in: 1 mainly originals and 1 covers / bar gig-oriented. Love both bands for different reasons on the musical end of things. On the personal end of things, I consider all members of both bands close personal friends. For me I guess the bands are both my social and musical outlets at the same time. Life is good!
Can't stand them. Won't even let them know where I live.
