Interactions with your bandmates... Friends? Or just Work?

[No Malarky]

I count myself among the fortunate. My band mates are 30+ years friends. We also share similar interests besides our music. We hunt, fish, and hang out. We also go our own way with our families.

We sometimes play with other people, but our little "combo" is home.

 

[NightW0lf]

Depends on which band member. I'm very close to one of our 2 singers, and good friend with the lead guitar. I enjoy hanging out on occasion with the other 3 (other singer, drummer and rhythm/keys guy) but we're not that close. We share a common interest and get along well. I'm fine with that. Too old to go out to party anyway

 

[dalkowski]

Arm's length, minimal socializing. As has been noted, middle age has much to do with it. We are friends, but three very different guys in pretty much every respect, from diet to musical pedigrees. We find common ground when we play and when it's good, it's very, very good.

 

[DanBass]

Do you try to initiate it? Have you tried to make it happen?

Also, the more members with families/kids are involved, with kids' activities and the like, it gets very hard to also socialize with the band. Sometimes the rest of the family also considers band practice/gigs our "chance" to socialize and more than that becomes "too much" band time to the family. Like most things, band socialization is much easier to do when you're younger and have fewer commitments.

Definitely harder as we are older and commitments are varied, outside of the band.. The band is an outlet from those things, so to add to it by socializing is tough.. I understand that, makes a world of sense..

I've initiated numerous times, but after a while you give up... But it is all good. (sniffing armpits..) LOL

 

[Liam Wald]

If I am "in a band" it is important for me to work with people that I like and enjoy spending time with. It just makes for better communication and a more pleasant situation in general. If a band is successful you will end up spending quite a lot of time together.
I believe that the perfect trifecta for being in a band is 1) Playing music I really like 2) Playing with very good quality musicians 3) Playing with people that I like to hang out with.
As far as pick-up gigs and casuals, I am okay with approaching that situation more like a job. I play lots of those kind of gigs with people I don't care much for. I collect my money, say thanks, good-bye, and please call me next time... and that is that.

 

[spanndrew]

My band is a three piece. They are my two closest friends and that wasn't the case before the band started. We are in constant communication and mostly just send each other dumb stuff to laugh at as the day goes on. We practice very seriously, but the band of brothers aspect is definitely there.

I was in an all business band before and it just wasn't the same.

 

[spaz21387]

My originals band are all friends we go hang out alot. My cover band is all business. I have been going to gc with the drummer but that could be consitered business since we go look at gear...

 

[Mantis Tobaggan]

I think playing shows, hanging out before and after the shows, practice, recording, all of these things are fun social activities and I don't really feel a big need to hang out additionally though we do sometimes. I guess for me, music is a big part of my social life so I am happy we get along doing band stuff. We spend enough time together as it is.

 

[grinx]

we practice The Hang when we have musical reasons to get together. BL and I are 14+ yr best friends. Never hang with the drummer socially. I'd hang with the other guy if we weren't in a band together but we always seem to find a reason to fit playing into whatever social activity we do outside of 'band performance'. I would hate to be in a pure-business band.

 

[Gougedeye]

Personally, I like being friends with the people I play with. I think it makes us a better band. I've been in both and the "just work" scenario is just so impersonal. Music to me is a spiritual experience and seems better when each of us have some personal investment in each other. The whole, "Morning Ralph. Morning Frank" thing as we pass by each other is not for me.

 

[Joedog]

No way to generalize. It's totally situational......it's life. Sure it's great to play with good friends, but a great band can come together for the music and have separate lives too.

 

[MDBass]

Back in the day, when I was in a band, we were all friends. We hung out, wives got to know each other.. It was more than a band, it was a social event, a circle of friends if you will.

That is what I was always used to. Band events, and non-band events, we all hung out. To me, it made the experience all the more fun.

My current band, I've been in for 8+ years. A few lineup changes, but myself and the guitarist have been the constants for those 8 years. All original, good stuff. But I have noticed that we all don't socialize. I mean we get along, but it seems to be business only. It's just strange to me. I am used to the friendships, the camaraderie. This outfit? Meh.

We practice, play shows, socialize well enough at those times, but when there is no show, no practice, there is NO interaction at all. I was on vacation for a week and then had a trade show to attend the following week.. The amount of interaction?? One text. "We practicing?" Straight-forward answers to said text and that was it. NO whazzup, general talk, nothing.

As I said earlier, it is just strange to me. Every band I was in prior, it was like "Band of Brothers".. This is not anywhere close.

Even though it's been 8 years and walking away is hard after so much invested.. the lack of "banter" if you will, takes a lot of the fun out of it for me. Makes you feel like a hired hand.

And since we are all original and make dreck - a hired hand?? Bwhahahaha

Just curious how others interact. I imagine every scenario is different.

Someone wiser than myself came up with the gig pyramid: music, money & hang.

3 of 3 is a career gig.

2 of 3 is a good gig.

1 of 3 is a waste of your time.

 

[Pork_Chop]

I'm in two bands where we are friends, hang out and socialize. I'm also a replacement for a few bands. Walk in, shake hands, play, shake hands, go home.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

I enjoy making music with people who enjoy making music. I'll schmooze when necessary, but I'm kind of a private person otherwise.

 

[HolmeBass]

When I was younger, yeah, sure, I'd hang with the guys a lot. Hell we even all moved in together. What a freakin' disaster.

Now everyone is too busy to hang out much at all. Families and such. I am ok with it. Sometimes I wish I had some more interactions with the guys in my oldest band, but there is so much going on. Plus, I play in a lot of bands now. For most of them it just has to be more business-like or I would never get home at all.

 

[FronTowardEnemy]

I feel when we musicians were younger and more carefree, we hung out and did things together more. Not so many responsibilities. High school bands are like that. Young adults are like that. Later on in life, not so much. Everyone just has their own life's agenda. Might not be the case for everyone, but it seems to be where I am with it.

Feel the same. As for my current gig we all see each other for rehearsals and gigs 2 to 4 times a month. That's more than I see most people other than at my 9 to 5.

Gigs are great and the wives all get along and hang out at the shows. Everyone is so busy with life.

 

[jjmuckluckjr]

DanBass,
Many relationships change over time. All of us, after a certain age, are more concentrated on family life. Your gig seems to have transitioned into more of a professional relationship. Take it for what it is, forcing them into a different. situation is like petting a cat backwards. You may like it but you'll be

 

[asands]

I prefer to be friends with the folks in my band but I will say I think we work better when we aren't so friendly with each other. Current gig is more of a social club and invites drama to the mix far more than is called for. When we stay off the Facebook messenger we all seem to get more done and expect more of the others to do the same. That being said, I'd love to find a better balance of both sides but that's a whole cake and eat it it too scenario lol

 

[asands]

I think playing shows, hanging out before and after the shows, practice, recording, all of these things are fun social activities and I don't really feel a big need to hang out additionally though we do sometimes. I guess for me, music is a big part of my social life so I am happy we get along doing band stuff. We spend enough time together as it is.

I liked your post for your username alone. Classic Frank!

 

[OldCityBassman]

More of an age thing I think. I am 51 and things change as you get older. Guys dont hang like we did when we were younger, more things that get our focus or attention. Try to initiate something if you feel like you guys should hang, maybe do a bbq at your house for the band and families. Wives pull more guys together than guys do if they like hanging with each other.