HA. Never was accused of that. Being a good listener is different than being the good guy. For me at least it means challenging people and making them really think about what they're saying, and not just nodding and agreeing and being "a nice guy." In fact my intransigence and argumentativeness used to really annoy my wife (she'll say it still does), but as she'll also say at least she doesn't have to worry about wounding me when she gets moody, and that used to drive her more crazy with the "good guys" she used to date. Plus, when she wins a debate (which is often) it's a real victory and not a hollow "Whatever you say, dear."
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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?
- Thread starter spade2you
- Start date
HA. Never was accused of that. Being a good listener is different than being the good guy. For me at least it means challenging people and making them really think about what they're saying, and not just nodding and agreeing and being "a nice guy." In fact my intransigence and argumentativeness used to really annoy my wife (she'll say it still does), but as she'll also say at least she doesn't have to worry about wounding me when she gets moody, and that used to drive her more crazy with the "good guys" she used to date. Plus, when she wins a debate (which is often) it's a real victory and not a hollow "Whatever you say, dear."
.......I feel that. But that sounds like more of a survival tactic than one of initiating contacts.
Out of curiosity, how did you two meet anyhow?
Hey man. What the hell are we doin??
When life gives you lemons....
EXTREME BARBIE JEEP RACING IS THE ANSWER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj-pWfHYzQo
Invalid Link Removed
Track down some of your old redneck friends (everyone should have at least a few), get some beers and let the carnage begin!
When life gives you lemons....
EXTREME BARBIE JEEP RACING IS THE ANSWER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj-pWfHYzQo
Invalid Link Removed
Track down some of your old redneck friends (everyone should have at least a few), get some beers and let the carnage begin!
Something about confidence.
Confident people are not the ones who are liked by everyone because they are tall or slim and fit the current ideal of handsomeness or beauty, though they might.
They are the ones who mostly don't care what other people think because they understand deep down that they can only be themselves, and have come to know more about who that person is instead of worrying they don't fit some ideal.
If you are short like me, but have a complex about it, then you will blame other people's reactions on your height, when in fact they are really reacting to your own judgment of yourself. A short confident man will never be called a Napolean, because people won't think of their height as a defining feature of them. A short man who feels shortchanged by destiny and that tall men get all the respect and women, will betray this insecurity by his actions and demeanor, and he will inevitably be betrayed by his own insecurity. Even though there is a great amount of truth that height naturally commands respect, this respect will only last as long it takes people to get to know him if he has no leadership qualities or the ability to keep that respect by his own abilities and actions.
Is anything sadder than a beautiful woman who destroys her looks in the incessant quest to be more beautiful because she feels herself ugly?
Is there anything more heartening than a woman who you might not look at twice who somehow becomes more attractive every time you meet her, because her personality is so nicely developed, and because she is so refreshingly confident and comfortable in her own skin?
Racism is real, so is judging by appearances and the desire for meeting people that are powerful or rich or beautiful, or plain popular. But those that deal best what nature has dealt them are the ones that are lucky enough to deep down not give a flying f**k what others think, and who are able to best develop their own talents and follow their own path.
Remember, you just need to meet that one person who loves you for who you are. It might never happen, it might not last, you might get betrayed or have your heart broken.
But if you don't know who you are, or are living a lie, or hate yourself, or assume no one likes you because you are fat skinny tall short black white etc etc etc, I can guarantee you never have a real friend or a real love, and you will always be wondering what you did wrong and why the other person has more luck/love/popularity or whatever than you.
So make your choice if you can, unless by chance you are unable to because the pain if your upbringing or past experience is so great that you are unable to do so alone. In this case getting help is nothing to be ashamed of. There are many people who have the ability to help you see that everyone is in the same boat- they are born a certain way and dealt a certain hand of cards, but are ultimately responsible for how they play them and how they accept the wins and losses that result.
As long as you are alive this will be true, and all life is change. The most we can do is accept ourselves, and then we can accept others. That alone will bring you infinitely more happiness than an extra few inches or thousands of dollars or whatever you feel you lack to be where you want.
That's all I know, and I wish I could always be that person described above myself, but for now I'm grateful for realizing it at least sometimes, and having this clarity to guide my actions on an unconscious level most of the time.
There are a lot of things I miss about being young, but the confusion and longing to be someone else or to have what they do are not any of them.
Confident people are not the ones who are liked by everyone because they are tall or slim and fit the current ideal of handsomeness or beauty, though they might.
They are the ones who mostly don't care what other people think because they understand deep down that they can only be themselves, and have come to know more about who that person is instead of worrying they don't fit some ideal.
If you are short like me, but have a complex about it, then you will blame other people's reactions on your height, when in fact they are really reacting to your own judgment of yourself. A short confident man will never be called a Napolean, because people won't think of their height as a defining feature of them. A short man who feels shortchanged by destiny and that tall men get all the respect and women, will betray this insecurity by his actions and demeanor, and he will inevitably be betrayed by his own insecurity. Even though there is a great amount of truth that height naturally commands respect, this respect will only last as long it takes people to get to know him if he has no leadership qualities or the ability to keep that respect by his own abilities and actions.
Is anything sadder than a beautiful woman who destroys her looks in the incessant quest to be more beautiful because she feels herself ugly?
Is there anything more heartening than a woman who you might not look at twice who somehow becomes more attractive every time you meet her, because her personality is so nicely developed, and because she is so refreshingly confident and comfortable in her own skin?
Racism is real, so is judging by appearances and the desire for meeting people that are powerful or rich or beautiful, or plain popular. But those that deal best what nature has dealt them are the ones that are lucky enough to deep down not give a flying f**k what others think, and who are able to best develop their own talents and follow their own path.
Remember, you just need to meet that one person who loves you for who you are. It might never happen, it might not last, you might get betrayed or have your heart broken.
But if you don't know who you are, or are living a lie, or hate yourself, or assume no one likes you because you are fat skinny tall short black white etc etc etc, I can guarantee you never have a real friend or a real love, and you will always be wondering what you did wrong and why the other person has more luck/love/popularity or whatever than you.
So make your choice if you can, unless by chance you are unable to because the pain if your upbringing or past experience is so great that you are unable to do so alone. In this case getting help is nothing to be ashamed of. There are many people who have the ability to help you see that everyone is in the same boat- they are born a certain way and dealt a certain hand of cards, but are ultimately responsible for how they play them and how they accept the wins and losses that result.
As long as you are alive this will be true, and all life is change. The most we can do is accept ourselves, and then we can accept others. That alone will bring you infinitely more happiness than an extra few inches or thousands of dollars or whatever you feel you lack to be where you want.
That's all I know, and I wish I could always be that person described above myself, but for now I'm grateful for realizing it at least sometimes, and having this clarity to guide my actions on an unconscious level most of the time.
There are a lot of things I miss about being young, but the confusion and longing to be someone else or to have what they do are not any of them.
I have seen exceptionally tall people suffer issues too, just different ones. They feel like a freak show and less than human. All day long they hear the same things and it just gets old.
I had a college friend who was 7' in shoes. Yes he played basketball, a question he had to answer no less than 20 times a day. Also, "how tall are you?" Then, How tall are your parents? What did they feed you anyway?! What size shoes do you wear? Hey how's the weather ahahaha...
This is probably what a lot of attractive girls go through too, everyone talks to their appearance instead of the person inside.
The worst though was people would actually attack him physically for nothing other than being tall, I saw it happen several times and it always shook him up. There was a certain type of personality that just hated him for being tall and you see their eyes go glassy as they looked at him and started acting aggressive around him.
Those are different problems, but problems nonetheless and he felt just as alone on that side of the height scale as I am sure a lot of guys do on the other.
I had a college friend who was 7' in shoes. Yes he played basketball, a question he had to answer no less than 20 times a day. Also, "how tall are you?" Then, How tall are your parents? What did they feed you anyway?! What size shoes do you wear? Hey how's the weather ahahaha...
This is probably what a lot of attractive girls go through too, everyone talks to their appearance instead of the person inside.
The worst though was people would actually attack him physically for nothing other than being tall, I saw it happen several times and it always shook him up. There was a certain type of personality that just hated him for being tall and you see their eyes go glassy as they looked at him and started acting aggressive around him.
Those are different problems, but problems nonetheless and he felt just as alone on that side of the height scale as I am sure a lot of guys do on the other.
I wasn't directing that statement regarding the folly of seeking and taking advice from women specifically at you. I am open to the idea that you might be an outlier who is able to give acceptably useful advice, despite the horrible post you wrote regarding how to cold-open a girl at the mall.
However, the overwhelming majority of women have no idea what they *actually* want in a man, so asking them for advice (or taking it unsolicited) is a horrible idea. Just don't do it. Instead, a man who wants to learn how to play this game should seek information from men who are successful at attracting women, and more specifically the ones who aren't "naturals" and who learned how to do it.
I should clarify the statement that initiated the above response. In my experience, there are a small minority of women who can slip into what I call "boy-brain mode". My wife is one such woman. She has the ability to think very much like a man when she needs to, suppressing her natural emotional responses to things and instead engaging a cold, analytic rationality. She also reacts to physical threats with a combat mentality. It's very useful for certain things and I'm grateful for it, as I really couldn't function long-term with a "typical" woman. However, this tendency is a mixed blessing. Because she isn't wired to think that way full-time, she has a certain level if inner conflict when her "boy-brain" and her "girl-brain" collide. I was commenting on how difficult it must be for you, if you have similar wiring.
To the OP: I gave you solid advice that might have gotten buried in the mix. So Here it is again:
If you want your wife to find you attractive again, all she needs is to see that *other* women find you attractive. There are a lot of ways to make that happen without being unfaithful.
Tat2dHeart
Only two strings away from an attitude problem.
I wasn't directing that statement regarding the folly of seeking and taking advice from women specifically at you. I am open to the idea that you might be an outlier who is able to give acceptably useful advice, despite the horrible post you wrote regarding how to cold-open a girl at the mall.
However, the overwhelming majority of women have no idea what they *actually* want in a man, so asking them for advice (or taking it unsolicited) is a horrible idea. Just don't do it. Instead, a man who wants to learn how to play this game should seek information from men who are successful at attracting women, and more specifically the ones who aren't "naturals" and who learned how to do it.
I should clarify the statement that initiated the above response. In my experience, there are a small minority of women who can slip into what I call "boy-brain mode". My wife is one such woman. She has the ability to think very much like a man when she needs to, suppressing her natural emotional responses to things and instead engaging a cold, analytic rationality. She also reacts to physical threats with a combat mentality. It's very useful for certain things and I'm grateful for it, as I really couldn't function long-term with a "typical" woman. However, this tendency is a mixed blessing. Because she isn't wired to think that way full-time, she has a certain level if inner conflict when her "boy-brain" and her "girl-brain" collide. I was commenting on how difficult it must be for you, if you have similar wiring.
To the OP: I gave you solid advice that might have gotten buried in the mix. So Here it is again:
If you want your wife to find you attractive again, all she needs is to see that *other* women find you attractive. There are a lot of ways to make that happen without being unfaithful.
No harm, no foul. I didn't take your comments personally. After all, we're both anonymous sources on the internet.
And while that might have been a horrible post from your perspective, I've seen it work time and time again. 
To each his own, right?You are correct in the "girl-brain/boy-brain" thing though. Sometimes being able to think like one of the guys backfires and it's not a simple thing to resolve. I don't think I'd trade it, though. For the most part, it's an ability that's served me well.
Alvaro Martín Gómez A.
TalkBass' resident Bongo + cowbell player
Well, this is something I've always felt about myself throughout (almost) my whole life. I have a very high self-esteem regarding my qualities as a human being, but feel exactly the opposite about my "physical magnetism". And that's not my imagination. It's based on real experience, specially having a really good-looking brother. Add facts like not being so much talkative, not liking parties, no drinking, no dancing, and you have the "Loser Recipe" (regarding sex appeal, I mean). It was a cause of crisis when I was a teenager, but in my middle age I don't have any problems with that.
Actually, you don't have to be handsome to be a "chick magnet". Of course that's a plus, but as long as you have plenty of tongue (to talk, I mean) and can make a woman feel like she's the center of the universe, you can tell you have paved the way to cross the "friendship zone".
Actually, you don't have to be handsome to be a "chick magnet". Of course that's a plus, but as long as you have plenty of tongue (to talk, I mean) and can make a woman feel like she's the center of the universe, you can tell you have paved the way to cross the "friendship zone".
Alvaro Martín Gómez A.;13788120 said:
That's backwards. Women don't want guys who shower them with attention. It actually turns them off. They want guys who have a lot going for them and a lot of options sexually, so that when he does give them some attention, they feel special and desired. Basically they want to orbit a guy who is the center of his own universe, not be the center of one.
No harm, no foul. I didn't take your comments personally. After all, we're both anonymous sources on the internet.
Nah, it was bad advice.
One of the biggest challenges is dealing with men who are threatened and the resulting fallout. When a man is intelligent, strong willed, courageous, tenacious, etc., he is rewarded for it. Switch the genders and she's a cold-hearted, ambitious bitch.
It's official. Sgt. Rock is really Mystery.
[Invalid or Expired Link Removed]
I don't know who that is but he should use a shotgun to style his hair.
I literally LOLed. I'm going to archive that one away in the ol' brain for the right moment to say that in conversation.
That dude makes a living preaching exactly what you just said to insecure college kids.
That dude makes a living preaching exactly what you just said to insecure college kids.
He probably rakes it in too. Ridiculous.
I guess this is what happens when an entire generation of boys grows up playing video games in Mom's basement instead of chasing tail. Some fashion school reject with shower curtain rings in his ears and eyeliner comes along and soaks them for information that is readily available elsewhere and free.
on the flipside, when your culture flips the middle finger to you, where would you want to go, back to receive the same treatment?
No, the glow of a television or computer screen is a much more comforting interface than someone with a hostile attitude.
It's guys like Mystery that recognize that he's only a few notches from being on the same grade as these people who don't want to embrace real life, who turn to other things other than a person's face because they don't feel like receiving the pecking order on a daily basis.
I read a bit of David DeAngelo/Carlos Xuma; the whole message to these kids is "if you want to be accepted, evolve, fake it til you make it, and never take no for an answer, instead find a way to confuse the desired answer from your subject". The "alpha" mindset disgusts me, but hey, it works I guess.
Yeah, we can't just expect these special little snowflakes to sack up and deal with the fact that the big bad world isn't the inclusive, bully-free, non-judgmental safe space they were promised by the Great Unicorn of Tolerance now, can we?
Yeah, we can't just expect these special little snowflakes to sack up and deal with the fact that the big bad world isn't the inclusive, bully-free, non-judgmental safe space they were promised by the Great Unicorn of Tolerance now, can we?
I never said it was smart; I said it was a natural response.
If you touch a glowing hot stove and burn yourself, are you going to A: scream "****!!!! THAT HURTS!!!!!" or are you going to B: touch it again?
Of course then again, maybe you're from column B.
See, what you fail to observe in this whole "OMG WE'RE ALL TEH ANIMALZ GET OVER IT, WE HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THE ANIMALZ!" is that the animals actually lay the rules out pretty ****in' clear. You either get in place, learn to provide, get some poon and move forth, or you're judged as "sick" and separated to find your own way or die.
Humanity? We're an all inclusive party. We're all about "everyone's gotta live, everyone's gotta be happy" because we assert that everyone has a purpose; so long as you have your purpose fulfilled and you satisfy the demands put upon you, you aren't put into exile. But that doesn't mean you'll get poon or move forth, you might live in a glorified caste system, dissatisfied and shoved off with "oh one day things will come together for you" or "shut up and deal" as your two great answers.
So for those that don't manage, they're given two choices; contribute silently, or go nuts.
Sorry you don't get it.
