Or who think their own experiences might be helpful to someone. It's easy to screw with people if you are sensitive to them and have some psychological insight; it's a poor use of these skills, though, and is a cruel way to get one's kicks.
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Is it wrong to think you're unattractive?
- Thread starter spade2you
- Start date
Or who think their own experiences might be helpful to someone. It's easy to screw with people if you are sensitive to them and have some psychological insight; it's a poor use of these skills, though, and is a cruel way to get one's kicks.
The three " insights" arrive at statements like these:
1. "You need many many years of ****ing therapy".
2. "You need more friends".
3. "You should really go out and ask someone out".
That's not sharing experiences, that's making declarative statements.
Oh but wait! BONUS ROUND!
Would it have helped if they said 'maybe' before everything?
Instead of attacking the people who are trying to help, ignore them or take what you can and what might help you from them. What possible good can come from arguing with people in a thread like this, other than satisfying your need to have contact with people and to arouse their emotions towards you, good or bad?
If you want to live alone and die alone it is your choice like anyone else's. But it doesn't seem that way from your conflicting posts. I personally don't give a s**t what happens to you, I've never met you and you are only a construct in my mind based on what I can glean from your posts. But I would put money on the fact that you post in threads like this to get the attention you don't get in your real life, because you can open up enough to attract some compassion and some people who try to help, then can slam the door in their faces. Hurt others before they hurt you.
I someone complains of back pains most people will recommend a doctor or a masseur or whatever. If someone come here describing chronic problems with self image, making and keeping friends, or whatever, it isn't uncommon to suggest professional help. You can take it or leave it, but what's the big deal and stigma with needing help? No one is telling you to be 'normal' or not to be yourself, they just sense, like me, that you want some change in your life.
Most people have realized that having real friends, or even just one, makes them happier, and that feeling good about someone else in your life is a refreshing change from being alone with your own self and problems 24/7, so naturally they recommend it to people who seem to be alone and not happy with it. Is that such a surprise to you? Is it worth attacking them over wanting you to have the same happiness they know?
Many people have also realized they don't make friends or develop relationships, romantic, sexual, or otherwise, because they don't value themselves highly enough to consider themselves attractive in any way to others. Is it such a crime to suggest strategies for getting out there and breaking the stalemate, opening up to others, trying to find another person who values what and who you are, because it worked for them? Much easier to attack them for not reading your mind correctly, or maybe you just want to be ignored or argued with? hard to tell because you don't know what you really want yourself yet or who you really are.
Now yu can go ahead and attack every point I've made or argue every idea, but who are you really arguing with? Not yourself, perhaps?
Anyway, good luck with what ails you, hope you are happy and fulfilled, and I mean that honestly.
BTW, normally the bonus round goes to the correct answer. So it seems correctly attributed here. Argue away...
Surprising as it may be, I like to pretend I live in a world where doctors aren't a panacea to problems. As far as relating, you're right, I probably attract some attention but I've put myself out there for the new friends market. And dating is not much more than a game tho most ppl here seem to think its an effortless reality. I'll be frank, I've never seen it. It may be offensive but after playing good guy to get served cat ****, my compassion for most others is gone.
Doctors can diagnose real problems and cure them. Good Doctors understand the mind and body are one and treat the whole patient or enlist help from those that can in a particular person or case. Great Doctors know when they can do nothing, and that the way a patient feels towards the treatment is as important as the treatment in itself, and that most problems are healed without intervention from the outside, by the person themselves.
I doubt anyone here has had an easy time dating, making friends, or whatever, know matter how easy they make it sound or how much they simplify their experiences. Don't blame them for trying to muddle through. The most popular people on the planet have the same screwed up love lives and friendship tensions and difficulties as anyone else. Understanding this makes it easier to relate to other people, or at least it did for me.
So you were nice to people and they screwed you. Welcome to earth. I don't know how old you are, but giving up and pushing everyone away is not the only way to deal with it. All you need is one person in your life who you love as much as you love yourself whether it's a friend or a lover, partner or family member, and you will probably have an healthier physical and emotional life, and maybe be in a postion to actually make someone else's life better, which is quite a satisfying thing to be able to do as a member of the human race. We are all different, but most of us are naturally compassionate and caring if we haven't killed that part of ourselves off, or had it strangled by so many bad experiences or never developed it because of their upbringing, etc.
BTW, you think your compassion is gone but I guarantee it lives somewhere in a little room that you have locked it away in. I hope you remember where that room is and can find the key again in your lifetime.
I just reread this and it struck me that 'playing good guy' is not the same as caring about others and acting towards them in a compassionate or caring way. And doing it for what it gets you in return is pointless, things just don't work that way. Do it because that's the person you are or want to be.
Wow....I got confused. Had to go look back at the original OP who's name is Spade4You, not Scorpionldr.
Spade4You, looks like your thread got hijacked. Are you still out there?
Spade4You, looks like your thread got hijacked. Are you still out there?
Tat2dHeart
Only two strings away from an attitude problem.
Disclaimer: I read the beginning of this thread, but i did not read all 14 pages. However, I do have a plethora of advice that is probably el guapo! Dude, i have a very similar story as yours, even where the wife is concerned.
I think a lot of it comes down to a few key things that women look for. It is, in many senses, still about competition - the game of survival. How competitive are you in the game of life? Will a woman see you as a good provider? A good protector? Are you a good communicator? Are you masculine - having good relationships with other men and being one of the boys? Different things matter to different women of course, but some of the above is probably important to most ladies. It's not that you have to be the alpha-male, but it probably helps to be somewhere on the ladder.
My sense is that women often like men who are good leaders. If you are physically short, slim-built, and if your personality is not outgoing, then I can see having difficulty with relationships. I say this as someone who fits into this category, so it's not a knock on ya. As one dude to another, you don't look unattractive. You do have a young looking face. I have one too and sometimes I'm not sure if it hinders credibility. Given that I have always been a poor communicator, my boyish appearance doesn't do much to help me out.
Some people don't like to hear it, but sometimes we're not that far evolved above the other animals.
I think a lot of it comes down to a few key things that women look for. It is, in many senses, still about competition - the game of survival. How competitive are you in the game of life? Will a woman see you as a good provider? A good protector? Are you a good communicator? Are you masculine - having good relationships with other men and being one of the boys? Different things matter to different women of course, but some of the above is probably important to most ladies. It's not that you have to be the alpha-male, but it probably helps to be somewhere on the ladder.
My sense is that women often like men who are good leaders. If you are physically short, slim-built, and if your personality is not outgoing, then I can see having difficulty with relationships. I say this as someone who fits into this category, so it's not a knock on ya. As one dude to another, you don't look unattractive. You do have a young looking face. I have one too and sometimes I'm not sure if it hinders credibility. Given that I have always been a poor communicator, my boyish appearance doesn't do much to help me out.
Some people don't like to hear it, but sometimes we're not that far evolved above the other animals.
Well hello...nothing surprising about that. When it comes to picking a mate our primal instincts still kick in strong. Just like the females bitches in a wolf pack don't want a weak wimpy mate the same pretty much goes for human species.
Edit: In the animal world is is not always the best looking one that wins. It's the one that is confident, can provide and protect it's mate and offspring.
Look at modern families. Then look at packs of animals. I know which look more secure just by default.
