Here we go again, asking marital advice on a bass forum. Too many people on here who "won't pass judgement." You are in complete denial, " I didn't mean to do it." You must be kidding me, you took a freakin empty case with you and the only possible intent was to lie to your soon to be ex-wife.
Plus 1minus the ex-wife part.
There a million different ways people run their relationships and if it works for them, it's ok with me. Even though I for the most part wouldn't want a relationship like theirs.
So if Bob's marriage works happily like that, Bob is not bad.
He just slyly sneaked around saying "I want a mini P bass so bad." And standing for it.
I was married twice and found it useful to run a Three-bank-account model.
Any money coming in from jobs goes to bank account 1. This is where all the normal living bills are payed from (rent/mortage, car(s), insurance, food, furniture etc.).
Then there's an agreed-upon sum that goes to bank accounts 2 (hers) and 3 (mine).
This agreed upon sum in my case was
Total income
- total cost of living
÷ 2, so each got the same.
We also agreed on having our own rooms.
So whatever one liked to buy for him or herself was a personal decision not to be questioned as long as it fitted in that personal budget and room.
My wife pointed out, this was a solution to my disadvantage, since I had more money-consuming hobbies than she had.
I said: "Well then, go and work more hours so more money is coming in."
Which she did.
I wanted it that way, because my parent's marriage suffered (amongst other things) from my dad spending a lot of money (some he didn't have) on "his stuff" and my mum was implicitely expected to make up for this by running the house at minimum cost.
Anyway, I am divorced now for other reasons but wouldn't want a relationship with "secrets" like that.
Basically I do not want to keep anything worth mentioning secret from my partner.
But that's just me.
On the other hand, my wife was absolutely tolerant if not ignorant to my gear acquistions.
For example she marveled at the black 12string Ric 330 I brought from a US business trip:
"It's sooooooooo stylish and beautyful".
She also liked the sound.
Not that she was that much into music, at least not all music.
I had a hardrock day one November sunday going from Jeff Beck Group to Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin etc.
After some hours she came to my room because of something else and on leaving asked: "Say, not that I mind but is there any specific reason why do you listen to the same record all day?"
I loved that women, in a way I still do.
Final remark: I guess Bob's wife knows about his secrets.
She just doesn't mention them unless she feels it is necessary.
Bob obviously knows all the details and at age 61 he would be perfectly fit to make his own judgement. It was a funny read so thank Bob from me will ya?
