Is my friend a bad person?

[mcnach]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

I wouldn't judge. His marriage dynamics are his thing and not mine.
I don't understand 'hiding' things like that. I understand feeling a bit 'guilty' about buying stuff at times (even if I spend *my* money that's earmarked for 'toys etc', I sometimes feel like I could use it better), but if anything I just bore my girlfriend to death with how cool this new bass or this new FX box or whatever is... so in the end she just tells me to buy it and let her watch TV (it's not exactly like that but...)

However, different people have different ways of doing things. If 'Bob' has a stash of money for this sort of thing, doesn't take away from their shared stuff etc... why not? I would not lie about it, but I don't know what else is going on in his house.

In short: no kittens were harmed and only he knows how his marriage operates and how he wants it to operate. None of my business. It's not the way I'd like to do things, but that's just me, and I don't feel inclined to judge when I don't know anything about them.

 

[Peltor]

Seriously?
I've been with my partner for 16 years now, and we've been registered partners for 12 of those. The practical difference between that and married is in the paperwork.
Trust and honesty (no matter how painful) is why our relationship works so well. That's a lesson we'd each learned from previous ones.

You and your wife does not laugh that much, right?

 

[two fingers]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

Um..... first off, your friend is a liar.

He didn't just lie to his wife. He lied to you when he said he "didn't intend to deceive anyone". That's pure BS. He took the empty case to the store. That's intent. So he DID "intend to deceive".

I have no use for a liar.

 

[Sid Fang]

I have no use for a liar.

Then you have no use for humanity.

 

[Paul Corrosion]

If you haven't had to "gently mislead" your other half over the purchase of a bass at some point, you're missing out on an integral part of being a bassist. Those little white lies are like a bass line. Find the root and stick to it but be prepared to improvise when they start cottoning on. ;-)

 

[two fingers]

Then you have no use for humanity.

I don't have to deal with "humanity". I have to deal with individuals. If I know, or strongly suspect, you are a liar, then you are an individual for whom I have no use.

 

[nilorius]

He is not a bad person, he is just scared from his wife and that is a little bit pathetic.

 

[Peltor]

I don't have to deal with "humanity". I have to deal with individuals. If I know, or strongly suspect, you are a liar, then you are an individual for whom I have no use.

And when you and your wife (?) get up at 6 in the morning and she ask you how she look you answer what?

 

[Peltor]

He is not a bad person, he is just scared from his wife and that is a little bit pathetic.

OK, popcorn time! When the guy from Holland read this we are in for an anthropological treat!

 

[two fingers]

And when you and your wife (?) get up at 6 in the morning and she ask you how she look you answer what?

She doesn't play games like that. So I'm afraid I have no context to answer your question.

We both have long hair these days. So we get a good laugh at each other's mops first thing.

She loves taking me shopping because I'm honest with her about clothes that accentuate her beauty. So, I have, in fact, answered "Yes" to "Do these jeans make me look fat?". But answering those kinds of questions honestly is why she brought me in the first place.

 

[miles'tone]

The inevitable outcome.

 

[Stranger Danger]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

Bob is really Mak O'Man!!

 

[MakoMan]

Wow! I went to bed and this thread took on a life of it's own overnight
I really appreciate all the comments... many of which made me laugh out loud. I also appreciate the comments from those who think I'm an idiot or heel. The truth is I was feeling guilty about buying another bass - even a cheap one - under the circumstances, but mostly I did it as a lark. My wife and I have a great relationship and when I tell her the whole story and show her this thread we will have a good laugh over it.
But for those who believe in karma, it caught up with me this morning when I got up early, put in some headphones and started playing my new little Squier Mini P only to discover it had a major issue, which can be clearly seen in the photo below. I've already texted the store owner and will be getting a full refund today. He will order in a replacement and call me when it arrives. I'll be fully upfront with my beloved wife this time

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

Me and the wife go with "mutually assured financial
destruction" doctrine

me: want bass
wife: get it
me: then you get horse stuff?
wife: fair is fair
me: spiral into financial ruin, together?
wife: your choice
me: guess i can live with what i have

 

[Danny E]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

Im not saying he was wrong in doing that, but that was a pretty good plan

 

[yodedude2]

Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone...

ha ha ha ha ha! bob sounds like the kind of guy that will smile in your face while he stabs you in the back.

obtw, where's the poll?

 

[lfmn16]

So my friend - I'll call him Bob - told his wife yesterday that he had to take one of his basses down to the shop to have some work done on it. Then he took an empty bass case, kissed her goodbye, loaded the case into his car's trunk and headed to the store.
At the store Bob tried out a bass he was interested in and discovered he really liked it. Bob had cash on him that he had taken from a hidden spot in his garage where he puts money from gigs and stuff he sells, so he paid for the bass, asked the store to set it up etc and told them he would pick it up the next day. Then he went home and just left the empty case in his trunk.
The next day Bob went back to the store to pick up his new bass, put it in the case, went home and told his wife he was going to go to his music room to test out the repaired bass. After a little test - just a few hours - the new bass just slipped into the collection with his other dozen or so basses.
Bob says he really didn't intend to deceive anyone... it just happened. Is this normal behavior, or is my friend a bad person?

Bob is a wussy and needs to grow a pair.

 

[Pazelaya93]

Unfortunately Bob is unable to take pictures at this exact moment. He says he'll shoot some tomorrow morning before my wife gets up.

You done gave yaself away lololol

 

[citizenchris099]

I dont know if you're a bad person.
Certainly not based on this anecdote.

 

[pie_man_25]

Well, since you asked...lying to his wife so he can have more toys says something sad about the relationship with his wife, the priorities in his life, and his maturity. This is something that gets joked about a lot in music fora, but if this is real, the level of dishonesty on display here isnt funny. Is a bass really more important than having the trust of his spouse? If so, he should have stayed in 8th grade and wished for weekend hookups. Marriage is for grownups.

This. Honestly I had a pretty big allegory about my car tires that I tried to tie into OP's story. But tbh it boils down to - if you feel the need to lie about something this innocuous, then what else could be going on? Honestly I really don't think that's what's happening, but it's in your best interest to come clean about it, I mean a $200 bass is pretty inoccuous unless you're not doing well financially or it's the third bass this month - it's probably best to have that awkward conversation and potential argument so you can get to the part where in a week or two you're laughing it off.