Is there no greener grass?

[Indiana Mike]

Some days you look down the road and see greener grass. One day you pack up and go there, only to find painted dirt.

I think it applies to many things.

Sometimes its better. Sometimes it isn't.


Lifes a risk. Dare to fail.

I've found ones own attitude and perceptions have a lot to do with it. Its easy to blame a situation or people, only to find the problem was with yourself. I know I've been guilty of it a time or two. Things do sour and sometimes are irrevocably damaged. That leaves about one option which is change.

 

[db59]

People discuss the "greener grass" syndrome a lot when it comes to 9 - 5 day jobs; that you want to leave for something "better" yet all you hear from people you know is the same level of BS you experience at your current job. You want something else, but have found yourself jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
I wonder if the same is true for bands.
I'm starting to feel like my current project has reached terminal velocity, and I think the other members are thinking the same thing. That has lead to a lack of enthusiasm for it, which means less practice and fewer shows. After all, that costs money, and we aren't making any of it back.
So I started pondering the idea of looking for a second project, or replacement if things go totally sideways. Then I had a frightening\startling notion: what if there is no greener grass? What if this is as good as it gets? Out of all of the dozens of bands I've played with over the last few years, I could probably count the number I'd want to hear again on one hand.
To use an unpleasant metaphor, is it better to stay in an unhappy musical marriage rather than dive into a uncertain dating pool and run the risk of ending up alone?

 

[neo 7]

 

[neo 7]

 

[db59]

 

[mikewalker]

When the thrill is gone - you should follow. GO!

Life is too short to put yourself through that. Find a new band to play with - but DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. It sounds like you want to get out and play, so find a band that wants to PLAY. Start your own band, if you have to. Heck, if you do a little research in your local area, you might even find there is a certain population out there who even PAY musicians for certain sorts of musical entertainment. So if you do not mind giving the people what they want, then you could have your musical fun and get paid, too!

 

[tradernick]

To use an unpleasant metaphor, is it better to stay in an unhappy musical marriage rather than dive into a uncertain dating pool and run the risk of ending up alone?

No.

Making a change is always a bit daunting but there is a situation out there that will give you more joy than you're getting now. If you're playing mostly for enjoyment, make the change.

 

[Drgonzonm]

I don't like the marriage analogy for bands. I can only speak for myself. But I got married with the full knowledge that I committing to making it work for the rest of my life. There was no "let's just see where this project takes us", or "Once this is no longer fun, we're calling it quits", or "I'll just ride along until I graduate college or get a different job, and move away."

Bands are not a marriage. For me, when the music is no longer fun, it's time to move on. New band, project, focus, or whatever. Doesn't matter. When it's time for a new project, it's time for a new project.

(un)civil unions?

 

[fhm555]

don’t fret over the longevity of a band and don’t be afraid to walk when you feel it’s run it’s course. When i’m in to it i look forward to getting together for rehearsal and practicing a set list in between, and get excited when a job goes on the books. Experience has taught me the first time i find a reason to skip rehearsal it’s time to start looking for something else. I always keep all interested parties up to speed and do my best to cover any jobs I agreed to, but i make it clear i’m looking and they should be as well.

 

[hsech]

 

[jnuts1]

the grass may or may not be greener but time says you can get better and move on to better projects if you pursue it. I have always had luck moving up each project I have been a part over the years.

 

[pudgychef]

But I'll say it again, if a band has gigs, the grass is green right under your feet! Unless you have toxic personalities.

reminds me of that Richard Bona interview where he shares a proverb from his home land - to paraphrase - 'Don't be the man dying of thirst, while standing ankle deep in water.'

 

[BurnOut]

I'm in a similar situation, I'm having fun with the band, but not much seems to happen.
I'm dying to explore things on the harder side of rock, especially since I've been taking vocal lessons. I've learned a lot, and found out I can sing and play fairly well, and continue to get better.
There's just some stuff I know I'll never get to cover in the band I'm in. Nothing crazy out there, just harder.
I'm not leaving my current band, but definitely wanna spread my wings some.

 

[pudgychef]

We all tend to write our songs on our own before presenting them. The difficulty is if we are only getting together to play once a month the time to work on new material when we get together is short.
I practice occasionally on my own. I find it a little boring. Playing with other people is so much more rewarding. Playing in front of an audience is the real rush.

There will always be boring and challenging aspects of any pursuit.. no pain no gain...if your art is worth it (or craft if you prefer...art sounds so self-important) you put in the time alone...got to be willing to do things you might not want to in order to grow...

another thing to consider trying...covers...
If you won't play covers, you are cutting off a huge number of potential co-writers, bandmates etc...just because they play covers, doesn't mean they don't/can't create and write original music...lots of musicians are happy to do both (heck the Beatles were a cover band). The most productive original music bands I have been in paid the bills for studio and rehearsal time by playing cover gigs as well - and all that time on stage together made us a more cohesive unit when creating our own music...now we never got bigger than 10,000ppl in a crowd, but that was pretty darn good for a bunch of cover song playing guys with full-time day jobs.

 

[Stumbo]

If it was up to me, we'd be hammering stuff out every day after work in a lock out.

There it is.

Like Mr. Rodgers use to say: One thing is different from the others. Which one is it?

They have non-music lives.

You don't mind being isolated from others or accountable to anyone for your time.

Which is fine for you.

They have already told you their desired level of commitment.

Ever thought they may need a break from the intense bass player?

Maybe start writing your own stuff in your own home studio? Then you can practice as much as you like and not have to depend on anybody or demand such high-level commitments from anyone.

Good luck!

 

[Hand slap]

People discuss the "greener grass" syndrome a lot when it comes to 9 - 5 day jobs; that you want to leave for something "better" yet all you hear from people you know is the same level of BS you experience at your current job. You want something else, but have found yourself jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
I wonder if the same is true for bands.
I'm starting to feel like my current project has reached terminal velocity, and I think the other members are thinking the same thing. That has lead to a lack of enthusiasm for it, which means less practice and fewer shows. After all, that costs money, and we aren't making any of it back.
So I started pondering the idea of looking for a second project, or replacement if things go totally sideways. Then I had a frightening\startling notion: what if there is no greener grass? What if this is as good as it gets? Out of all of the dozens of bands I've played with over the last few years, I could probably count the number I'd want to hear again on one hand.
To use an unpleasant metaphor, is it better to stay in an unhappy musical marriage rather than dive into a uncertain dating pool and run the risk of ending up alone?

That a possibility, the older I get, the fewer options I feel I have, with finding quality musicians, much less a “group” of them? No one can see the future, this uncertainty is a part of life.

 

[brianrost]

what if there is no greener grass? What if this is as good as it gets?

There are some bands I miss but there was no way they were going to stay togther due to lack of gigs. The ones that broke up due to "issues" I don't miss at all. Whether my current bands are better or not, I'm still having fun so who cares.

It would be a problem if I lived somewhere where gigging opportunities were rare, but I chose to live near Boston largely becuase of the vibrant music scene. It's had it's up and downs but the phone still rings with gig offers. So far so good after 37 years here.

 

[Jay Corwin]

Boy are there some pessimists chirping up around here.....

Sure the grass can be greener, providing you make the right move and are realistic about expectations. If your expectations are high, then your ambition and work ethic better be even higher. And you better be working with people who share the same drive. Otherwise, you'll just be that guy complaining about the scene.

A lot of musicians are too lazy to put themselves in position for greener grass, especially at the local level. The older you get, the more you realize that guys who are willing to grind usually get to the greener pastures. It's rare that anything great is going to fall in your lap if you aren't working your tail off chasing it.

So you want to find a better situation? Get better on your instrument, and find a group of players who share the same goals as you.

There's nothing dumber than listening to guys who play the same 3 bar circuit every month complaining about how they aren't going anywhere.

 

[PJsaure]

Maybe it really is as good as it gets.

It may sound a bit negative or pessimistic, but it is actually the opposite: don't expect things to be this way or that way in a distant future. It is all about the journey, not the destination, right ?
Do you really want to deprive yourself from a long enjoyable journey just because the destination sucks? If it does suck, plan your next travel then. And who knows, maybe the destination won't suck and you will want to spend the rest of your life there. Maybe it will all just be another rich learning experience. Maybe you will never reach a destination, maybe the journey will be so awesome you will make it last forever.

I don't know if this makes any sense and I certainly don't have the strength to always apply all of this myself. But I feel this is the best way to approach this kind of things.

So enjoy the journey, and do whatever you can to make the best out of it. Including finding another band if necessary. Maybe you will reach that frustrating moment again, maybe not. In any case, just enjoy the journey and make it the best for everyone.

The head and tail winds analogy is really good too.

 

[James Collins]

...
There's nothing dumber than listening to guys who play the same 3 bar circuit every month complaining about how they aren't going anywhere.

Oh yeah?