I've given my notice... now this...

[jdh3000]

After 5 years I'm leaving the band for personal reasons. It's family matters and they come first.

I've given ample notice since gigs are pending, but the BL is still upset with me.
I understand his frustration, but i didn't just quit. I've even made my replacement up a songlist with song title/artist names, which is more than he'll get from the BL.
I even offered to help my replacement, if he wants it, with some of the arrangements.

The bands been good to me and I wouldn't want to leave on bad terms, but this is the part I hate... waiting out those last gigs knowing how the BL feels, instead of being thankful I didn't leave him in a lurch.

I really don't know what else I could do. It is what it is.

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

I really need to go now but I'll stick it out until the date I gave them.

 

[joelns]

Is your replacement ready? That's really the question. Once the answer to that is yes (or you hit the date you provided), you have no reason to feel guilty for leaving. You've done what you could to ensure everything continues without interruption.

I went through something similar a few decades ago. No hard feelings on either side.

 

[arbiterusa]

Well, the band leader is an ingrate at best. You might want to keep that in mind should you ever decide to get back in the game.

I’ve never regretted quitting anything.

 

[Shalto]

I've not been in that specific situation but it is very hard being "checked out" of a situation already and having to go on for a bit. Probably hard on both parties.

From your description i don't think you've done anything wrong. You gave notice. It's not like you signed a contract in blood to stay forever. People move on when opportunity knocks, it happens.

 

[iTzPrime]

After 5 years I'm leaving the band for personal reasons. It's family matters and they come first.

I've given ample notice since gigs are pending, but the BL is still upset with me.
I understand his frustration, but i didn't just quit. I've even made my replacement up a songlist with song title/artist names, which is more than he'll get from the BL.
I even offered to help my replacement, if he wants it, with some of the arrangements.

The bands been good to me and I wouldn't want to leave on bad terms, but this is the part I hate... waiting out those last gigs knowing how the BL feels, instead of being thankful I didn't leave him in a lurch.

I really don't know what else I could do. It is what it is.

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

I really need to go now but I'll stick it out until the date I gave them.

He is just disappointed that is all. Talk with him and make him understand, and then leave.
Yes it might be hard, but it is the only way without making anyone feel resentful.

 

[hrodbert696]

Usually when I leave a project, it would be when there are no gigs booked or I would play any gigs I agreed to before quitting. But if you have serious family matters that prevent you being able to do that, family comes first.

I don't know what the BL's take is. Some people are just unreasonable, or it may be that the situation is creating problems at their end. It sounds like you're making an effort to do the right thing.

 

[musicman7722]

I was let go from a band a few years ago due to an altercation with the bands Sound Man. Anyway the BL let ne know it wasn't a good fit but asked me if I would play out upcoming gigs. I never burn a bridge and said of course. this is a bit reversed from the OP but I wanted to share it.

 

[two fingers]

Work with grownups next time.

You're doing the right thing. Take the high road every time. Who care what anyone else thinks about it? YOU'LL know you did the right thing. Play the ever loving crap out of those remaining shows right up until the last note. Smile and wish everyone the best moving forward. Congratulate the new guy. Move on. That's the best you can do.

 

[JRA]

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

i'm not sure that i've ever quit a band (i've been fired!), but i've definitely had that feeling of "where is the exit?!"

if you're beating yourself up and agonizing over the BL's reaction (after giving your notice) you may be looking for some version of 'control' --- 'insisting' on a specific outcome that requires that the BL behave the way you want/need. that isn't working for the BL (looking from his POV)...i doubt that it will work for you!

my advice: finish out your gigs according to your plan. leave. don't look back. let it go. good luck!

 

[cnltb]

It's the joining I have regretted a couple of times but never the leaving.
When I have left I have never been made to feel awkward or the way which the OP seems to be describing.

 

[smogg]

Anytime I've left a job I just leave. I don't look back. It's just business. I'm the same way with bands. If they want to burn the bridge then good riddance. You have taken the high road the rest is up to the BL.

 

[FirewalZ]

After 5 years I'm leaving the band for personal reasons. It's family matters and they come first.

I've given ample notice since gigs are pending, but the BL is still upset with me.
I understand his frustration, but i didn't just quit. I've even made my replacement up a songlist with song title/artist names, which is more than he'll get from the BL.
I even offered to help my replacement, if he wants it, with some of the arrangements.

The bands been good to me and I wouldn't want to leave on bad terms, but this is the part I hate... waiting out those last gigs knowing how the BL feels, instead of being thankful I didn't leave him in a lurch.

I really don't know what else I could do. It is what it is.

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

I really need to go now but I'll stick it out until the date I gave them.

Your already going above and beyond IMO...its always a great approach to leave on a high note, no burned bridges and on friendly terms. I would try to not get sucked into the emotional aspect of it, keep it professional and business like....im leaving at this date, ill spend whatever time is needed with the replacement so the band wont miss a beat....and leave it at that.

 

[Thundertips]

After 5 years I'm leaving the band for personal reasons. It's family matters and they come first.

I've given ample notice since gigs are pending, but the BL is still upset with me.
I understand his frustration, but i didn't just quit. I've even made my replacement up a songlist with song title/artist names, which is more than he'll get from the BL.
I even offered to help my replacement, if he wants it, with some of the arrangements.

The bands been good to me and I wouldn't want to leave on bad terms, but this is the part I hate... waiting out those last gigs knowing how the BL feels, instead of being thankful I didn't leave him in a lurch.

I really don't know what else I could do. It is what it is.

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

I really need to go now but I'll stick it out until the date I gave them.

In my experience, most BL's act like spoiled children.

 

[Nev375]

Other people's emotional responses are not your responsibility. If your BL wants to be a myopic crybaby when you fulfilled your role in the transition and part of his as well. Well, just let him cry and carry on. He might be talking about you, but his actions speak about him and others will see that.

 

[Jefenator]

Quitting can be a bear, sometimes - that's why I sometimes prefer it when I get fired.
If they're really your friends, they'll respect your decision and let you do what you need to do. That's been the case with me a few times. (I'm not into burning bridges. Heck, I'll even sub for the new guy!)
If the BL can't get over it and be happy & grateful for you then that's his problem.

 

[getrhythm]

You've gone above and beyond.
You're a righteous dude.
BL's being a dick.

 

[mrcbass]

I've only walked away form one working band. I announced prior to the last gig we had on the books - or would for several months because the LS leaves the are for the summer. The last gig was a bit awkward, but there was no animosity or hard feelings.

Had there been any grief when I announced, I would have considered not covering the final gig. That's not my style, but I'm sure not taking the stage with that kind of energy surrounding the event.

I would set the data and stick to it. Sounds like you've bent over backwards to ease the transition and it's not being appreciated, so "sorry, but it's time to go".

 

[fhm555]

After 5 years I'm leaving the band for personal reasons. It's family matters and they come first.

I've given ample notice since gigs are pending, but the BL is still upset with me.
I understand his frustration, but i didn't just quit. I've even made my replacement up a songlist with song title/artist names, which is more than he'll get from the BL.
I even offered to help my replacement, if he wants it, with some of the arrangements.

The bands been good to me and I wouldn't want to leave on bad terms, but this is the part I hate... waiting out those last gigs knowing how the BL feels, instead of being thankful I didn't leave him in a lurch.

I really don't know what else I could do. It is what it is.

How has your experience been with having to quit? Did you ever feel that "I wish I could just go now" feeling?

I really need to go now but I'll stick it out until the date I gave them.

All you can do is the best you can do to be professional about the situation, which it sounds like you’ve done. How others react to the situation is on them and there is little or nothing you can do short of giving them what they want. Keep doing what you can to make the transition as seamless as possible. It may not help with your disgruntled BL, but it is the right thing to do and allows you the peace of mind from knowing you did it right.
Don’t allow the BL’s frustration to become your frustration as well.

 

[Ewo]

Work with grownups next time.

You're doing the right thing. Take the high road every time. Who care what anyone else thinks about it? YOU'LL know you did the right thing. Play the ever loving crap out of those remaining shows right up until the last note. Smile and wish everyone the best moving forward. Congratulate the new guy. Move on. That's the best you can do.

This is good advice, for sure.

 

[Benj-jammin]

I had to leave my band as soon as I started having kids. It was just too much for me, especially combining work with raising kids, presenting at conferences/workshops. I had a long run playing, but the time spent on weekends, practices, uh-uh, just too much. I finished out with the obligated gigs, then they found a replacement. I'll be retiring in 2 years, kids are older now, grown up, so maybe "Pops" here will start jamming again with friends. Maybe some of you out there could handle the kids, job, gigs thing - just too hard for me at the time. No regrets, I had a blast, and how many out there can say they actually played on a stage, regardless of the setting? All good memories.