• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join freeLog in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

My Situation

I can't ignore her. I love her too much and care about her too much. I'd almost rather her be with the both of us than her not be with me at all.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so ****ed up? I can't ignore her calls and tell her that im not gonna be there for her if she ever wants me back because I just don't feel that in my heart. I just keep thinking over and over again in my head that this girl is the one and I can't afford to lose her.

Dude, been there, done that. I know exactly how you feel. And you can afford to lose her. Cause you can find somebody that is better and has more respect for you than to just split after 4 years.
 
I can't ignore her. I love her too much and care about her too much.

Well then...get used to how you feel right now, it isn't going to go away. As she moves on in her life to other adventures, you'll be stuck in neutral waiting for her to come back.

At some point in the future, you will develop a deep hatred for women and love in general that eats at you right to the core of your soul. You'll live a bitter lonely life until you die sad and unhappy.

-Mike
 
Try it for us, people who can't laugh at you when you fall because we barely even know you. If so many of us agree on one point, especially since so many old birds who have gone through dozens of relationships, I don't think we are wrong (and I come from a conservative society who don't condone having sex until marriage).

Just ignore thoughts of her for a while, eat a bit, think happy thoughts, go out and have fun because you are starting to sound like those pathetic emo kids in school who torture themselves just because they are upset.

Move on my friend, there are 4 billion girls in the world, she may seem like the one for you right now. But one day, you'll meet one whom you KNOW is the one. You won't have to question her loyalty to you too.

One last point, she said she doesn't love you anymore. That's it man, she doesn't. Love doesn't have an on/off switch.

Now move on with life before we confiscate your Man-card. It's not going to be easy, but you'll live through it. We are all behind you.
 
i almost feel like i shouldn't post in this thread anymore because it's going in one ear and out the other.

dude, i don't know you, i don't care what you do with your life, but the one thing i do care enough about is seeing people make the same mistakes i have. it's an endless fight that you won't win. trust me. i'll bet you your xbox that eventually she will call you but you have to realize you are just her back up now. you are her fall back. if this guy ends up ****ing her over(which he will) she will come running back to you, and from what you say, you will be there. then it will happen again, and again, and again. she is toying with your emotions right now. she doesn't care about your feelings. if she did she wouldn't have done this, or let alone call you to re-open the wound. you have to just man up.

maybe this will help you. just think about it like this, would you want to be with her after she has been with some other dude? if my girlfriend cheated on me, i'd never take her back even though she is the one, because i would never be able to get the thought of another man touching my woman like that.
 
When my first love broke up with me, it hurt. A lot. It always does. A week later, we get back together. The second time we broke up? It hurt even more. Do yourself a favour, and no matter how much you want to get back together with her, don't. It'll only feel worse when you split up again. Give it time and you'll start to feel better. Immerse yourself in your hobbies and it'll take your mind off of her.
 
This is part of why it hurts. My ex did ANYTHING. Not only that, but she shaved her entire body. I am not kidding. She also was verrrrrry hygienic. Used a baby wipe everytime she went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth every night, showered every day, etc.

Yeah, it's clear to see you have a great deal of respect for this girl, telling us about her sex drive, her grooming and wow, you even told us about what she does when she has a dump. Classy! :rolleyes:
 
when you call her to send your things, you might want to ask her to check around to make sure she's sending your balls back as well. You're gonna need em the second you decide to stop crying in the dark about THIS ONE CHICK. And I don't buy that whole "she's perfect" crap. You show me a woman who is one hundred percent perfect, and I'll bend over backwards and kiss my own arse.

Once you realize that benefits of many compromises greatly outweigh those of a mere one illusion of perfection, this situation will hurt a lot less.
 
Chances are that when she calls you, the other guy or one of her GF's is sitting next to her, and she said something like..."let's see what he says this time when he answers. He like totally wants me". If you pick up that phone, you are always going to feel like you do right now. It won't go away.

-Mike

Bingo.

Do NOT answer any call from her, or any call from a number that you either don't recognize or is an "unlisted" number. If it's important, whoever it is will leave a message, and if it's her on the message, DELETE it immediately.

Best thing you will ever do for yourself is to NEVER again have contact with her, and move on.
 
Don't get me wrong guys, I appreciate your advice and I honestly do try to go through with it. But I can't. I'm not being some little puss sitting around all day crying, but if I could just snap my fingers and act another way about her I would. Trust me I would love for that to happen. But when I try to act like I can ignore her calls, or I stop thinking about her, or that I can move on and get her out of my life, I get scared. I'm not gonna lie, I get so scared. I get scared that one of those phone calls might be her calling to tell me that she wants to get back together, and if I don't answer she will think "well **** you then" and change her mind. I'm scared if I ignore her that she will think I don't love her anymore and that will make her move on and forget about me when that is not what I want. And no matter how hard I try to think differently about it, it's like it just replays over and over and over again in my mind until I just totally break down and have to call/txt her.

I just can't win with this situation and it's horrible.
 
Don't get me wrong guys, I appreciate your advice and I honestly do try to go through with it. But I can't. I'm not being some little puss sitting around all day crying, but if I could just snap my fingers and act another way about her I would. Trust me I would love for that to happen. But when I try to act like I can ignore her calls, or I stop thinking about her, or that I can move on and get her out of my life, I get scared. I'm not gonna lie, I get so scared. I get scared that one of those phone calls might be her calling to tell me that she wants to get back together, and if I don't answer she will think "well **** you then" and change her mind. I'm scared if I ignore her that she will think I don't love her anymore and that will make her move on and forget about me when that is not what I want. And no matter how hard I try to think differently about it, it's like it just replays over and over and over again in my mind until I just totally break down and have to call/txt her.

I just can't win with this situation and it's horrible.

I made the mistake of getting back together with an ex. DON'T DO IT. I'd hate to see someone make the same mistake that I did. Yes, it is your first love. Don't be an idiot and think she's the only person who is ever going to fall in love with you or the only person you'll ever be in love with. She made her choice, and that choice wasn't you. Don't get back together with her even if she initiates. The pain you're going to feel when the relationship falls apart again IS NOT WORTH IT.
 
Don't get me wrong guys, I appreciate your advice and I honestly do try to go through with it. But I can't. I'm not being some little puss sitting around all day crying, but if I could just snap my fingers and act another way about her I would. Trust me I would love for that to happen. But when I try to act like I can ignore her calls, or I stop thinking about her, or that I can move on and get her out of my life, I get scared. I'm not gonna lie, I get so scared. I get scared that one of those phone calls might be her calling to tell me that she wants to get back together, and if I don't answer she will think "well **** you then" and change her mind. I'm scared if I ignore her that she will think I don't love her anymore and that will make her move on and forget about me when that is not what I want. And no matter how hard I try to think differently about it, it's like it just replays over and over and over again in my mind until I just totally break down and have to call/txt her.

I just can't win with this situation and it's horrible.

earth to slaap addict... she.... has... already... moved.... on.