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Oh Dear God, The Horror!

organworthyplayer337

organworthyplayer337

Professional Hack
Oct 28, 2014
3,069
3,243
27
Charlotte, NC
#1
Yesterday I was playing out and it was before someone was going to speak. So when we finished our songs, we have to leave our instruments up there (nothing unusual), but I usually unplug and put the bass in its case. At this particular moment, I had no time to unplug (everything was still live) and I had to find a stand and get off stage quick. I find the only stand that's available to me. It's base is broken to the point where it's just resting on the ground, the neck cradle spins around freely and it is all around flimsy.


I set it up as sturdy as I possibly can and I'm the last one to leave the stage. I find a seat specifically so I can see the bass (just in case it begins to tilt I can run up there). I watch it for the entire speech. My stomach was actually turning. My entire relationship with the bass flashed before my eyes. I was calculating the repair cost for a broken headstock etc. I was doing freelance geometry in my head trying to see what angle it would fall or if it might fall off the back of the stage (it wasn't right on the edge but anything is possible). I beat myself up for not just laying it against the stage monitor instead or ANYTHING ELSE. I went through more emotions in that time than I have in a couple years.

My eyes would fool me periodically and I could have sworn is was leaning very, very slowly to one side. It wasn't. I got up there for the last song without incident.

Needless to say I was legitimately worried sick for 30 minutes (or however long he was up there, I wasn't paying attention)

Never again, I say. Never again.
 
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#4
If I have no stress, my mind will create imaginary stress. If I were in your position, and was not worried about the bass, I would start to worry about an assassination attempt, especially if my ex was seated behind me. Or, at the very least, she would flick boogers at me. Then, there's always the terrorists that can come in and take all of us hostage. What I'm trying to say is that it's better you worry about your bass than be assassinated. Well, looks like it's time for another cup of coffee.
 
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#5
We used to have an expensive Taylor acoustic guitar up on stage.. on a stand (similar to that in the pic below) where it's owner (John) could sling his electric behind his back and walk up and play it. It used to be set up stage left. At a gig last year - the stage floor is about 6 feet off the ground - he had just finished playing it on a song, and turned to walk away. I looked over and - in typical movie-style slo-mo - the whole shebang starts leaning left. I shouted to John - he turns and is (cartoon style) frantically [flailing arms] trying to grab it - but misses.
It falls OFF the stage, crashing to the the floor - 6 feet below. The lower top-body split across where you see the two bottom supports below - up toward the neck.. it was not a pleasant situation!!

0e0f7a70b87d4a11ff74874ed9461f6d.image.838x993.jpg
 
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#6
I heard someone say recently, "My life has been filled with countless horrible incidents and tragic events. Most of them never happened." Amazing what we can do to ourselves.

FWIW, I can't even begin to tell you how many times my basses have been knocked over. They're a lot tougher than we think they are. Most I ever got out of a fall was a tiny nick, and usually that doesn't even happen. IME, only guitar you never want to drop is a Les Paul.
 
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#8
organworthyplayer337 said:
Yesterday I was playing out and it was before someone was going to speak. So when we finished our songs, we have to leave our instruments up there (nothing unusual), but I usually unplug and put the bass in its case. At this particular moment, I had no time to unplug (everything was still live) and I had to find a stand and get off stage quick. I find the only stand that's available to me. It's base is broken to the point where it's just resting on the ground, the neck cradle spins around freely and it is all around flimsy.


I set it up as sturdy as I possibly can and I'm the last one to leave the stage. I find a seat specifically so I can see the bass (just in case it begins to tilt I can run up there). I watch it for the entire speech. My stomach was actually turning. My entire relationship with the bass flashed before my eyes. I was calculating the repair cost for a broken headstock etc. I was doing freelance geometry in my head trying to see what angle it would fall or if it might fall off the back of the stage (it wasn't right on the edge but anything is possible). I beat myself up for not just laying it against the stage monitor instead or ANYTHING ELSE. I went through more emotions in that time than I have in a couple years.

My eyes would fool me periodically and I could have sworn is was leaning very, very slowly to one side. It wasn't. I got up there for the last song without incident.

Needless to say I was legitimately worried sick for 30 minutes (or however long he was up there, I wasn't paying attention)

Never again, I say. Never again.
Click to expand...
Zat All? I thought it was going to be about Oatmeal gone bad. :vomit:
 
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#9
Bodeanly said:
If I have no stress, my mind will create imaginary stress. If I were in your position, and was not worried about the bass, I would start to worry about an assassination attempt, especially if my ex was seated behind me. Or, at the very least, she would flick boogers at me. Then, there's always the terrorists that can come in and take all of us hostage. What I'm trying to say is that it's better you worry about your bass than be assassinated. Well, looks like it's time for another cup of coffee.
Click to expand...
BOOOGERRRRRRRSS! :***:
 
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#11
Atshen said:
Ouch! What mental pain uselessly put upon your poor soul! :D

If I don't have a stand, I'll lean it securely against my amp, or even better, I'll put it in its case.

Anyway, your profile says you only have MM and Fender basses, so no need to worry, those things are bulletproof!
Click to expand...
I once saw a guy at a club in Virginia unplug his p bass...whack a rowdy over the head...plug back in and continue playing. Still in tune.
 
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#14
Well, I use an amp stand for my rack (ain't putting nothing on top of two SVT210AVs stacked vertically!) and I picked up one of those Planet Waves clamp on guitar dock thingies. I've used the dock on the frame of the combo my rack rests on at our rehearsal space and it does a pretty good job of keeping the bass in place. I haven't tried it with the amp stand yet, but spring tour is 12 days away so I'll be finding out PDQ! Previously I'd always put the bass in it's case, but a couple of the venues we've played on tour have had stages cramped enough to make that problematic, hence the guitar dock. Pretty cheap from BSO, so I tossed it on my last string order.
 
#16
A (sort of but not really) comical thing I saw many years ago at a gig... the warm-up band had played, I'll never forget, they were called Blade Runner... drummer was a funny character, about a 45 yr old rocker with frizzed har and spandex, playing with a bunch of guys that were like 18 or so who are very inexperienced. I think this was their first gig. He always had a very sly "I am up to something" look on his face. Always has some angle. His name was, aptly, "Smiley."

A brief humorous aside before continuing, these young kids had obviously had rock-n-roll fantasies in leading up to this... guy in the band walks to the edge of the stage during their rendition of "Smokin' in the Boyz Room" with a pack of cigarettes. Obviously they had imagined a throng of fans pushing up to the stage... so he tosses the cigarette pack theatrically into the throng... which isn't there. Hardly anyone there at the time (outdoor party gig, bonfire/night etc). The cigarettes land anticlimacticly on the grass to silence.

So anyway, their set ends with Smiley playing a 10 minute drum solo while the rest of the band has gone somewhere to get high or something. This is on a semi flatbed. He ends by doing a jump from the riser like David Lee Roth, theatrically with legs kicked way out.... when he lands the semi flat bed flexes and "bounces". ALL their guitars go flying off their stands! The sound of a smattering of applause slightly muffles the sound of clattering guitars. He looks around, sees no band members, and puts them quietly back on their stands, and sneaks away like nothing happened.

Of course the band returns for their next set, none the wiser... they didn't tune again before the 2nd set (inexperienced). 1st song starts with a drum intro, and when the band comes in, it's the most god-awful, out-of-tune racket you've ever heard. They are puzzled and struggle through to the end... then one guy notices a chip on his guitar... then another guy... bad moment for them. I don't know if they ever found out what happened.
 
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#20
reminds of when my ex-gf threw my bass down a flight of steps. as i watched it soar through the air i began to smile. when it landed i laughed uncontrollably. she was confused as she knew i had just bought this instrument. so i picked up my Steinberger and as i walked away i was so grateful it wasn't the pbass. :thumbsup:
 
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