Lead singers ALWAYS say something stupid - I think that there is something to the theory of loss of brain cells due to singing...
Just a theory, though.
Dan K.
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One liners, for those embarrassing silences.
- Thread starter fenderfunker
- Start date
Lead singers ALWAYS say something stupid - I think that there is something to the theory of loss of brain cells due to singing...
Just a theory, though.
Dan K.
I could tell you what this weekends faux pas was, but it's too political I think. It started out with taking up a collection for earthquake victims in Haiti. He even said donating was a good thing because "They really don't have a lot." If only he would have shut his hole right then and there..........
- Aug 5, 2005
- 7,243
- 92
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: J.C. Basses
"OK, so I heard this great joke the other day, but it's kind of long. I think you guys will get a kick out of it. Okay okay, so a priest, a rabbi, and an elephant walk into a bar and....what? okay, I'll finish it up after this song."
**song**
"So, the priest and the rabbi start getting into a philosophical debate about circumcision, evolution, lima beans...the works! Then the elephant...**looks back at drummer** alright! we'll play! Drummers...this song is called..."
**song**
repeat just taking the joke out further and further into absurdity and never finish it.
**song**
"So, the priest and the rabbi start getting into a philosophical debate about circumcision, evolution, lima beans...the works! Then the elephant...**looks back at drummer** alright! we'll play! Drummers...this song is called..."
**song**
repeat just taking the joke out further and further into absurdity and never finish it.
my favourite, from a gig where the audience was 5 immobile, arms-folded people:
'if someone falls down in the pit, pick 'em up, yeah?'
and the old favourite from Bill Hicks:
'jeez... i've had more people than this in bed'
'if someone falls down in the pit, pick 'em up, yeah?'
and the old favourite from Bill Hicks:
'jeez... i've had more people than this in bed'
We had a black friday gig. We packed out this bar/coffee place. When our guitarist broke a string, I stepped up to the mic and said, "so who went shopping today?" crickets ensued. Fail. Luckily our guitarist was quick.
Some good responses so far..What about one liners for 'Hecklers' too?
They could be handy...here's two.
OK! I had my first drink at your age too.
Does your mother know you're out? etc. etc.
They could be handy...here's two.
OK! I had my first drink at your age too.
Does your mother know you're out? etc. etc.
I'm pretty sure the last time that joke was funny was some time in the early 80's, possibly earlier.
He's right, it does have whiskers. But there must be somebody out there who hasn't heard it before.
He's right, it does have whiskers. But there must be somebody out there who hasn't heard it before.
Yep. You would be surprised how many people have never heard that one before.
When we keep getting somebody asking for the same song over and over even though we have politely told them we do not know it, I say "We do not know that song but this next song has some of the same notes as that one."
bongomania
Commercial User
If you're at a venue where the F word is acceptable, then you can tell them this joke:
A woman walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a cone of chocolate ice cream. The counter guy says "I'm very sorry ma'am, but we ran out of chocolate earlier today--can I get you any other flavor?" She thinks about it a while, and says "OK, then I guess I'll have chocolate."
He says "Oh I'm really sorry about this, but as I said before, we are out of chocolate right now; check out the menu, and see if there are any other flavors besides chocolate that I could get for you." She looks at the menu for a long time, checking out each of the options, and finally says "you know, maybe I'll have chocolate."
The counter guy is frustrated now and he says "look, I will be happy to serve you any other flavor you might like. We have dozens of flavors, and I will even give you an extra scoop on the house, if you can pick a different flavor please." She answers "oh, OK, I see, I understand now, sorry for the confusion... so let's just keep it simple, and I'll have a scoop of chocolate."
He looks at her, and says "do you like word games?" She nods "yes", so he says "let's play a game here. You know how sometimes a short word is contained inside a longer word? Like for example, you see the v-a-n, 'van' in vanilla?" She says "yes, I see it." He goes on: "how about the 'straw' in strawberry?" She excitedly answers "yes, I see that one too!" So he says "great, and do you see the '****' in chocolate?"
She frowns and says "there's no '****' in chocolate!"
He says "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!"
When we get requests for, say 'Foo Fighters', in my funk band, we just launch into our next song, but announce it as a Foo Fighters song. Why do people ask us to play completely different genre songs?? Do they ask Death Metal bands to play a Hot Chocolate song? Where are there F%$#&^@ heads at?
How about responding with - "why should we?, they never play any of our songs?".
You keep playing. If the drummer drops a stick he grabs another. Break a string change it... quickly. You dont stop a song to bring attention to a problem. If need be start the song over from the top once the kink is worked out.
Or break into the first two bars of the song, halt with your cellphone in your hand... "Oops, <insert band> called, they want their song back."
During a lull while our guitarist changed a string, a woman in the crowd kept yelling, "Hurry up!" Finally, sick of her, I said. "He changes strings faster than you change your underwear." To which our singer added, "And probably more often."
- Nov 30, 2009
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- Amateur. Take my advice for its resale value.
Thats actually really funny. I'd enjoy that
Haha......awesome.
ZING!
For me, I NEVER stop playing, or pretending to play. 90% of the audience will not notice it anyway. If there is a problem, fix it betwen songs. I stopped playing once, ran off stage, switched basses, came back out, and only half the audience even noticed. I felt stupid, and will never do that again.
Sometimes, if we get asked to play songs by bands that we could not nor would not do such as Metallica, we say, "This next song would sound like this if Metallica did it."
Biker chicks are wild.
Dirt riders have more fun riding, but bikers have more fun *after* the ride.
Personally I hate one-liners, just play on and pretend nothing happened.
Backup guitars are there for a reason and drummers are supposed to have spare sticks a-plenty.
