Parents with screaming kids...

[tZer]

One possible flip of this scenario is the parent who is so worried about what other people think of them (because clearly many do think they are horrible people who shouldn't be allowed in public with their brats) - that they go WAY over the top in meting out the discipline. They spank the holy heck out of their child or viciously verbally chastise them simply because they are more concerned about your delicate disposition than the welfare of their own child's still forming psyche. Is that a correct response to your bus riding scenario? Would that have satisfied your sense that at least the parent was trying to do something?

I've seen mothers who yank their child's arms so hard they risk dislocating an elbow or shoulder in an effort to thwart a tantrum. Is that what you want to see? Overt abuse for the sake of your peace of mind?

I guarantee there'd be a thread started about parents who discipline their children in public (no matter how they went about it - corporally or verbally) and how they think these parents are the scum of the earth.

I really do feel that this is a case where those without the kids on the public transport and who've never had to actually deal with such a challenging situation should stfu about how they feel about those with kids on public transport.

Life is REALLY EASY when you are the only one in it. Got stones? Cast away if you're perfect.

 

[Tony In Philly]

It's all a balancing act. When you're at home you can ignore them when they act up. When you're in some sort of public transportation you need to let them know that it is not to be tolerated. Unfortunately lots of parents don't get this idea early on and they subject others to their kids' obnoxious behavior. I realize that there are obviously some exceptions with regard to psychological problems, but most kids can be tamed with the correct amount of consistent discipline. In the end it is the parents' duty to raise respectful children. Maybe it was easy for me because I have daughters (now grown), but anyway I get what the OP was saying.

 

[tZer]

I honestly don't think anyone doesn't get what the OP is saying.

It's the blanket accusations of ineptitude about parents who have children who may be having an episode and the rest of his acidic and intolerant commentary regarding a subject that he clearly has no expertise on whatsoever that many are reacting to.

When a 21 year old, apparently childless dude starts ranting about other people's parenting skills and spewing bile because of a bad bus ride - well...

Didn't his parents raise him right? Didn't they properly prepare him for the real world and provide him a way to cope with such insufferable situations? MY parents made sure I understood that sometimes life serves up some less that pleasant stuff. Ranting and raging about it is not only a waste of time and energy, it's a demonstration of a serious maturity deficit. I teach my kids much the same thing. That sometimes they need to be understanding of others even if it appears they are doing something wrong or outrageous.

Hmmm...

 

[plexibass]

If the child grows into a rebellious teenager, shift the punishments up a gear. Remove all comforts (bedroom door, cooked food, computer/laptop etc etc), make them live in the garage, give them a slap and a stern telling off.

Basically, there is no rebellion that a teenager can commit that a parent cannot overcome. You're still the boss, they just need to be reminded of that.

Also, following Israel's foreign policy mantra is probably a good idea when parenting- "always escalate".

BOOOOOOOYAHHHH. WE HAVE A WINNER FOLKS!!!!! this is the way we [all 4 kids] were handled as kids. we turned out ok.

 

[Norwegian Bass]

This thread has been quite illuminating.

 

[DudeistMonk]

This is why I hate public transportation....other day I want to get to hoboken to party it up...on the path train its 10pm, I got one guy singing bon jovi to his girlfriend, obnoxiously loud and poorly and embarrassing her, and I got a kid on the other side of the train car banging on **** and screaming in the most unmusical way ever conceived. This all went on for over 15 on minutes on a waiting train.

Bon Jovi guy is an *** and should have sung to her for 30 seconds then shut up, and if he wasn't 300 pounds I would have pushed him off the train. That parent should have given their kid something that wasn't made of hollow metal to smack for while, and shooshed them but neither had the decency...the most considerate people on the train where the crack heads who just wanted to stay dry.

What ever happened to game boys?...here kid play Mario.

It is absolutely a parents responsibility to keep their child reasonably inline...I will often nicely interfere "hey buddy, I think me and your mom have both had a rough day and I don't think its working." sometimes its enough to freak the kid out enough (since strangers never talk to children) that they shut up....but 30 minutes is unacceptable...time for mom to take a walk or call a cab...I can't bring a barking dog on a bus, you shouldn't be able to bring a screaming ape on a bus.

 

[tZer]

OK - I'll ask... Monk... got kids?

 

[Chad Michael]

The parenting / behavior / discipline techniques that I've studied over the last 6 years are mind - numbing.

From 'revoke privileges' to 'spank' to 'time-outs' to 'therapy' to 'medicate' to 'rewards-based' ad-infinitum. What is the single magic answer, would someone please tell me? Oh, and since it is so easy, please tell the lady on the bus with the screaming child. Do you think that woman and child should never leave the house, for fear that a tantrum might offend "someone easily offended who chooses not to have kids yet utilizes public transportation?"

Remembering the day I became a father, and the joys of being a father, is wonderful beyond words. It is not all fun and games... I must say that you absolutely can not and will not have a respect for parenting until you 'give it a go' for yourself. It is by far and away the most challenging task that I have encountered. Becoming a parent has also given me a respect for my own parents, and any parent(s) that I encounter in public. You chose not to have kids? Good for you, surely the money you save will buy personal transportation that you so deserve.

That being said, any parent needs take reasonable measures to keep their kids in line whether at-home or in public.

 

[EricF]

DudeistMonk -
Just a hunch here...
Since it's 10pm, the kid is exhausted and beyond the ability to respond to direction from his parent or anyone else. His mom is probably also at the end of her rope and is just happy that he is standing in one place and she doesn't have to restrain him from running all over (which would undoubtedly involve much protest from the young guy). Yes, it sucks for other people, but sometimes parents make decisions that just get them through the day.

 

[Scarlet Fire]

A lot of people here need to open a basic psychology textbook.

Punishment is the least effective method of extinguishing a behavior.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

I think all parents have been that parent at least once in our parenting career.

 

[tZer]

A lot of people here need to open a basic psychology textbook.

Punishment is the least effective method of extinguishing a behavior.

But if these parents did it when in public, so many other folks' lives would be greatly improved, if you believe what many here are claiming.

 

[DudeistMonk]

DudeistMonk -
Just a hunch here...
Since it's 10pm, the kid is exhausted and beyond the ability to respond to direction from his parent or anyone else. His mom is probably also at the end of her rope and is just happy that he is standing in one place and she doesn't have to restrain him from running all over (which would undoubtedly involve much protest from the young guy). Yes, it sucks for other people, but sometimes parents make decisions that just get them through the day.

No kids. 23...got some time to go.

and A) Why is the child awake and on a train on Saturday night at 10 o'clock?

B) It was plenty awake...the kid was happy and full of energy, it just needed another way to make music besides that metal pole and a stick. Mom did not so much as attempt to offer the kid an alternative.

C) I was on the other side of the train car and it was ear piercing, ahahhahhahha, whack, whack, ahahahahaha for 15 minutes....and the kid had no rhythm.

D) I know I have thrown a tantrum or 2 as a kid in public but my mom delt with it and had us shut up within 2 minutes, and we never got what we wanted. 30 minutes is too long for a public confined space, yeah sure if it was the mall and people are moving about and can leave, but a plane or a train you need control your kid, you need to let them know that these places it is not tolerated...my mom used to say stuff like "If you are not quit on a train the conductor will kick us all out and then we have to walk there." worked on me.

 

[tZer]

C) I was on the other side of the train car and it was ear piercing, ahahhahhahha, whack, whack, ahahahahaha for 15 minutes....and the kid had no rhythm.

Well, you didn't mention the no rhythm part! THAT is intolerable!!

And, believe it or not, I agree with you that his mom should have removed that clanger at the very first clang.

 

[EricF]

No kids. 23...got some time to go.

and A) Why is the child awake and on a train on Saturday night at 10 o'clock?

B) It was plenty awake...the kid was happy and full of energy, it just needed another way to make music besides that metal pole and a stick. Mom did not so much as attempt to offer the kid an alternative.

C) I was on the other side of the train car and it was ear piercing, ahahhahhahha, whack, whack, ahahahahaha for 15 minutes....and the kid had no rhythm.

D) I know I have thrown a tantrum or 2 as a kid in public but my mom delt with it and had us shut up within 2 minutes, and we never got what we wanted. 30 minutes is too long for a public confined space, yeah sure if it was the mall and people are moving about and can leave, but a plane or a train you need control your kid, you need to let them know that these places it is not tolerated...my mom used to say stuff like "If you are not quit on a train the conductor will kick us all out and then we have to walk there." worked on me.

I'm not saying that the parent shouldn't have made an attempt to quiet their child in that situation, but rather that sometimes there are circumstances involving kids that are beyond what appears to be the case to someone walking into that situation.

There are a dozen reasons the kid is still up at 10pm on a Saturday. This may be their normal schedule.

Also, for future reference ( ), a kid that appears to be awake, happy, and full of energy is not always what's really going on inside the kid's head. Every night, my daughter hits a manic phase where her energy level shoots through the roof and she wants to play, run, goof-off, etc. Within 5 minutes after she finally settles down, she's asleep. Kids WILL fool you like that.

 

[baalroo]

Any time I have something occur that is expressly my fault and it inconveniences others in a public space I do everything within my power to stop. In fact, this is rarely an issue since I do everything within my power to make sure I do not create situations in which I would be inconveniencing others within a public space to begin with.

If I had a boombox that randomly turned on and blasted feedback at high volumes, I either would not take it on a bus, or I would be prepared to get off of the bus at the first sign of issue. Obviously, this analogy dehumanizes the child to make a point, and thus is not entirely accurate since it removes the concept of acceptance and tolerance on the part of the the other passengers.

The problem is that the other people on the bus did not choose to be subjected to the child's tantrums, yet the parent has decided that it is everyone's problem.

Personally I think most people are fairly tolerant to a parent saying "I'm sorry" and the apology goes a long way to building a bridge for empathy.

 

[Stanley Design]

4 pages and all the argueing done, not one of you with children said to sit and talk with it.

If you're in a store and your kid starts having a fit over some toy that you wont buy, how about telling it that you would LOVE to buy them every toy they want, that you want to be able to give them everything they could ever immagine, but that mommy and daddy's aren't allowed to do that all the time even if they want to. That the toy isn't being bought for a reason more than "no you can't have it now shut up." and depending on the situation, you can perhaps say "so you can't have that toy, but if you be a good boy/girl for the rest of our grocery shopping, maybe we can stop for ice cream on the way home" Then the kid is excited for ice cream, but will only get it if it's well behaved. Ice cream is $2 and the kid will be happier than a migit in a wig store.

Why does that not work? Why does that not teach the child that good behavior gets rewards and bad behavior gets them nowhere? Why does that not teach your child more about how the world works?

 

[Fassa Albrecht]

4 pages and all the argueing done, not one of you with children said to sit and talk with it.

If you're in a store and your kid starts having a fit over some toy that you wont buy, how about telling it that you would LOVE to buy them every toy they want, that you want to be able to give them everything they could ever immagine, but that mommy and daddy's aren't allowed to do that all the time even if they want to. That the toy isn't being bought for a reason more than "no you can't have it now shut up." and depending on the situation, you can perhaps say "so you can't have that toy, but if you be a good boy/girl for the rest of our grocery shopping, maybe we can stop for ice cream on the way home" Then the kid is excited for ice cream, but will only get it if it's well behaved. Ice cream is $2 and the kid will be happier than a migit in a wig store.

Why does that not work? Why does that not teach the child that good behavior gets rewards and bad behavior gets them nowhere? Why does that not teach your child more about how the world works?

You're essentially bribing them...

 

[Stanley Design]

Not really, they still have to behave and at that point it's their choice, if they still act up then you try another method AND they don't get any rewards.

And bribing your kids as you call it, is not a bad idea anyway. My friend never drank a drop of alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or did ANY drugs until after he turned 19. The only reason was because his dad said he'd give him $2500 on his 19th if he stayed clean and sober. So during high school he stayed clean because of his bribe, and now he's more responsible for it. It may have been a bribe, but it worked. It was 7 years his dad didn't have to worry at all about his son getting into trouble.

 

[fdeck]

You're essentially bribing them...

It's only bribery if you are asking them to do something that is wrong. There is nothing in the world wrong with offering a treat for good behavior. It also doesn't work, but that's another matter.