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Professional courtesy? Or every man for himself?
- Thread starter StraffordMike
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It's not "show friends," it's "show BUSINESS."
It sounds like the BL wants to upgrade the bass position. Nothing wrong with that. I say be up front about that with your friend. You didn't go looking for it. It fell in your lap. Honestly, if he were a better player it would be a non-issue, right? But also understand, you might be the guy upgraded at some point in the future. Some bands work that way. That doesn't mean that it can't be a good ride while it lasts.
It sounds like the BL wants to upgrade the bass position. Nothing wrong with that. I say be up front about that with your friend. You didn't go looking for it. It fell in your lap. Honestly, if he were a better player it would be a non-issue, right? But also understand, you might be the guy upgraded at some point in the future. Some bands work that way. That doesn't mean that it can't be a good ride while it lasts.
It would be like me getting a promotion over someone else at work, and feeling like i'm the one that needs to break the news to them. Hell to the naw!
Actually, no!
It's more like this: Your friend is getting demoted, and you are taking over his position, and you knowing before him without telling him.
And? I still don't see the problem with not telling him. It would be unprofessional for me to tell him, and i would potentially lose my own job over it depending on the circumstances. If it were my BEST FRIEND then maybe, but in the case of the OP it is just a dude he goes to church with.
Now I am not personally a Christian, but I guess OP is since he is in a worship band.
Isn't one of the commandments: "Love thy neighbour.... yada yada yada."?
Ok, I get it, you put money over decency to your fellow human beings.
Not such a flatterable feature in my personal book, but I guess it is pretty common.
Our opinions obviously differ on what makes a successful human being.
But I guess it is out of my hands to change that, so not really much basis for a fruitful discussion here.
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I believe it is, but that does not mean that you involve yourself in situations like this.
That love thy neighbor crap probably works with insulting TB members that disagree with you, too.....
Our church has an underground fight club. We scourge each other when someone in another pew gives you that "stanky" eye.
But I do it out of love, hoping that my insults will inflate their ego and making them repent their evil ways
Also did I not in that exact quote state that I am not personally a Christian.
And even if admittedly I do believe that treating your fellow humans beings decently is the right thing to do, I am not much of a turn the other cheek kind of person.
But I do it out of love, hoping that my insults will inflate their ego and making them repent their evil ways
So then the OP can take this guys gig, and do so out of love in hopes that it will make him a better bassist....
You've solved your own moral hypocrisy!
This is the bit with which I, at least, disagree. Nothing is being "done" "to" the other guy by the OP.
If the other guy thought that was the case, he's an arse. The sort of arse who thinks that the player's decisions before him on a Black Jack table, actually affect his chances of winning. In other words, a blame-shifting, never-my-fault arseclown of the first order. I'm sure he's not. It'd be a long trot to find someone so irrational. Even after his initial reaction and disappointment, I'm sure he'd realise after talking it over with some people, that such silly conclusions really don't stand up to the slightest bit of scrutiny and self-analysis.
So I am the one who doesn't know irony when it slams into me with 1000 miles pr hour now?
Also I would say that there's a considerably difference calling someone a poop head in the heat of a discussion and then taking someones job.
Finally someone making this point went the extra synapse! Everyone who didn't: gloom-mongers
OP also used the term "buddy." I can understand his concern. They are familiars and work together in another music endeavor. OP would probably rather not turn an acquaintance who he considers a buddy into an enemy if he can avoid it.
Even though I wouldn't pass up the offer if it came, some semblance of concern and professional courtesy is not unreasonable. The more I think about it, the BL has created an awkward situation by tipping her hat a bit prematurely. OP might mention to her the nature of his relationship with the other bassist, his concerns over hurt feelings, and encorage her to handle it with sensitivity.
There's nothing wrong with OP trying to communicate to the other bassist that he didn't target the slot, that it was the BL who approached him, and he hopes there will be no hard feelings over it.
Yes, the outcome will be the same, but the attempt at goodwill could be very helpful in the long run.
If these two were total strangers who never saw each other in another project, that would be different.
It's not the way everyone would handle it, but I admire OP for taking someone else's feelings into consideration under these circumstances. If I were the other bassist in this situation, I would appreciate and respect the gesture.
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I know the OP is not the one actively involved in this at this moment.
And I even advised him on what to do in case he really wanted the job.
It's not him that is to fire his friend, it is however him possibly taking his job and knowing about this.
The least you can do in such a situation is to be honest with each other.
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