Puns!

[shadowtippy]

I didn't do well in school. I can't count the number of times I failed math.

 

[Richland123]

I didn't do well in school. I can't count the number of times I failed math.

That statement just doesn't add up.

 

[dave64o]

Not many people know that modern sandals got their name from the Frenchman who invented them - Philippe Falopp.

 

[Richland123]

Not many people know that modern sandals got their name from the Frenchman who invented them - Philippe Falopp.

That is thong on so many levels.

 

[FilterFunk]

 

[roccobass]

I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...

Will beheading there tomorrow.

 

[roccobass]

I didn't do well in school. I can't count the number of times I failed math.

I can your problems multiplying as we speak. I’m sorry, but I had no solution for you.

 

[Richland123]

I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...

Will beheading there tomorrow.

Does that make you the head executioner?

 

[roccobass]

 

[slobake]

My wife wants new window treatments, I shudder to think what that will cost.

 

[slobake]

Harrriet Hippo left her boyfriend Henry. He went off to drown his sorrows.

 

[kobass]

My wife wants new window treatments, I shudder to think what that will cost.

Don't be throwing shade at her now!

 

[roccobass]

4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

 

[roccobass]

My wife wants new window treatments, I shudder to think what that will cost.

Time to distract her with a classic example of the ol’ Venetian Blind maneuver.

 

[slobake]

Time to distract her with a classic example of the ol’ Venetian Blind maneuver.

I have to be careful, she might fall into the canal.

 

[slobake]

Two beetles named Richard and George had been out all night drinking. George turned to Richard and said, "Here comes the sun" so they decided to crawl back under a rock.

 

[Richland123]

4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

So, the guy who threw the cigarette off the boat became the butt of their jokes.

 

[shadowtippy]

Time to distract her with a classic example of the ol’ Venetian Blind maneuver.

That could be curtains for him.

 

[FilterFunk]

 

[slobake]

There is a new breed of dog that is gaining popularity in East Milpitas. It's a cross between a Pomeranian and a Rock Hound. It's called a Pomegranate.