Yes, didn't mean to seem naive. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't see them throwing drinks back in front of everyone and being encouraged to drink openly.
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Rude to not take drinks?
- Thread starter GK Growl
- Start date
Yes, didn't mean to seem naive. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't see them throwing drinks back in front of everyone and being encouraged to drink openly.
If you're a regular, tell the bartender to charge them for a drink, pour you a no-ice soda, and then split the funds 50/50 at the end of the night.
Then I guess quit playing these places. I am not trying to be mean, but from your other post, it sounds like you really don't enjoy these places anyway.
Yes I have certainly thought about quitting and I don't take your comments as mean at all. The sad reality for me and I assume a lot of us non schooled players is that this is the only kind of work I can get based on my skill level. Yes, we play the occasional festival or larger club where you are kind of removed from the one on one interaction with patrons. Quitting is an option that has been on the table. Wife has mentioned that it seems that would be the best given the the frustration these types of things cause me.
Actually this is a golden opportunity to go tony Clifton on their asses if you’re planning on not playing there anymore. First you say “I don’t drink.” Then when they are insistent you acquiesce and take a shot. Then be seen drinking lots more shots (of water) and loudly toasting. Get progressively more obnoxious, spill drinks on them, tell them off, tip their table over on them, and have your band mates tell the people “you started this! Now you know why he doesn’t drink!!”
Next time you see them pretend like it didn’t happen.
Follow up with a gig report.
That would be totally awesome. I just gave my band 2 weeks notice so I'll do that at my final gig on the 23rd and report back with a new scorched earth thread.
Then you have a supportive wife. If she noticed, then you are bringing your frustrations home.
Your "sad reality" can be changed. You can increase your skill level.
Yeah I could but I know myself and I don't really have the desire to. Reading music and playing while reading charts seems about as exciting as smoke filled rooms with drunks.
No, it's not rude to decline a drink for whatever reason, and you've got solid reasons anyway.
If the singer's getting hammered is affecting his performance then you need to sit him down and tell him. Same thing if he's driving home hammered. It's not on you to discourage drinks from being offered but you should be up front with the singer about why he shouldn't be accepting them.
I'm with you on that. I only drink in moderation these days, and will never do shots if I'm driving (or playing).
OP, I hardly think it's rude if you refuse drinks. It's far more rude for people to show contempt for your sobriety.
Work it out with the bartenders and waitresses to give you non-alcoholic something in place of the drink. Let the patron think that they bought you something and bar profit.
If you can't do that, then offer to give the drink to the funnest table at the gig and have a waitress take it them instead.
Drinking at the gig is one of those things where everyone has a different opinion about. To me, there are places where it is appropriate and places it isn't. I think we walk a grey line between employee, entertainer, and sales. Sales people in many industries are encouraged by there employer to drink with the customers to establish a less formal relationship and make the experience of dealing with them more enjoyable, etc. So to me, there are situations where you are part of the party and/or a sales person, but you should never do it if you are not comfortable with it for whatever reason. I have had bar managers and owners buy our band shots and drinks many times.
If you can't do that, then offer to give the drink to the funnest table at the gig and have a waitress take it them instead.
Drinking at the gig is one of those things where everyone has a different opinion about. To me, there are places where it is appropriate and places it isn't. I think we walk a grey line between employee, entertainer, and sales. Sales people in many industries are encouraged by there employer to drink with the customers to establish a less formal relationship and make the experience of dealing with them more enjoyable, etc. So to me, there are situations where you are part of the party and/or a sales person, but you should never do it if you are not comfortable with it for whatever reason. I have had bar managers and owners buy our band shots and drinks many times.
I think this thread and my previous thread are more about me needing to quit playing than about the topics of the threads themselves. Those things are never going to change. They come with the territory of playing in the type of band I play in at the type of places we play. Thanks guys for discussing all this with me and helping me to see the bigger picture. It takes me awhile to catch on sometimes but the common denominator in all this is me and my frustration with things that are a normal part of playing.
What about having an understanding with bartenders about your situation, and allowing them to fill certain bottles with non-alcoholic stuff - so if a guy buys a shot for you, maybe it's water instead of vodka or iced tea instead of whisky. You get the basic concept.
You're not drinking, they're not offended. Who is that really hurting?
Not everybody knows your struggles and what you've been through, so they can't always feel the same way about how you live. It's still okay not to drink, people just have certain expectations I suppose.
You're not drinking, they're not offended. Who is that really hurting?
Not everybody knows your struggles and what you've been through, so they can't always feel the same way about how you live. It's still okay not to drink, people just have certain expectations I suppose.
Technically “Yes, it’s rude to refuse a shot purchased for you by a patron”, but I seriously doubt that the venue or any mature adult would actually hold it against you for refusing (people are generally more understanding than you’d think). Unless the person buying the shot is a complete jerk, they shouldn’t become offended if you simply tell them that you don’t drink “for health reasons”. That’s precisely what I’ve started doing when someone asks to buy us a round of drinks and if they do seem put off or ask for a deeper explanation, I simply tell them that I’m trying to detox my body to turn my overall health around.
Failing that, I tell them that I’m also licensed and trained to carry a handgun, and AM NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED to have any alcohol in my body while armed (I usually leave it vague on if I’m currently armed, though in Texas I’m not allowed to be while in a bar...other states may have different laws). This one has never failed to end the discussion of alcohol, though it does sometimes start other discussions (not intended to be the start of a discussion on firearms, just an example of having several prepared answers ready to go for inebriated and impaired bar clientele).
When I don’t want to take a drink I’ve generally had good luck in stopping the patron before they hand me the alcohol, thanking them profusely for the gesture and the offering to introduce them to another audience member that they find attractive so that they can give that person the shot instead. The times that the patron in question has taken me up on that offer has led to some VERY fun interactions. I guess the key there is to make them feel that you’re grateful for their generosity and then to take charge in finding a unique way to help them take the shot or meet somebody.
Failing that, I tell them that I’m also licensed and trained to carry a handgun, and AM NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED to have any alcohol in my body while armed (I usually leave it vague on if I’m currently armed, though in Texas I’m not allowed to be while in a bar...other states may have different laws). This one has never failed to end the discussion of alcohol, though it does sometimes start other discussions (not intended to be the start of a discussion on firearms, just an example of having several prepared answers ready to go for inebriated and impaired bar clientele).
When I don’t want to take a drink I’ve generally had good luck in stopping the patron before they hand me the alcohol, thanking them profusely for the gesture and the offering to introduce them to another audience member that they find attractive so that they can give that person the shot instead. The times that the patron in question has taken me up on that offer has led to some VERY fun interactions. I guess the key there is to make them feel that you’re grateful for their generosity and then to take charge in finding a unique way to help them take the shot or meet somebody.
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It's understandable. I haven't played in a band for years. I can't stand band BS with other members (most of the stuff discussed on this forum).
I have to laugh a bit. Way back in the early 70's when I was in a touring nightclub group, we would typically play 4-set nights, 5-nights a week, 50-weeks a year. As part of our regular routine, during our 10-minute breaks, we would go out and sit at different tables during the night. That way we could meet a lot of people, give them a little bit of I "I know a guy in the band" status, and invariably we would get offered drinks.
4-drinks a night wasn't bad, but we would sometimes play military clubs (NCO clubs, O-clubs, etc.) and they always bought you two drinks at a time primarily because on base, they were cheap and drinking was primarily what they did in their off-time. Whereas 4 drinks a night is fine, 8 drinks a night would get me more than a little buzzed and my playing got sloppy, which drove me nuts.
After a couple of nights, I came up with a solution. First thing I would do would be go to the bar and ask for a non-alcoholic Bloody Mary. Then I would tell the bar tender to please serve me that same thing when anyone else ordered it for me. It was my "usual" and when offered a drink, I'd often say, "just tell the bartender I'd like my usual". And Voila', I'd get a non-alcoholic Bloody Mary (tomato juice with spices and a celery stick); I could still play fine all night; and my kind host would feel magnanimous because he bought me a drink.
This worked well because the music sounded good (no drunks on stage) and the people we met one night would often bring their friends back a couple of times to see us that week and impress them that he knew us. Plus, I got to meet a lot of nice folks doing that.
So no need to be rude, just be prepared. Make the Bloody Mary your drink of choice with a little help from the barkeep. A Tequila Sunrise can also be passed off as real when it's not. A single malt whisky can't and neither can shots. Just don't do shots...
And nice people should be nice enough to realize you don't want their stupid drinks, and not be offended by it.
Obviously the OP bowed out of the thread.
With all of you suggesting the 'work out a deal with the bartender about receiving a "dummy" drink', what happens when said bartender screws up or is on break and you receive a "real" drink?
Wow, my sobriety down the drain because someone else suggested I not be rude. When did it become such a horrible thing not to drink? I can honestly say I'll take a sober jerk over a drunk jerk, nice drunk, happy drunk, violent drunk, or a stupid drunk any day.
I'd love to be in a band, but playing for drunks isn't my thing, being around them isn't my thing, smelling it isn't my thing. So I guess if I was in a band I wouldn't play bars for those reasons. Heaven forbid I wouldn't want to offend anyone by making physically healthy, psychological healthy, family friendly and overall me being a better person decisions.
With all of you suggesting the 'work out a deal with the bartender about receiving a "dummy" drink', what happens when said bartender screws up or is on break and you receive a "real" drink?
Wow, my sobriety down the drain because someone else suggested I not be rude. When did it become such a horrible thing not to drink? I can honestly say I'll take a sober jerk over a drunk jerk, nice drunk, happy drunk, violent drunk, or a stupid drunk any day.
I'd love to be in a band, but playing for drunks isn't my thing, being around them isn't my thing, smelling it isn't my thing. So I guess if I was in a band I wouldn't play bars for those reasons. Heaven forbid I wouldn't want to offend anyone by making physically healthy, psychological healthy, family friendly and overall me being a better person decisions.
I found that as tacky as it may seem, a tip jar is a great way to avoid this sort of thing. I’ve found it fairly easy to explain that a few drinks will greatly alter my ability to play, which they are pay me to do, and if they really want to show their appreciation, some dead presidents in the jar would be awesome. Works really well.
As for drinking on the job, well, if you can do it, more power to you, but for me, I drink sports drink like Propel. Zero calories, not to bad tasting, and prevents a fair amount of cramping, not only at the gig, but also keeps the foot cramps at bay when you are sleeping after the gig.
