I just got done with band practice and I am FUMING. The guitarist, (whom I have another band with, more on that later), was drinking and during a part of a song where I was unsure of the change, became belligerent and refused to show me it. Then he stared at me, looking through me and said "*&%# YOU" for no reason at all and said it several times. By this time, the other band members had stopped playing and everything became uncomfortable. I snapped back and the female lead singer stepped in. I felt highly embarrassed. This is a modern cover band and I was having a lot of fun tonight up until it happened. We have only practiced twice including tonight and were making very good progress with almost 20 songs played decent/well. He asked me as a favor to be the bass player for this band and I agreed, with the stipulation that I will only accept paying gigs. I have another cover band covering different material that I do get paid from, so this would have been my 3rd active band.
I also have a 3 piece original band with this guy, and I've been with them for a year and a half. I really like our music and over the last 6 months, we have been writing some awesome new songs, 2 of which are mine and that I'm really proud of. I've really been able to flourish as a bass player in this band and we are about to go into the studio to record a new album with 8 new songs, including my 2. We practiced yesterday and had a great and productive practice, while he was not drinking. I also REALLY like the drummer, not just cause he's bad ass, but because we have become good, genuine friends. He has also stated that the guitarist is a jerk multiple times for several other reasons not mentioned here, and at one time asked me if I would start a new band with him if he quit.
However, he did the exact same thing to me 3 months ago, not to the drummer, and perhaps never would, but to me. But it was worse. More belligerence, angrier demeanor and didn't give a $#%*. That time I walked out of practice, and he again told me to *&$# off, and to not come back as I was leaving, only to heavily apologize the next day. I guess for whatever reason, we don't mix.
I should also mention that I am newly sober, with 2 weeks of sobriety. He knows this. I am finally getting serious about my life and have no time for this crap and simply cannot be around it. I know that I need to be around positive people who lift me up, not active alcoholics starting static with me while drunk. On the other hand, God knows I've wronged other people as well while drinking, and I think that it takes a man to accept an apology from someone and to not hold a grudge. But, I'm not going to be someone's whipping boy. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?
I'm not going to act yet, and I'm going to sit on it for a while and think about it, but at this point I'm leaning towards quitting both bands. Not to spite him, but to put my efforts into other good, respectful bandmates. I think I'm good enough to find other good bands. I have the 3rd band, which I enjoy so I would not be bandless. I would really miss the original band and I wouldn't be too happy flushing all that hard work down the toilet, but sometimes difficult decisions have to be made I guess.
The only other thing I can think of would be to accept his apology, but to tell him that I would stick around in one or both of the bands, only if he didn't drink at all. One drop and I'm out. He hasn't treated me that way sober before. The thing I would feel most guilty about would be leaving the drummer.
What would you do? Quit the original band or both? Give him another shot provided he no longer drinks? This sucks for a number of reasons.
I'm going to try to go to bed now, I'll respond to stuff tomorrow.
I also have a 3 piece original band with this guy, and I've been with them for a year and a half. I really like our music and over the last 6 months, we have been writing some awesome new songs, 2 of which are mine and that I'm really proud of. I've really been able to flourish as a bass player in this band and we are about to go into the studio to record a new album with 8 new songs, including my 2. We practiced yesterday and had a great and productive practice, while he was not drinking. I also REALLY like the drummer, not just cause he's bad ass, but because we have become good, genuine friends. He has also stated that the guitarist is a jerk multiple times for several other reasons not mentioned here, and at one time asked me if I would start a new band with him if he quit.
However, he did the exact same thing to me 3 months ago, not to the drummer, and perhaps never would, but to me. But it was worse. More belligerence, angrier demeanor and didn't give a $#%*. That time I walked out of practice, and he again told me to *&$# off, and to not come back as I was leaving, only to heavily apologize the next day. I guess for whatever reason, we don't mix.
I should also mention that I am newly sober, with 2 weeks of sobriety. He knows this. I am finally getting serious about my life and have no time for this crap and simply cannot be around it. I know that I need to be around positive people who lift me up, not active alcoholics starting static with me while drunk. On the other hand, God knows I've wronged other people as well while drinking, and I think that it takes a man to accept an apology from someone and to not hold a grudge. But, I'm not going to be someone's whipping boy. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?
I'm not going to act yet, and I'm going to sit on it for a while and think about it, but at this point I'm leaning towards quitting both bands. Not to spite him, but to put my efforts into other good, respectful bandmates. I think I'm good enough to find other good bands. I have the 3rd band, which I enjoy so I would not be bandless. I would really miss the original band and I wouldn't be too happy flushing all that hard work down the toilet, but sometimes difficult decisions have to be made I guess.
The only other thing I can think of would be to accept his apology, but to tell him that I would stick around in one or both of the bands, only if he didn't drink at all. One drop and I'm out. He hasn't treated me that way sober before. The thing I would feel most guilty about would be leaving the drummer.
What would you do? Quit the original band or both? Give him another shot provided he no longer drinks? This sucks for a number of reasons.
I'm going to try to go to bed now, I'll respond to stuff tomorrow.
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sure ... you would have quit The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and just about every band that ever hit the charts. But I applaud your high standards.
