Smoothest process for leaving a band

[Bighouse]

Honestly, no matter what the occupation/job/project is you’re working on, never burn bridges. Sometimes those bridges are useful in future endeavors or in making strong connections to others who may remain with the band.

So I say tell them now. Let them prepare for the eventuality and no members will have any reason to say bad things about the way you departed in the future.

 

[Pdaddy1978]

If you feel inclined to give them your 2 months notice, good on you.
In my band experience, that kind of amicable departure was exceedingly rare.
The rage quit method was way more common.
As was the game of rock paper scissors between other members to decide who was gonna tell them they were out.

 

[scuzzy]

 

[Jeff Hughes]

Tell them sooner than later. You could also leave it open-ended and just say: "I might have to scale back" or "I might not be available" so "it might be a good idea to find a replacement or sub." This way you leave it open in case you change your mind in November.

I used to play in a corporate/wedding band with rotating members. People would "quit" the band even though they were able to decline or accept any gig they wanted. I never understood why people would resign or announce their intentions Michael Scott bankruptcy style.

Four groups is a lot though.

 

[Five or Six]

What gidbass said is about it. Any decent bass player can be up to speed pretty quick. Do it in person, not by freakin text!

 

[coyote1]

'I will be leaving; I will be available to play the scheduled gigs as agreed if you want.'

Where’s the fun in that?

Seriously though, that’s the honorable and professional way to do it. And if they ask and OP feels like elaborating, there’s nothing wrong with “my life situation has changed a bit, and I’m unable at this time to devote the attention and energy that your project deserves going forward”.

 

[Deleted member 394181]

My problem was the opposite. They told me to not bother being in the band anymore.

 

[Ancientangler]

I’m currently in four projects which has become too many. The band I’m intending to leave after over ten years has gigs in July and October, which I plan to play since I committed to them.

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I’m on good terms with the members. They won’t be happy but it’s a very good band that I think would attract interest from good bassists. I’m leaning toward the first option but might be missing something.

Thoughts appreciated, especially from folks who have dealt with this in the pas

I’m currently in four projects which has become too many. The band I’m intending to leave after over ten years has gigs in July and October, which I plan to play since I committed to them.

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I’m on good terms with the members. They won’t be happy but it’s a very good band that I think would attract interest from good bassists. I’m leaning toward the first option but might be missing something.

Thoughts appreciated, especially from folks who have dealt with this in the past.

Last time I left a band, it was on good terms and I offered to help them find a replacement, which took some of the weight off their shoulders. I did this in a unique way which worked nicely: I placed a Craigslist ad with the headline "I need to replace myself". It definitely got responses! I filtered out the idiots and found them one candidate, and word of mouth produced two others. I don't recall which bassist they picked, but it worked out well.

 

[bigdaddybass12]

Pretty much. Tell them this is your last year and you won't be available after the gigs in October. You'll do everything you've committed to, unless they find someone else before that and want you to step aside sooner.

This is good!

 

[jutty17]

Talk it over now, honesty is always the best policy. Also, the bridge you don't burn today is the path you're potentially able to follow tomorrow.

 

[Hurricane Jimmie]

So Anyway, I'd tell them now that I was no longer available as a regular member. No rehearsals, etc. Having made that clear, I'd treat them like any other band who wanted to hire me as a sub.

They should have time to find someone else for the July/Oct. gigs.

Good Luck with your decision.

 

[Thunderthumbs73]

I’m currently in four projects which has become too many. The band I’m intending to leave after over ten years has gigs in July and October, which I plan to play since I committed to them.

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I’m on good terms with the members. They won’t be happy but it’s a very good band that I think would attract interest from good bassists. I’m leaning toward the first option but might be missing something.

Thoughts appreciated, especially from folks who have dealt with this in the past.

Dealt with it. Done it. I think IF the other band know you're doing three other things, they MUST (or should) understand that SOMETHING must go and your level of activity or being spread this thin is unsustainable, or simply that it would be reasonable for you to voluntarily choose to not keep on doing it into the future with no end in sight.

You can intend and plan on doing a LOT of things between now and October. I'd let the issue ride and not say anything until after the October gig IF you still feel the same way eighth months later. You're not shafting them for 3 reasons:
1.) You're giving fair notice for them to have almost 4 months to find a replacement.
2.) You say it's a very good band and a desirable position.
3.) You can say they don't find the right bassist in 4 months (!), you can play on a provisional "gig-by-gig basis" for a gig or two to further ease transition.

Good luck with it.

 

[dave64o]

If I was certain I was leaving after the October gigs, I would tell them as soon as I made that decision rather than wait until the October gigs are done. And I’d do it that way even if I didn’t have a good relationship with them because that’s just how I choose to operate.

Plus, it seems like local musician communities are pretty tight knit so everybody knows everybody and word gets around. So I’d want to make sure I “did it right” and gave them as much opportunity as I could to find a replacement.

 

[pepj]

4 outfits is tricky.
I have one whereby the BL is bigging up the whole deal. I've been round the block and heard it all before...however, he does seem to have connections. How substantial they are is the question and tbh, I haven't got the inclination to find out.
The band in question is a studio band but I have huge reservations on live work with them
To this end, they are my 3rd choice priority..maybe I'd bump a gig with my 2nd band for a very very good reason, but otherwise, if I'm booked with my main band... I am not going to do marginal 'tour' dates.

So 4 bands is hard to manage if they are all gigging bands, imv

 

[Fuzzbass]

I’m currently in four projects which has become too many. The band I’m intending to leave after over ten years has gigs in July and October, which I plan to play since I committed to them.

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I’m on good terms with the members. They won’t be happy but it’s a very good band that I think would attract interest from good bassists. I’m leaning toward the first option but might be missing something.

Thoughts appreciated, especially from folks who have dealt with this in the past.

As many others have said: if you're certain, then tell them NOW.

It's an advantage that you're juggling multiple projects. It gives you a good context for leaving with minimal drama, assuming your bandmates already know that you're such a busy bassist.

A cautious approach would be something like "Hey all, I've become way too busy with "real life" as well my hobby, so I need to cut back on my hobby. It's been great working with you all, but I am sad to say that I no longer have the time to give this band the attention you deserve. I'm telling you now so you have plenty of time to find a replacement, and I'll help you get the replacement up to speed if necessary. I'll play your currently booked gigs if you still happen to need me, but won't be available for rehearsals or new gigs. You're a talented band with gigs on the calendar, so I'm sure you'll find a good replacement soon".

If they push back about your other projects, maybe say that you have to make some tough decisions with them as well. You don't need to go into any detail, that's your business.


I also juggle multiple projects -- and so do nearly all of my bandmates in those projects. Each BL has his A team, and usually alternates/subs for when A team members are unavailable. In these cases it's easy to bow out of a project: you just make yourself unavailable, politely declining gigs, and eventually the BL will stop asking, with no hard feelings (note: these bands rarely rehearse; new songs are learned via homework). But that's for future reference. You've made it clear that your band is not like this, which is why I offered the polite approach.

 

[MCS4]

Tell them now and leave it up to them whether they want you to handle the gigs you are already committed to or if they want to bring in someone else.

 

[Vitrius Humor]

After 10 years? You KNOW you need to tell them ASAP! Please at least show them the love you have for them by doing that!

 

[Carl Hillman]

I’m currently in four projects which has become too many. The band I’m intending to leave after over ten years has gigs in July and October, which I plan to play since I committed to them.

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I’m on good terms with the members. They won’t be happy but it’s a very good band that I think would attract interest from good bassists. I’m leaning toward the first option but might be missing something.

Thoughts appreciated, especially from folks who have dealt with this in the past.

Give them notice and tell them you'll play any/all gigs that are now booked. And, don't get bent out of shape if they want to get a new player in, up to speed, and playing those gigs.

 

[Stephen DeBoard]

In this position, would you inform the group now that you’re planning to leave in October? This would give them lead time to find a new bassist but it could be a bit awkward. Or would you make a clean break after the gigs? They won’t be scheduling gigs after October since the guitarist snowbirds until spring.

I wouldn't tell them until the gigs in October. A lot can happen between now and then and you could change your mind about which projects you really want to be involved with. The fact that they take almost a half year break gives you a golden opportunity. I would continue to play and keep the relationships alive and well as long as possible. I would most likely want to tell them when there are 2 or 3 gigs left before their winter break.

 

[Bighouse]

My problem was the opposite. They told me to not bother being in the band anymore.

You should have shown up anyway to the following rehearsals and set up.