Thinking about quitting!

[60bass]

Every single project I have gotten involved in since about 2016 has fallen apart due to…

lack of commitment from members
Inexperienced players
Clashing attitudes
Or all 3 if convenient!

I have gone through drummers that hit so light he had to mic his kit just in a basement setting

a keyboard player that just started playing that apparently knew everything about every instrument and how to run a band. Now she is a tax expert in one year!!!

a guitarist that wanted to use his looper pedal to record his solos and play them back live and just do his rhythms and get mad at the rest of us for not being at the right spot when he hits his playback button

we found a great guitarist and had 2 sets down in 2 practices when he let us know that he sold his house and was moving away

And this latest one! The new guitarist is a music teacher and has a habit to do songs in different keys and change the progressions while at the same time slowing it down considerably. Think Higher Ground at the same tempo as say Can’t You See and change it to Am and not follow the progression but make up his own! Today he mentioned that he is going to also seek out other musicians to play with. He was upfront so not a big deal to me. Lots of people have several projects on the go at the same time. But then the drummer that has to have all the songs in the same order as a set list flipped the other day because a song was out of order. Well he quit today because he got mad at what the guitarist said!

mall this plus stress at work because I do piece work and my expenses are up and profits are down!

I am just about ready to just quit and sell everything! This relaxing thing called music is stressing me out too much! Plus I get no sympathy or support from my wife, she just says that she don’t want to hear me talk about it!!!!

I don’t know! Am I alone or are there others like me lol?

Sounds to me like you need to take a break for sure. And I wouldn't feel bad about it because it has happened to all of us at one time or another.

My situation was very very similar to yours with one big exception. It was a roadband playing clubs and we were extensively booked all the time. If we had a member who couldn't cut it or one who left we had to rehire someone right away. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times we got incompetent people and had to make do with them. Especially drummers.

In fact, I was so completely burned out on music in general and dealing with musicians and their problems all of which are what you listed here that I threw my bass in my case, stuffed it under my bed, and honestly didn't even take it out and look at it for almost a year.

It definitely sounds like you need to do the same thing I don't know if you want to do something as extreme as I did but you definitely need some time off and away from the hassle and stress. I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do, but please remember this. Being a musician and having the talent to create beautiful music is something that you should never completely let go of.

That year that I never even looked at my instrument was tough. However that said, when I finally did slide that case out from under the bed and open the lid and look inside all the happiness I had originally felt about being a musician and making quality music and the memories of what I had done to date came flooding back. It was a feeling that even to this day I can't really describe. I could see every little spot ding nick and scratch on my bass and I could remember how they all happened. I grabbed my bass and I played it non-stop for an hour and man did I suck. Took me about 3 months of steady playing a little bit each day to get my chops back up LOL.
That was back during the mid 80s and I have played on and off ever since. What made it even better was that since I was no longer relying on music as my job I wasn't forced to have to jump in and play with who ever I could grab. I actually could pick and choose who I wanted to play with. A good bass player will always find work.

I wish you well.

 

[Rumble Thunder]

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

 

[Jogobass]

I quit for about 15 years. started again 2 years ago. Worst decision ever. I'm still haunted by thoughts about what could have happened and how far I would have made it as a bassplayer had I continued. Mental illness is a b*tch

 

[Marko 1]

After a while of not playing because it was frowned upon by my spouse I stopped missing it. You will find something that peaks your interest. Now instead of playing I watch The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars with the wife.

I get the psychology, but we don't need to literally scare him into trying again.

 

[Thebiggestjerk]

At least your 52y/o wife isn’t a BTS fangirl.

 

[MasterG]

It's not unusual for the singer's strength to drive a band's repertoire. Any chance you guys could find tunes better suited to her voice.

I don't know of any tunes that would go over in the local bars and clubs around here that feature Minnie Mouse singing classic rock and pop songs.

 

[Egg250]

I'm a relative newcomer. I played a bit in high school, took 30 years off and am now back.

First band was a bit lackluster. I've posted about it a bit, husband guitarist and wife singer. He didn't play so well and she sang worse. I was certainly not the talent in the group but I was progressing, as was the drummer, hubby and wife not so much. It was a good entry because I learned what I wasn't looking for and was able to get my chops up.

Second band, was a bit better. But, I learned first hand about the flakiness of some musicians. I learned more about sound with these guys. We were in need of a drummer and quickly settled on a guy who had played with them in the past and was a known flake. He did not disappoint. Honed my singing and playing here.

Third band: me and the drummer from the first formed our own thing, found a semi-pro guitarist. We have really lucked out. None of us want to be the weak link. We give and receive constructive criticism and are honest with each other. We realize the band is a hobby that, hopefully, will pay for itself instead of being a financial drain. We accept that each of us have day jobs and families and the band does not come first.

Fourth band: I'm still working with the third band, but I'm in a similar group of professionally minded musicians. The band leader has a sign in his home studio, "leave your ego at the door". He's got a different method for rehearsals, but the mutual respect is there.

What I'm saying is, if/as you look for future band mates, be very selective. Skills can be improved, as long as the musician is willing to put in the effort. It should be readily apparent if they are willing. Personality, ego, flakiness, substance abuse, communication skills, goals (personal and professional musical goals should be discussed) should all be assessed. Compromises at the skill level can be made, compromises that are personality related should not be even considered. Most of us aren't going to change. A personality conflict can't simply be overlooked. You don't want to get 12 months into a project where everything is going great and the ego driven guitarist suddenly decides he can't put up with (insert whatever ******** you can imagine here) and quits. You struggle finding a replacement and the project dies.

Good luck with your future endeavors.

 

[Chris Laarman]

This thread keeps bringing back memories...

I became friends with a returning visitor of those trad. jazz sessions, nearly a generation my senior, and his family. Son #2 was a good drummer, though "spinach style". Son #1 was picking up bass guitar, and I was to teach him some music theory. (Regardless of me, he quickly became an accomplished fretless bassist, but may have changed to pedal steel.)
Through this family I also became acquainted with a couple (my age) seeking a living in country music (I mean the Nashville type). He'd play lead guitar (a Strat, I seem to remember), she'd sing. Funny couple: they always seemed to have three opinions between them.
At one time, I was to join the couple and those numbered sons in a country band. I think I was to play rhythm guitar on my 12-string. I remember rehearsing at the couple's apartment, the drummer using some stand-in gear. There may have been a second time. However, this guitarist would set his amp full power, play both lead and airtight fills, blocking anything audible in the rhythm section, and preventing his wife from even trying to sing. Yet another aborted try for them.
That singer impressed me by her make-up: by the time she spent on it, but also by the mixer. Hubbie always was in charge of everything, so he would set up the sound at gigs. However, I once saw her sneak up to the mixer and alter his careful settings of the vocals channel: an overdose of reverb (I think) to hide imperfections in her pronunciation. Audio make-up!

 

[Smallmouth_Bass]

Take a break from bands, but keep on playing music. Learn some songs you've always want to play and work on your own playing skills.

Go to a jam night in your area and just watch a couple of times. See what's happening and learn a few tunes you see people jamming regularly, then go up and play yourself. You may make connections with like minded and appropriately skilled people.

The two bands I am currently in come from connections I make at a local jam night. One directly and another indirectly.

 

[Chris Laarman]

I don't know of any tunes that would go over in the local bars and clubs around here that feature Minnie Mouse singing classic rock and pop songs.

The combination could be a unique selling point. Transposing songs might be another option. And I could think of (not your "classic") songs like "Dirty old man" and songs performed by Kate Bush or Yes. (I would appreciate Yes much more if Jon would have sung an octave lower. Or if a woman had sung with Yes.)

 

[mr80htz]

Does adulthood makes us wiser, more tolerant, more inclined to seek the common best? (If so, it may be experiences rather than hormones.)

Yes...or makes people dig into their personalities making their perspective an unmovable object

 

[Chris Laarman]

Yes...or makes people dig into their personalities making their perspective an unmovable object

Note to self: don't mention politics.

;-)

 

[J Wilson]

Been there, done that, got the merit badge for it (WTH, I got so put out with it all I sold everything and walked away or two years . . . ).

My recommendation would be to stop everything musical, put everything away, and go fishing or ANYTHING hobby-ish that has NOTHING to do with music.

After a while, if you think, 'gee, I'd like to get back to it IF I could assemble the right people around me', then you'll know where you are. Or, if at that time you think 'Oh no, I don't want to stick my head back in that wood chipper', then I'd continue my sabbatical until such time as the former happens, or the latter becomes permanent.

I can also advise that in my case, I stayed at it way past any point of success or enjoyment. At least when I did walk away, I was past well-done and have never looked back.

 

[P. Aaron]

Every single project I have gotten involved in since about 2016 has fallen apart due to…

lack of commitment from members
Inexperienced players
Clashing attitudes
Or all 3 if convenient!


I am just about ready to just quit and sell everything! This relaxing thing called music is stressing me out too much! Plus I get no sympathy or support from my wife, she just says that she don’t want to hear me talk about it!!!!

I don’t know! Am I alone or are there others like me lol?

I'm in a working band and I can't tell you the amount of HUMANS you have to put up with. The closer they are to you, the quicker they hit ya. (to paraphrase GBV lyrics)

Regardless of one's age, it is difficult to keep several young people and especially adults with adult commitments that thru music try to have some kind of hangout with other people not on their heavy commitment list. Until/unless the band gels and gets good. Then there's another commitment.

It takes WORK to form and keep a band together. Throw in the business end and that yields a whole 'nother batch of considerations and demands upon adults' time.

It's ok to unconditionally love music. Just don't make the mistake of ever thinking it can, especially the business end of it, love you back.

It also helps if you develop solid playing skills while in these weeds. Have an up-to-date BS detector is mandatory.

Like others have stated, step back from it just a bit but, go audition, jam, and hang out with musician friends and expect nothing from it and see if anything evolves.

 

[Koshchei]

Every single project I have gotten involved in since about 2016 has fallen apart due to…

lack of commitment from members
Inexperienced players
Clashing attitudes
Or all 3 if convenient!

I have gone through drummers that hit so light he had to mic his kit just in a basement setting

a keyboard player that just started playing that apparently knew everything about every instrument and how to run a band. Now she is a tax expert in one year!!!

a guitarist that wanted to use his looper pedal to record his solos and play them back live and just do his rhythms and get mad at the rest of us for not being at the right spot when he hits his playback button

we found a great guitarist and had 2 sets down in 2 practices when he let us know that he sold his house and was moving away

And this latest one! The new guitarist is a music teacher and has a habit to do songs in different keys and change the progressions while at the same time slowing it down considerably. Think Higher Ground at the same tempo as say Can’t You See and change it to Am and not follow the progression but make up his own! Today he mentioned that he is going to also seek out other musicians to play with. He was upfront so not a big deal to me. Lots of people have several projects on the go at the same time. But then the drummer that has to have all the songs in the same order as a set list flipped the other day because a song was out of order. Well he quit today because he got mad at what the guitarist said!

mall this plus stress at work because I do piece work and my expenses are up and profits are down!

I am just about ready to just quit and sell everything! This relaxing thing called music is stressing me out too much! Plus I get no sympathy or support from my wife, she just says that she don’t want to hear me talk about it!!!!

I don’t know! Am I alone or are there others like me lol?

Probably better to call it on the band thing for a while. Host blues jams with friends for a bit and just play for the enjoyment of it.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

Already on a Beta Blocker! I cant go above 80BPM no matter how hard I try lol

I was on beta blockers , and you are spot on. The old ticker can’t keep up with demand. Just isn’t there.

My doc at the time gave me an Rx for a ludicrous dosage of lisinopril. In 6 months I put on about 20lbs of fluid evidenced by significant leg edema, not to mention a dry hacking cough of which he blamed on asthma of which I never had that issue before in my entire life to that point. When he refused to give me an alternative, I fired him.

When I told my new doctor about my dosage he said “That’s a wonderful dosage … If you’re 85!” And I just hit age 50.

Best wishes.

 

[mr80htz]

Note to self: don't mention politics.

;-)

Not just politics. There's been studies on this stuff, specifically noting that after the age of 30 most people tend to not try new things and stick to what they like...including their personality and way of being. Choice of hair cut, music likes, food preferences, yadda yadda.

 

[BigJohnAZ]

My brother and me, and 2 friends had a garage band in the late 70s. Never hit anywhere, but we had a lot of fun. Fast forward 40 years and I'm now in AZ and he resurrects the band with one of the 2 friends, adds a bass player, 2nd guitarist (his wife's cousin) and they actually were playing nice gigs, were selling merch, doing what we wished we could have back in the day.

He was the drummer and BL with our buddy, rehearsals at his house, mostly. My brother was a pro, knew the songs cold, and is a great self taught drummer. He did promotion with one of his daughters, and was the contract for the booking agents around town.

I also got to hear about all the band issues, like the lead singer couldn't memorize lyrics, no stage presence, sick a lot. The bass player was self proclaimed king of fills, overplaying all the time, and proud of it. Yadda Yadda...

No, I never got to play out except once, and loved it. But, as a bedroom player, I sure am happy I never had to wade through that crap. There are more stories, but nothing no one hasn't heard before.

I have fun learning songs, theory, and have no stress with my music. If it ain't fun, why do it, unless it's your only source of income. Life's too short.

 

[Ewo]

Finding sympatico bandmates is kinda like looking for a unicorn, y'know? It's fantastic when you find them...and most likely a fairly rare experience. But it's one that's worth chasing, I figure.

What it comes down to is a matter of finding people who (1) have personalities and a work ethic you feel comfortable with, (2) have sufficient musical chops to inspire you (especially the ability to hear what everybody in the band is playing at any given moment and to respond to it), (3) share an artistic goal with you, and (4) have music biz aspirations congruent with yours.

Yeah, IME it's rare that you find that combo...or even close to that. It's a blessing when you do.

 

[Btbp]

I was on beta blockers , and you are spot on. The old ticker can’t keep up with demand. Just isn’t there.

My doc at the time gave me an Rx for a ludicrous dosage of lisinopril. In 6 months I put on about 20lbs of fluid evidenced by significant leg edema, not to mention a dry hacking cough of which he blamed on asthma of which I never had that issue before in my entire life to that point. When he refused to give me an alternative, I fired him.

When I told my new doctor about my dosage he said “That’s a wonderful dosage … If you’re 85!” And I just hit age 50.

Best wishes.

Interesting, I was prescribed them over 15 years more for headaches based on tension, mostly muscular, and I don't have any heart issues. I only take them occasionally.

I call them my "anti-piss off pills" - they make me either a little less guarded or less agitated, or a little more personable (most people misread my reserved-ness as something else, but that's mostly on me) or all of the above.

The BBs work in a very subtle way. I don't get stage fright but sometimes I take them before playing to take an edge off.