Aren't intraband relationships and affairs one way a band breaks up or members leave? Maybe you can arrange a date between the drummer and the new singer.
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Thinking about quitting!
- Thread starter Hevy T
- Start date
What? No more Redhead video posts or stories? They’ll be missed. The west coast is a big place but if you come to town let me know, I always love to meet rock stars.
Yup. That sucks. Maybe make 'being laid back and can go with the flow' a new member requirement. Definitely take some time off. My dad always said, "Use the gig. Don't let the gig use you". Your experience is sucking the fun out of music and that isn't what it should be about...unless you are a professional and you have to take work that isn't always fun. Honestly though...artists in general, including musicians, are rough personalities. There are good eggs out there, dude. Keep searching.
Important to listen to the orcas, if you make them mad they'll sink your boat.
First of all, without a common vision, a band is going nowhere. The way only one member’s vision guides the entire band, other than through the consent of the rest of the band, is if that person is bankrolling and booking the band. And be sure to demand your money up front. Otherwise, building a band rivals only smoking in the bathroom between classes as a waste of time.
Take a break, maybe do some subbing. Band drama is no fun. I don't get why grown adults cannot act like grown adults.
Does adulthood makes us wiser, more tolerant, more inclined to seek the common best? (If so, it may be experiences rather than hormones.)
I remember reading about pop groups in school, some fifty years ago. We were outraged that Eric Burdon had replaced the Animals collective by the hired New Animals, and that Ian Anderson had Jethro Tull employed. (Remember: in those days the Netherlands were rather left-wing to even our own standards. We would be beyond the left horizon by current American views.)
You’re let’n them folks have free rent between your ears. It’s ok…we all do it. Ask yourself 2 questions:
1. Do I love play’n bass? (I think I know the answer)
2. Do I love it enough to be ok play’n with folks who don’t meet my expectations? No right/wrong answer. My experience with anything in life is the higher my expectations the lower my serenity.
1. Do I love play’n bass? (I think I know the answer)
2. Do I love it enough to be ok play’n with folks who don’t meet my expectations? No right/wrong answer. My experience with anything in life is the higher my expectations the lower my serenity.
Went through a spell of 5 years out here dealing with situations like that. Resolved myself to playing at home. Joined a couple Facebook groups and responded to sub gigs. I've met some solid folks that way now. And I've had a gig every week due the last three months just subbing. Kinda nice just getting sent a setlist and showing up to play.
I'm not quite out yet. I'm playing four gigs in October, probably a few more in November. Dec 31, if necessary, but I told them that was gonna be it. I don't think I'm going to stop playing, I just want to play a little less (never thought I'd say that out loud!). PS: Excuse me for being a stickler, but the business card says Pretend Rock Star.
Every band I’ve been in since 1970 eventually cratered for reasons all to common to be worth listing. But it usually came down to either too much too soon, or too little, too long.
So it goes.
Sometimes you need to take a breather. I went for about five years without playing at all towards the end of the 80s and them came back fully refreshed. And I’m still going. Largely because my attitude about things changed during my hiatus. I stopped caring too much about whether or not some band ultimately gelled as long as I could keep playing.
The problem with bands is that most bandmates are far more into the imagined lifestyle rather than the actual life of a musician. A genuine musician is dedicated to the art and craft of music creation and performance. The wannabe musicians are into the perks. And when they’re not forthcoming, their commitment evaporates.
So it goes.
Sometimes you need to take a breather. I went for about five years without playing at all towards the end of the 80s and them came back fully refreshed. And I’m still going. Largely because my attitude about things changed during my hiatus. I stopped caring too much about whether or not some band ultimately gelled as long as I could keep playing.
The problem with bands is that most bandmates are far more into the imagined lifestyle rather than the actual life of a musician. A genuine musician is dedicated to the art and craft of music creation and performance. The wannabe musicians are into the perks. And when they’re not forthcoming, their commitment evaporates.
I was a gigging bass player for quite a while. When Covid rolled around, I started playing more electric guitar. It became really refreshing to have a music outlet that was just for me and didn’t rely on other people. Or that I even cared to share with anyone. I play bass in a casual dad band now, but I still carry that outlook with me and electric guitar is still my primary focus. I’ll say coordinating with other people can be a real PITA sometimes!
Hevy T---what is your best hope? What do you ideally want to get out of your playing and your bands? What would be a 0/0? What would be a perfect 10? Where would you say you are right now? If it went up by one how would you know? And if it went down by one what would that look like? That's right. I'm a professional psychotherapist. These are the basic questions for finding solutions instead of focusing on problems.
I’m looking at 33 gigs this year and hoping for about the same next year. My band is alot of fun and we click really well. It is work and takes commitment but it’s worth it. When this band falls apart (key players moving away at some point) I doubt I’ll find another situation that works this well. I can hope, but that makes me cherish what I have all the more.
- Mar 19, 2013
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- If only I were that good....
My idea…take a break, but only to do your homework if you really want to play out live.
Do you have open mics/jams in your area? Perhaps you could go scout people a few times during your break, really focus on if you find others playing tunes you’d be into playing and in the same vein. If there are music teachers, ask them as well if they have anyone they’d recommend. All about learning what’s out there.
seriously…. Take a break to figure out what you want and then do the work. What are they gonna say, “No” ? I’m betting that won’t break your spirit.
Do you have open mics/jams in your area? Perhaps you could go scout people a few times during your break, really focus on if you find others playing tunes you’d be into playing and in the same vein. If there are music teachers, ask them as well if they have anyone they’d recommend. All about learning what’s out there.
seriously…. Take a break to figure out what you want and then do the work. What are they gonna say, “No” ? I’m betting that won’t break your spirit.
There's a really cool trick for finding musicians who have their act together:
seek bands with a track record of successfully gigging , who need a new bass player.
It doesn't guarantee flake free or issue free
But it will eliminate those who are cripplingly so
seek bands with a track record of successfully gigging , who need a new bass player.
It doesn't guarantee flake free or issue free
But it will eliminate those who are cripplingly so
