• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

What causes people to get divorced?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deleted member 79588
  • Start date Start date
#186
edpal said:
But it is harder than ever for one person to afford a decent place and utilities - you end up eating cat/dog food 4 times a week. Housing eats up a bigger percentage of one's income than any time in the past.

Everybody should be changing constantly. People who don't change are usually angry,envious and resentful of people who DO change. Couple should talk about the changes they hope to make 1 week, month, year, decade and lifetime out. You are being changed by time - some people don't figure out how to do that gracefully and are real jackholes due to trying to look/act young.
Click to expand...

For low income, housing can be expensive but for anyone with more than really low income who's single and doesn't need to support any kids, housing isn't too expensive unless they live in a really high-priced area, are trying to impress others, buy more than they need, etc. It's not housing that's expensive, it's the rest of life and NOT watching their expenses that causes most financial problems. People are far too willing to go into debt because "everyone else is doing it". If someone can't swing a single family house and wants to own, they can always buy a duplex and occupy one of the units. They have the option of choosing the best renter(s), have more rights as a property owner than someone who rents all of the units and the tax benefits are great. Also, someone else pays for a lot of the mortgage, property tax, maintenance costs. The property owner still assumes the risk, but it can definitely be a way toward better financial health if they pay attention.

Most people can change, some just can't. Some don't deal with change well, at all- habits are one thing but the need for everything to remain constant is an emotional problem.
 
#187
fhm555 said:
According to the experts, the most common cause of divorce is money issues.

I personally think it's selfishness, boredom, and infidelity in that order. I also think a lot of folks doing it for these 3 reasons blame it on money issues because it's less personally revealing and easier to publically fight over money.
Click to expand...

I know someone whose wife came to him one day and said "We need to talk". The first comment she made was "You don't make enough money". They were doing fine- he paid the major expenses and she paid for what the kids needed. She insisted that they pay no deductible in their health insurance and he just couldn't get her to understand that the cost of a higher deductible is offset by lower premium, so the annual cost can be the same, or less- especially in a year with fewer medical treatments. She makes more than he does, but he didn't spend money foolishly and they both contributed to their retirement account(s). They all have bad problems with allergies, one of the kids has had emptional problems and she has Crone's Disease. She filed and when the financial arrangement was revealed, based on income and property division, she ended up paying him. Then, she told him that HE'S greedy, for accepting the arrangement.

OTOH, he told me a couple of years before they split up that they didn't talk much. THAT'S the real problem- lack of communication.
 
#188
1958Bassman said:
I know someone whose wife came to him one day and said "We need to talk". The first comment she made was "You don't make enough money". They were doing fine- he paid the major expenses and she paid for what the kids needed. She insisted that they pay no deductible in their health insurance and he just couldn't get her to understand that the cost of a higher deductible is offset by lower premium, so the annual cost can be the same, or less- especially in a year with fewer medical treatments. She makes more than he does, but he didn't spend money foolishly and they both contributed to their retirement account(s). They all have bad problems with allergies, one of the kids has had emptional problems and she has Crone's Disease. She filed and when the financial arrangement was revealed, based on income and property division, she ended up paying him. Then, she told him that HE'S greedy, for accepting the arrangement.

OTOH, he told me a couple of years before they split up that they didn't talk much. THAT'S the real problem- lack of communication.
Click to expand...

:facepalm: My advice to anyone who might ask me about marriage or divorce is simply not to marry. A commitment between two people should be about love and desire. If at any time those things fade, it's time to move on. Without resentment. Jmo.
 
#192
I've been married 32 years. We "practiced" for 4 before getting married. My wife knew she was getting a musician from the moment we met. We've seen it all from friends and family around us.

Chief causes of divorce:

Money trouble: Avoid going into deep debt.

Infidelity: Save it for each other.

Children/Teenager trouble: Kids can bring untold blessings or misery. Be united in their upbringing

In Laws: Best policy is to have respect for them, but also distance.

Domestic violence: Just don't ever hit your wife/husband. Verbally or emotionally either.

Lack of mutual interests: Opposites may attract, but may not have staying power.

Growing apart: As years go by, try to grow in the same direction with new interests.

Control: One spouse cannot control the other. Mutual respect for individuality is needed.

There are many more. These seem to be the biggies.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 4StringAxe
#194
1958Bassman said:
I know someone whose wife came to him one day and said "We need to talk". The first comment she made was "You don't make enough money". They were doing fine- he paid the major expenses and she paid for what the kids needed. She insisted that they pay no deductible in their health insurance and he just couldn't get her to understand that the cost of a higher deductible is offset by lower premium, so the annual cost can be the same, or less- especially in a year with fewer medical treatments. She makes more than he does, but he didn't spend money foolishly and they both contributed to their retirement account(s). They all have bad problems with allergies, one of the kids has had emptional problems and she has Crone's Disease. She filed and when the financial arrangement was revealed, based on income and property division, she ended up paying him. Then, she told him that HE'S greedy, for accepting the arrangement.

OTOH, he told me a couple of years before they split up that they didn't talk much. THAT'S the real problem- lack of communication.
Click to expand...
I'd be willing to bet that at the time she had financial grievances, she had lined up another man whom she thought would be there with the ring when the divorce became final.
Said replacement had more disposable income.
Clearly he failed to meet her post divorce expectations.
 
#197
edpal said:
I read an article lately that indicated many women, and men, felt different about each other's "scent" after the women went on or off "the pill". Is it possible the pill has influenced divorce rates in some odd fashion?
Click to expand...

I read something that says the reason people get divorced after the woman quits taking the pill is because using it "tricks" their body into thinking it is pregnant so they look for a caregiver instead of a mate. Then when they stop taking the pill and their body wants a big, strong, masculine mate with which to breed instead of a companion to help during pregnancy, their current lover no longer fits the bill.

Just something I read online. Made enough sense for me.
 
#198
bassinplace said:
:facepalm: My advice to anyone who might ask me about marriage or divorce is simply not to marry. A commitment between two people should be about love and desire. If at any time those things fade, it's time to move on. Without resentment. Jmo.
Click to expand...

I was on a weekend getaway with a bunch of friends and as we were hanging out around the fire, the topic of marriage and relationships came up. I was one of the only single people there and at one point, I said that I think the people in a relationship had better like each other because, once the shine wears off/passion decreases a bit, they won't have much to say to each other. I was told that I'm full of shyte, by one of the others who was single. He got married, but I think I've only seen her once in the 6 years since. She didn't seem repulsed by me, so it can't be that. He said she doesn't like crowds but I haven't even seen her at their house.

Not my problem.
 
#199
1958Bassman said:
. . . I said that I think the people in a relationship had better like each other because, once the shine wears off/passion decreases a bit, they won't have much to say to each other. I was told that I'm full of shyte, by one of the others who was single.
Click to expand...
If the word because was replaced with otherwise I'd totally agree with you. I think that's what you meant when you said "had better". Basically both men and women shouldn't be thinking with just the little head.;)
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back