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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#285
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.

Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.

Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin.

Yo mama's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.

Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.

Yo mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."

Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
 
#288
soulgeezer said:
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.

Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.

Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin.

Yo mama's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.

Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.

Yo mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."

Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Click to expand...

Yo mama's so stupid when Daddy said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon.

Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

OK, that's it. I've got nothing else to offer.
 
#289
a blonde and a brunette are watching the news, a story comes on about a person on a building jumping off, the blonde looks at the brunette and says, "i bet you a $1000 she won't jump". the brunette agrees and finally the women jumped and teh brunette says, " haha i watched that this morning"

then the blonde says:

"damn it, i watched that this morning to, never thought she would do it twice"
 
#291
A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors)
decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced
long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
GM very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the
reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior
management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person
steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person
rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a
consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second
opinion. They advised, of course , that too many people were steering the
boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent
another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering
superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor
performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and
canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was
distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing
team was out-sourced to India .
 
#294
Two teenagers are out on a date and the guy drives the girl to a romantic secluded spot in the woods.

The girl said "It's my first time parking in a car with someone. My mother told me to say "NO" to everything"

















The guy says "Would you mind sucking on my ****?
 
#296
Bassic83 said:
A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors)
decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced
long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
GM very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the
reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior
management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person
steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person
rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a
consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second
opinion. They advised, of course , that too many people were steering the
boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent
another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering
superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor
performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and
canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was
distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing
team was out-sourced to India .
Click to expand...

I'd laugh if things like this didn't happen all the time... :hmm:
 
#297
The Indian chief says to his son, "Son, you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"
The young brave says, "No, me no push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The chief says, "Son, me tell-um you story of Great White Father, George Washington. Many moons ago, when Great White Father was young boy, him chop-um down cherry tree.

Him father ask-um, 'Georgie, you chop-um down cherry tree?' George say-um, 'Cannot tell lie, Father. Me chop-um down cherry tree.' Him father say, 'Georgie bad, but Georgie honest, so you no get-um punishment.'

Now I ask-um you again...you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"
The young brave says, "Yes, Father, me push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The Chief grabs the kid and beats the crap out of him.

The young brave says, "Father, Great White Father tell truth and get-um off scott-free. I tell-um truth...why you beat-um crap out of me?"












The Chief says, "George Washington's father not in cherry tree when George chop-um down."
 
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