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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#301
excane said:
The Indian chief says to his son, "Son, you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"
The young brave says, "No, me no push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The chief says, "Son, me tell-um you story of Great White Father, George Washington. Many moons ago, when Great White Father was young boy, him chop-um down cherry tree.

Him father ask-um, 'Georgie, you chop-um down cherry tree?' George say-um, 'Cannot tell lie, Father. Me chop-um down cherry tree.' Him father say, 'Georgie bad, but Georgie honest, so you no get-um punishment.'

Now I ask-um you again...you push-um outhouse off-um cliff?"
The young brave says, "Yes, Father, me push-um outhouse off-um cliff."

The Chief grabs the kid and beats the crap out of him.

The young brave says, "Father, Great White Father tell truth and get-um off scott-free. I tell-um truth...why you beat-um crap out of me?"












The Chief says, "George Washington's father not in cherry tree when George chop-um down."
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Thread winner. I've refrained from posting as I hadn't had a complete ROFL yet, but there it was. Thank you!
 
#306
A guy goes to his doctor and said "Doc, you gotta cure me. I'm up to smoking 12 cigars a day. What do I do?"

The doctor says "It's simple. Before you have a cigar, shove it far up your ass"

The guy leaves and comes back a week later.

The doctor asks "So did it work?"















The guy says "Yep it worked. Now all you gotta do is cure me of shoving cigars far up my ass"
 
#309
3 men in a sauna, 1 american,1 japanese and an irish man.
all ao a sudden,theres a peeping sound.
the american guy lifts up his arm and says " its my hi tech pager under my skin".
then, theres a ringing sound.
the japanese guy lifts his hand 2 his ear," its my new mobile phone implant in my palm".
the irish guy feels very low tech and goes 2 the toilet.
he returns with toilet paper sticking out his azz, and remarks
" would u believe that! ive got a FAX.
 
#313
A rabbit is walking through the woods, and he comes upon a deer that is rolling a joint.
The rabbit says, "Hey, deer, I love you, man, don't smoke that stuff. Enjoy life with me and come through the woods."

So the deer follows. They're walking through the woods and they see a skunk cutting up some cocaine.
The rabbit says, "Hey, skunk, I love you, bro, don't do that cocaine. Enjoy life with us and come through the woods."

So he follows the deer and the rabbit. They walk up on a bear, and he's fixing up a rig of heroin, about to shoot up some heroin.

The rabbit says, "Bear, man, don't do that, bro, I love you, man..."

The bear slaps the **** out of the rabbit and he goes flying through the woods.

The skunk and the deer go, "What the hell'd you do that for?"




The bear says, "Every time that little f***er eats ecstasy, he comes around here telling me how much he loves me."
 
#315
Excane, what's with all your continued bigot/racist jokes? Show a little class bro.

Here's a rule of thumb for ya junior: If you have to look around before you tell it, IT'S NOT A JOKE.

I know a couple 300lb college football playing Onondagas that would stomp the living CRAP out for you for that "joke."

Considering you choose to hide behind the safety of internet distance, I'm sure that would never happen because you wouldn't have the stones to make dumbass jokes like that in front of a native American.

Care to tell your disgusting little vietnamese joke to the 6'2 exchange student/shot-putter from Hai Phong who worked in my wife's office?

The fact you don't even realize you are repeatedly acting the bigot says a lot.

And save your "lighten up" response, that's not gonna cut it, mang.
 
#316
How do you know he isn't Native American, or Korean or any of the races people have poked fun at in this post? And even if he was, would that suddenly make it ok for him to make a Native American or Korean joke? I saw a few Irish jokes, no one complained. Jewish jokes, again, no complaints. Calm down man. No one is saying "you're less of a human being because you're _____". Why can't we rip on each other? Why can't we understand that we're just busting balls? Why do we feel the need to be so incredibly PC all the time? Go ahead make white, Italian jokes, I won't care, because I know it's a joke, and I can take it. I don't fit the John Gotti wannabe stereotype, but I eat pasta at least 3 times a week, one of those times with at least 8 other family members. My grandmother piles food your plate until you restrain her. My dad works in tool and die. Oh goodness, I just stereotyped myself. Won't someone please get offended for me?

Edit: 10 minutes after this post I ate the left over rigatoni in the fridge.
 
#318
Vic Winters said:
How do you know he isn't Native American, or Korean or any of the races people have poked fun at in this post? And even if he was, would that suddenly make it ok for him to make a Native American or Korean joke? I saw a few Irish jokes, no one complained. Jewish jokes, again, no complaints. Calm down man. No one is saying "you're less of a human being because you're _____". Why can't we rip on each other? Why can't we understand that we're just busting balls? Why do we feel the need to be so incredibly PC all the time? Go ahead make white, Italian jokes, I won't care, because I know it's a joke, and I can take it. I don't fit the John Gotti wannabe stereotype, but I eat pasta at least 3 times a week, one of those times with at least 8 other family members. My grandmother piles food your plate until you restrain her. My dad works in tool and die. Oh goodness, I just stereotyped myself. Won't someone please get offended for me?

Edit: 10 minutes after this post I ate the left over rigatoni in the fridge.
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+100

Thank you. Saved me the time to type it myself.
 
#319
Bassic83 said:
Hear about the new Pirelli tires?



Dago through rain, dago through snow, and when dago flat, dago "Wop, wop, wop"...
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That's a great joke but watch out dude........

bigfatbass might feel the need to send his big "300 pound college football playing" badasses to rough you up.

....or the "6'2 exchange student/shot-putter from Hai Phong"

jeez I can't help laughing just typing that. That's a joke by itself.
 
#320
OK, how long until this veritable cornucopia of mirth disappears? Or, how long until an American Criminal Liberties Union barrister knocks down the door? I'm an equal-opportunity offender- I make fun of everyone! If it's politically incorrect, I love it!
 
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