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What's the funniest joke you know?
- Thread starter soulgeezer
- Start date
- Status
I might as well vary it up a bit, just to make sure everyone is included....
Why did God invent gold chains?
To remind the Italians where to stop shaving.
You know that is freakin hilarious
Why did God invent gold chains?
To remind the Italians where to stop shaving.
You know that is freakin hilarious
A Polish lady pushes her car into a gas station and says "It broke down on me"
The mechanic opens up the hood, works on the engine a minute, and the engine starts purring like a kitten.
The Polish lady says "So what's the story with my car"
The mechanic says "Crap in the carburetor"
The Polish lady says "How often do I have to do that?"
The mechanic opens up the hood, works on the engine a minute, and the engine starts purring like a kitten.
The Polish lady says "So what's the story with my car"
The mechanic says "Crap in the carburetor"
The Polish lady says "How often do I have to do that?"
An Irish girl comes home from college and says "Mom, I got myself a case of VD"
The mother says "Put it in the cellar, your old man will drink anything"
The mother says "Put it in the cellar, your old man will drink anything"
What did Davy Crockett says when he got to the Alamo?
Where the **** did all these landscapers come from?
Where the **** did all these landscapers come from?
I think some of you guys misunderstood the title of the thread... "funniest joke" not "dirtiest joke you know" nor "How fast can we get this thread closed by telling jokes that are prohibited on this forum due to it being PG".
Art of joke telling is knowing when it's appropriate to tell a sort of joke and where it's not. Where it fits, and were it does not. Some of you clearly don't have capacity to understand that.
- Jan 29, 2007
- 5,123
- 2
- Disclosures
- Endorsing Artist: Red Zone Effects
...* poot * ...
Actually, you're right -- Thanks for bringing this up. I'd hate to see this thread get closed just because some people can't tell the difference between funny and dirty...
Dirty jokes that pass the line will only get you in trouble on TB. Please, keep it clean and friendly! Thanks!
My favorite joke is rather simple.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "does poop ever stick to your fur??"
The rabbit replies "no, that really isn't a problem for me"
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "does poop ever stick to your fur??"
The rabbit replies "no, that really isn't a problem for me"
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Papa bear says "Someone's been eating my porridge"
Baby bear says "Someone's been eating my porridge"
Mama bear says "Will you two idiots shut up, I haven't even made the ******* porridge yet.
Baby bear says "Someone's been eating my porridge"
Mama bear says "Will you two idiots shut up, I haven't even made the ******* porridge yet.
I just checked the thread title.
I just read this joke.
Man, you need to make more friends.
I just checked the thread title.
I just read this joke.
Man, you need to make more friends.
I have to admit... my standup routine leaves quite a bit to be desired.
WE WANT CLIPS!!I have to admit... my standup routine leaves quite a bit to be desired.
My favorite is a two-parter:
Part one:
Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, was getting old and needed toretire from bell-ringing. So he put an ad in the Paris newspaper: Wanted-Apprentice bell ringer.
Weeks went by. No response.
Months went by. Nothing.
Finally, one day a very small man shows up and says he wants to apply for the job.
Quasimodo says "I don't know, kid. Can you even reach the rope?" He goes over and stretches up for it, but can't reach the rope. Quasimodo says "I'm sorry. we can't use you."
The little guy says "It's almost three o'clock. If I can ring the bell three times, will you give me the job?" Quasimodo says " That sounds fair enough."
Three o'clock comes and Quasimodo says "Okay, kid. Do your stuff."
The little guy backs up a step, runs forward, jumps AND HITS HIS FACE ON THE BELL!!!
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "Interesting technique. But you've got to do it two more times."
He pushes his face back into shape, backs up farther, runs. jumps, and hits his face on the bell again!
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "One more and the job's yours."
He backs up all the way to the wall. He runs. He jumps. He misses. He falls.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"*splat*
Quasimodo rings the bell and then runs down the steps to the bottom of the tower, where he finds the Cardinal standing over the body of the deceased job applicant.
The Cardinal says "Quasimodo, do you know who this small dead man is?"
Quasimodo says "No, Cardinal. But his face sure rings a bell."
Part two:
The next day all the same stuff happens again. The ad is still in the paper. And a guy shows up who looks JUST EXACTLY like the previous guy.
He can't reach the rope, either.
He runs, jumps, and hits the bell with his face, too.
*BONG*
He backs up a little more, runs jumps and hits the bell with face again.
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "You only have to ring it one more time."
He backs up all the way to the wall He runs. He jumps. He misses. He falls.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"*splat*
Quasimodo rings the bell and then runs down the steps to the bottom of the tower, where he finds the Cardinal standing over the body of yet another deceased job applicant.
The Cardinal says "Quasimodo, do you know who this small dead man is?"
Quasimodo says "No, Cardinal. But he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday."
Ba-da-bump-shhhhhh
Part one:
Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, was getting old and needed toretire from bell-ringing. So he put an ad in the Paris newspaper: Wanted-Apprentice bell ringer.
Weeks went by. No response.
Months went by. Nothing.
Finally, one day a very small man shows up and says he wants to apply for the job.
Quasimodo says "I don't know, kid. Can you even reach the rope?" He goes over and stretches up for it, but can't reach the rope. Quasimodo says "I'm sorry. we can't use you."
The little guy says "It's almost three o'clock. If I can ring the bell three times, will you give me the job?" Quasimodo says " That sounds fair enough."
Three o'clock comes and Quasimodo says "Okay, kid. Do your stuff."
The little guy backs up a step, runs forward, jumps AND HITS HIS FACE ON THE BELL!!!
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "Interesting technique. But you've got to do it two more times."
He pushes his face back into shape, backs up farther, runs. jumps, and hits his face on the bell again!
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "One more and the job's yours."
He backs up all the way to the wall. He runs. He jumps. He misses. He falls.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"*splat*
Quasimodo rings the bell and then runs down the steps to the bottom of the tower, where he finds the Cardinal standing over the body of the deceased job applicant.
The Cardinal says "Quasimodo, do you know who this small dead man is?"
Quasimodo says "No, Cardinal. But his face sure rings a bell."
Part two:
The next day all the same stuff happens again. The ad is still in the paper. And a guy shows up who looks JUST EXACTLY like the previous guy.
He can't reach the rope, either.
He runs, jumps, and hits the bell with his face, too.
*BONG*
He backs up a little more, runs jumps and hits the bell with face again.
*BONG*
Quasimodo says "You only have to ring it one more time."
He backs up all the way to the wall He runs. He jumps. He misses. He falls.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"*splat*
Quasimodo rings the bell and then runs down the steps to the bottom of the tower, where he finds the Cardinal standing over the body of yet another deceased job applicant.
The Cardinal says "Quasimodo, do you know who this small dead man is?"
Quasimodo says "No, Cardinal. But he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday."
Ba-da-bump-shhhhhh
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