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What's the funniest joke you know?

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#362
If I'm having a conversation with someone and it leads to animals or pets I often mention that I used to have this weird cat and once, when I was getting ready to mow the lawn I was out in the driveway filling up the mower with gas, using a gas can, and as usual I spill some gas on the mower and on to the driveway. Well, as I'm putting the gas can back in the garage the cat wanders over and starts lapping up the split gas. As I'm walking back to the mower I see the cat drinking and all of a sudden the cat takes off into the front yard running around in circles as fast as he can. After a minute or so he stops and collapses. I pause for a response...

"Dead?!?", they say.

No, he just ran out of gas.

The victim us follows with something like, "You $#&*^!".
 
#364
An escape convict breaks into a house and ties a married couple up to a chair.

The man whispers to his wife "I think he's crazy.....sounds like he's a mental patient or something. Listen, whatever happens do exactly as he wants"














The wife says "I'm glad you feel that way because I heard him talking to himself that you have a very nice ass"
 
#367
A couple is relaxing on a nude beach when all of a sudden a wasp flies right into the womans vagina.

The husband puts a towel around his wife and takes her to the emergency room.

The doctor says "This is very serious, if that wasp stings her inside it could be very dangerous...........here's what we'll do......you'll have to get an erection, put some honey on the tip of your penis, and go in and get the wasp"

The man agrees but can't get an erection. The doctor says "I guess it's my job then" and proceeds to pull down his pants.

He goes in, out, doesn't get the wasp. He tries again.....in.....out......no wasp.

He starts going faster and faster until he's going like an engine. The man asks the doctor "doc, what the hell are you doing?





















The doctor says "There's been a change of plans.......I'm gonna drown the lil' bastard"
 
#376
C'mon....I just ate lunch.

sick0006.gif


:)
 
#379
A married couple are getting ready for bed.

The guy rolls over to his wife and says "Hey, wanna fool around tonight?"

The wife says "Not tonight, I'm going to the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh"






















The guy says "You're not going to the dentist are you?"
 
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