I am the band leader of a 10 piece wedding band, 3 piece vocalists, 3 piece horn section and 4 piece rhythm section. We have 1 member that has been regularly acting out over the course of the last 3 weeks. She is one of the singers and her attitude has been very negative. It started when I made an insensitive comment in the group chat about a band that I played in, that she is in having bad communication on stage (in my defense, they absolutely do have bad communication on stage. It would be better to say that there is no communication on stage). Cue the emotional outburst. I get it, I did apologize and speak to her.
Each decision I have made has been contentious, but not a single other member has had an issue. I've even talked with each member to double check. The week of our first gigs, she wants to change the stage plot, after I made it and sent it to the tech. She wants to switch to in ears - not everyone has in ears (the project is young and I am going to have the band fund them when it starts making money). On the gig, she is acting out on stage, speaking to members unprofessionally, and was visibly angry on stage to audience members because the sound guy was not great. Then the way she talks about the sound guy in the chat is ridiculous. He's an older guy who had plumbers crack - her exact words when I told the band we needed to be respectful was "I prefer he not have his ass out in my presence".
Recently, she is trying to fight rehearsal plans for songs that she is not even the lead vocalist because she doesn't think we should do them (the vocalist that is the lead on those songs asked for that artist). She wants to micromanage my booking of gigs, but when I've asked her to do things that would have given her the power to make decisions, she won't do it. The attitude is out of hand. The thing is, if I call her to set it straight, I see it as a lose-lose. I can apologize again for being insensitive, but that's what she wants and I'm not giving in, I've already apologized and she is going to love it if I am subservient at all. If I call and set boundaries, she's going to use it as ammo to explode or throw another tantrum. I am at the point where I am ready to let her go. She's even threatened to quit, even though she really isn't going to because who makes threats and doesn't follow through?
I think the problem is that she doesn't like others making decisions. We had an issue with a piano player who quit who I asked for help on creative decisions, and he was helping call some shots. She didn't like that, she said something to me, I said something to him and he quit. I think at it's core, it's an issue with authority, and completely overvaluing herself. She acts like she's famous because she has a following in a couple bars that really aren't desirable places to play (think like biker bars, rock community type stuff). She's inexperienced, been playing in bands for about 2 years, she's played in the 1 band, meanwhile I've been gigging for nearly 20 years, and ran my own booking agency for several years and have played in big bands.
Here's the complicating factor, she works at the agency I am trying to sign with. She is not an agent, she is an administrative assistant, who basically sends the contracts and files them after the deal is made. Other members are not ready to let her go. The drummer will be fine if I do, but he doesn't want to yet. Another singer thinks the talent outweighs the issues. She is a great singer, but she's an absolute pain in the ass and too negative for me. I already have a back up plan and I think there would be no issues in the band if she is gone. At what point should I fire her?
