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why did you have children?
- Thread starter Icey101
- Start date
My dad had me at 20 and my mom choose drugs over me , thus he raised me soley. Hence I have a lot of respect for single fathers like youself.
Going off on a bit of a tangent, I see a few folks talking about how they're the last son in their family and it's up to them (should they decide to do so) to continue the family lineage. Not that it's particularly wrong, but even if the family name traditionally is attached to the male, lineage comes from both.
Depends on how you define lineage. The concept predates genetics, and has nothing to do with genetics.
Haha, I remember sitting in antropology class in college and being annoyed by the concert of patrilineage, because modern genetics pretty much craps over the concept that you're "more related" to your father.
Funniest response, so far!
I've always known I wanted to be a father. Raising my two daughters is one of the greatest joys of my life. Helping them learn and grow is just awesome to me, and the love I have for them is like nothing else in the world. Two, however, is my limit.
To me its because although we sare the same gentics females take another mans last name usually. We have WEST family reunions as thats my last name,well if no one has that last name because the females got married and ther elast name changed then those reunions seek to occur for my blood.
I , my sister and my girl cousin are the only ones with that last name. I am going to my cousins wedding tomorrow so there goes her last name. We have already discussed my sister keeping her last name if she gets married and has kids so it continues.
I really dont get the concept of females taking any form of last name , if its the full last name or the hyphen version with there maiden name included. I think its a rather dated and primitive concept and i dont want my wife taking my last name.
Ditto. Not sure how I'm going to handle it if I ever get married but I don't really want whoever I'm with to take my name. Not that I'm selfish and only want my name to be mine but that she's would be as much a part of her family as I'd be of mine so why all the name changing? Maybe I'll just say we should just keep our last names or have fun with it and create a new last name based on our current last names, lol. I dunno, maybe I just think too much about it.
Kwesi said:
And you'll name your kids what?
Will they have your name? Her name? Both names?
I can tell you from experience having children with different last names is a real PITA
My two boys have my name and my daughter has her mothers name.
It causes problems constantly when I go to do anything like new DR's appointments, filling out papers, etc.
When you start a family IMHO it's important that it be decided one way or another that YOUR Now immediate family all have one last name.
Keeping ties to your family (not your wife and kids) will slightly fade into a backseat role.
Your wife and kids will become your main focus in life as they will and should become absolute #1 over all else.
This is not to say your other family is actually any less important in anyway, just that your family your building does become its own entity in a sense.
I hope you get what I'm saying, definitely not meaning your birth family is less or anything just different.
Hyphenate 'em.
There's no need to fret about names, lineage, etc. When the time comes, just love your kids, enjoy the short time you have to spend with them (they grow up WAAAAAY to freaking fast) and be the best dad you can be. By far the BEST thing I have ever done in my life.
I already discussed it with my gf , i guess were actually engaged, but I talked about not wanting to do the name thing out of respect for her family but if she wanted my last name she can take it. I guess since there are no planned kids its not a big deal in my case.
I met a beautiful girl with big, brown eyes that captivated me. She also had a cute rear-end and curves in all the right places. She was funny, she was smart and she was attracted to me.
I realized I wanted to be with her, we both wanted kids and 12 years later she still has the captivating brown eyes, the cute rear-end and the curves. She's still funny, she's still smart and she still thinks I'm pretty sexy.
She's also an incredible mother to my two boys. I see both of us and our love for each other in them.
Falling in love and having children with her is the smartest thing I've ever done.
I realized I wanted to be with her, we both wanted kids and 12 years later she still has the captivating brown eyes, the cute rear-end and the curves. She's still funny, she's still smart and she still thinks I'm pretty sexy.
She's also an incredible mother to my two boys. I see both of us and our love for each other in them.
Falling in love and having children with her is the smartest thing I've ever done.
I probably didn't explain myself well enough. I'm sure that having different names would be troublesome but my issue with her not taking my name doesn't have anything to do with MY family or me trying to keep the two separate. It's more along the lines of what right do I have to take her name away from her and essentially replace it? If she has her family and I have mine and together were making our own family, why would my name hold precedence over hers? That's why I like the idea of creating a portmanteau based on our last names. That's always bugged me even since I was a little kid. Nothing wrong with it for those who've done it (like 99% of every married couple everywhere) but I don't think it's for me.
+1
I am indentical to exactly what you just said, so no need to repeat the same thing
yes there is; its called the patriarchy!
but seriously, my post-modern feminist ex took my last name. considering 'her' last name was actually her father's and she didn't have any choice in it, she at least felt some ownership in her decision.
i started thinking i wanted kids (in theory) when i was in college. left on my own, i probly wouldn't have gotten around to it. but, as it turns out, it takes two to make a baby. my ex was eager to have a couple, and eventually, we did.
i don't really have a concrete 'because' answer, i think it was more feeling than logic behind the decision. and as incredibly nervous as i was though the pregnancy, i very clearly remember this moment as if it were yesterday (not 16.5 yrs ago):
... the first time I held my son, some sort of primal switch flipped in my brain. *click* I'm a dad and this is my beautiful, perfect, indescribably cute son who I would give up anything for and jump in front of a moving train to protect if I had to. It changes you to the core. Man, I thought I had it made BEFORE I had my kids? Pfff.. wasn't s--t compared to what I have now.
yup. i feel for the folks i know who are middle-aged and don't have kids. they travel and pursue hobbies. its like they are lost and needing to fill all that free time they have...
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LiquidMidnight said:
Could you expand please? I'm not of understanding. As the last male in my family tree, it seems as though my family line will cease to exist when I die.
-Mike
