Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Why I NEVER Vent On Here About Band Problems
- Thread starter JimmyM
- Start date
Fundamentally agree with Jimmy - but also agree with you. I dismiss crazy comments from the peanut gallery about firing people, etc., but do sometimes get some value from other suggestions regarding remedies for a bad/other situation. I’m usually looking for concurrence on how I would handle a given situation, but am happy to receive alternate ideas about defusing situations. Good post.Thanks for the post. I have to say that I actually enjoy some of the "complaining about the band" posts because even if they go off the rails sometimes, and even if I've never had a band situation anything like some of the ones I read about here, the stories remind me that I'm not alone in feeling frustration/disappointment/etc in a band. And I bet it feels good sometimes for folks to air some of those feelings. But I totally get your points about how that can also lead to hurt feelings, or misunderstanding.
But as a reader I don't always take these chat group discussions literally, directly, and concretely. Same as for what you might hear sitting around your local bar. I'm a grown up -- by now I hope I can usually sort out good advice from bad, wherever I hear it. Sometimes it can get overblown and that's when I pay up and leave. But sometimes it's good to know that we aren't alone in our victories and failures. That's when I buy another round..
Just a quick thought:
Aren't we venting, here, about not venting, here?
Aren't we venting, here, about not venting, here?
An example of metacognition! I found this psych term by following the link posted about Dunning Kruger effect.
I don't post about internal band issues in Band Mgmt forum because after reading a dozen or so threads, all the good advice seems to be similar. Like what someone said about no epiphanies (but I couldn't find the first of those posts by eJake and co. to quote). Look at yourself, decide if it the isssue is something you can't accept, either accept it or do something about it (give notice that you are quitting, usually). Basic grown up advice, but that hasn't stopped thousands of self-help books saying the same thing.
I am thankful for the posts, because without lurking and reading through a bunch of them, I wouldn't have come to the conclusion that so many issues are similar with the same appropriate advice. I still read them and lurk.
I am thankful for the posts, because without lurking and reading through a bunch of them, I wouldn't have come to the conclusion that so many issues are similar with the same appropriate advice. I still read them and lurk.
negativity breeds negativity
whether on line or in person
and nothing good or creative ever comes of it
the more negative talk and thought you engage in about someone or something the more you reinforce that thought process and you begin a negative cycle that spirals downward until it becomes a habit of negativity
we all know it is exhausting to be around people who have developed this thought pattern
when you feel negativity pulling at you, take those thoughts captive and try replace with something positive about the person or situation
affirmation goes a lot further in correcting behavior than criticism and negativity ever will
whether on line or in person
and nothing good or creative ever comes of it
the more negative talk and thought you engage in about someone or something the more you reinforce that thought process and you begin a negative cycle that spirals downward until it becomes a habit of negativity
we all know it is exhausting to be around people who have developed this thought pattern
when you feel negativity pulling at you, take those thoughts captive and try replace with something positive about the person or situation
affirmation goes a lot further in correcting behavior than criticism and negativity ever will
I stopped being specific here about my problems or even for sure what band I'm in after I got ratted out to a band for my complaints about the drummer in 2007. and was sent packing. Which was ok because I was in the process of moving States, but still I realized it's probably not a good idea to be too specific about who you are here. There could be someone lurking that wants your spot
Sometimes when you need to vent about band issues it is better to grab the phone and call a friend, have a beer with a someone you trust, or email a buddy, than to post your frustrations to any online forum. While I sometimes like that ability to reach a larger number of people with similar interests, like other bassists, I value privacy even more.
Giving advice is a pain in any situation you weren't a part of, be that online or hearing it second hand from a friend. I always try to take the tack of "what would I do is this is true to any degree." So someone says someone else got unprofessionally drunk, I think to myself "noticeably buzzed." Someone is always missing practice, I think "they've bailed out enough that it's come up," then give advice from there because you never know how heavy a microscope someone's band is putting them under.
I had a band where I heard through the grapevine I was "always late." This particular band hired a sound guy who mostly just wanted me out of his way while he set up the stage, then I'd walk up with the combo I was using for a monitor at the time, plug in the DI, plug in the power, set my dials and go from parking my car to ready for sound check in less than ten minutes, not because I'm so great, just because that was our process for setting up. When I asked where the rumor came from (politely, because you never know what amount of morphing things take via the telephone game) the guitar player told me that the BL wanted me there for the whole stage setup even though I spent it just sitting nearby chilling. I'd never heard word one about that before and immediately changed and started coming that hour early and got really really good at a few phone games waiting for them to be ready for me over the course of my tenure with them. I have no doubt that the advice on here or any other social media would have been half the people shouting for my head while knowing nothing about the situation. I was always "late," by some definition, but all it took was a mini almost non-conversation for me to never be "late," again, and that conversation was definitely easier than chasing down a new bass player.
Unless the guy did something dangerous or illegal, the first advice should always be a quick private talk. You never know how much of this stuff is just a misunderstanding till you check.
I had a band where I heard through the grapevine I was "always late." This particular band hired a sound guy who mostly just wanted me out of his way while he set up the stage, then I'd walk up with the combo I was using for a monitor at the time, plug in the DI, plug in the power, set my dials and go from parking my car to ready for sound check in less than ten minutes, not because I'm so great, just because that was our process for setting up. When I asked where the rumor came from (politely, because you never know what amount of morphing things take via the telephone game) the guitar player told me that the BL wanted me there for the whole stage setup even though I spent it just sitting nearby chilling. I'd never heard word one about that before and immediately changed and started coming that hour early and got really really good at a few phone games waiting for them to be ready for me over the course of my tenure with them. I have no doubt that the advice on here or any other social media would have been half the people shouting for my head while knowing nothing about the situation. I was always "late," by some definition, but all it took was a mini almost non-conversation for me to never be "late," again, and that conversation was definitely easier than chasing down a new bass player.
Unless the guy did something dangerous or illegal, the first advice should always be a quick private talk. You never know how much of this stuff is just a misunderstanding till you check.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
An excellent analysis of train wrecking a train wreckable thread. All threads are train wreckable with enough dedication and effort.
Another excellent rabbit hole and potential derail. With all due respect to JimmyM and everyone else, any thread that make it this far without multiple pileups and derails just isn't worth pursuing. Starting one that goes off rails in multiple directions and keeps on chugging is pure brilliance.
Gaolee
Official leathers tester and crash dummy
If there's something going pear shaped in our band it's normally me, as by far the oldest, who will raise it. This is generally in a diplomatic spirit, unless there's real justification for calling in an airstrike. If you've a problem, tell it to the band! Quickest way to get it sorted...
As I've gotten older, this is one of the reasons why I've mostly given up on being a permanent band member -- there's often too much drama. When I was younger, sure, there was this idea that if you find the right band, that band kind of becomes your "family", and you're all going to pull together to "make it" -- but for the vast majority of us, that just doesn't happen. I'm happiest now to play mostly as a sub/pickup player with a couple of different groups, and do some light session work here and there. I'm usually playing with other musicians who, while mostly not full-time pros, at least have a professional attitude. If I detect some kind of personal issue with a band that I'm sitting in with, I can politely decline invitations to play with them again.
I don't need to my band to be my family -- just reasonably competent and responsible co-workers. There's a lot to said for friendly collegiality.
I don't need to my band to be my family -- just reasonably competent and responsible co-workers. There's a lot to said for friendly collegiality.
Last edited:
I agree with most of what you stated.
The only caveat on have is you have to take into account the band circumstances, as well as the circumstances of the personnel. I believe we can all agree that every musician should come prepared to perform at every rehearsal as well as the gig. Sound so simple right? Unfortunately that only happens in a perfect world. None of us are perfect, and that is the reason we practice like we do. However, if you are indulging in the excesses to the point where you cannot fulfill your musical obligation, then that needs to be looked at if it becomes a habitual thing. I've had my share of gigs where some personnel were less than functional, but the gig was completed. Like you, I don't vent about any band issues online either... for the very reasons you stated. I prefer to address them internally within the band. I just feel strong about addressing issues up front. It's unfortunate that people use a keyboard to hide behind their one-sided opinions of things without all of the information, but that's the world we live in. Don't take it personally.
Let me also add that I truly appreciate the ones here who offer really helpful advice and opinions to help individuals seeking as such. We are all musicians, and we are fortunate to be able to do something that we love. There's enough room for all of us, and then some to enjoy it.
The only caveat on have is you have to take into account the band circumstances, as well as the circumstances of the personnel. I believe we can all agree that every musician should come prepared to perform at every rehearsal as well as the gig. Sound so simple right? Unfortunately that only happens in a perfect world. None of us are perfect, and that is the reason we practice like we do. However, if you are indulging in the excesses to the point where you cannot fulfill your musical obligation, then that needs to be looked at if it becomes a habitual thing. I've had my share of gigs where some personnel were less than functional, but the gig was completed. Like you, I don't vent about any band issues online either... for the very reasons you stated. I prefer to address them internally within the band. I just feel strong about addressing issues up front. It's unfortunate that people use a keyboard to hide behind their one-sided opinions of things without all of the information, but that's the world we live in. Don't take it personally.
Let me also add that I truly appreciate the ones here who offer really helpful advice and opinions to help individuals seeking as such. We are all musicians, and we are fortunate to be able to do something that we love. There's enough room for all of us, and then some to enjoy it.
I just refuse anymore to be in a band that has problems like that. Oh, and any problems my current band has is resolved by firing the drummer.
Drummers have been known to spontaneously explode, on stage.
These examples are far from cut and dried.Barrett a serious acid casualty that led to major psychological damage for the rest of his life.And in Jones's case Keith was secretly screwing his old ladiy and if that's brotherhood you can have my share.
Good topic with good points to consider...
We all get carried away in the moment from time to time I think...
That being said, I think it is a close second though to the Jimmy quote in my sig that I thought rather profound...
We all get carried away in the moment from time to time I think...
That being said, I think it is a close second though to the Jimmy quote in my sig that I thought rather profound...
