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Would you quit this band?

#42
Just out of curiosity, why would you have stayed in that situation at all? Just because you love this guy's music? I have to admit, at first I didn't think this was real, because who would even consider staying in a "band" like that?

Another question just to satisfy my curiosity: What does the drummer think? Is he gonna walk too? Or does he love the guy's music so much that he's considering staying?
 
#46
MatticusMania said:
Without considering anything else, this alone should tell you to walk.
You guys are sharing expenses, but he is keeping all the profits? I wouldnt waste another second.
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Yeppers!!! That ain't right. I don't think I would give him another opportunity to cancel a practice while I was on the way either.

There are just SO many wrongs with your situation, man. Nowadays you NEED a web presence. "The music alone"?? How's anyone going to know about it? Strictly live shows? That's a pretty narrow attitude. :rollno:

Bail, dude. Now.
 
#47
Hey All -

Thanks for all of your responses - and for those of you who asked, no it's not a joke, but after reading all of the things you guys had to say, I gotta say I am feeling like a bit of a chump. I don't know why I stuck around for this long, and it really doesn't matter at this point - it's my last day as a member of this "band".

Again, thanks to all who responded and offered their words of advice - you guys really put it into perspective for me and brought a lot of clarity to the situation that I, for whatever reason, didn't have.

J.
 
#50
JeremyS said:
Hey All,

I've been struggling with whether to leave a band I've been a part of for over four years. I think I know the answer, but some input from my fellow musicians would be much appreciated.

It's an original band - well, a singer-songwriter + me and a drummer. We're not included in the writing process, although we do have a hand in the arranging.

Here's the dilemma: I love the music - it's been one of the most musically fulfilling projects I've been a part of, but we're in the same place now as we were four years ago. The writer basically refuses to do any promo/social media/interweb stuff (and will not support the other 2 people doing any of it either - after I built facebook and myspace band pages and populated them with several hundred "fans", he deleted them shortly thereafter because he didn't feel they were necessary) and insists that the music alone will bring the people to us. Which it obviously hasn't.

We're expected to share in the costs (rehearsal, gear rental, travel expenses, etc.) yet if we do get paid for a show, he keeps that money. It's been made clear that I'm replaceable and he has used subs in the past when I've been unavailable for a gig (we gig an average of once a month).

The last four rehearsals have been canceled by either him or the drummer (twice while I've been en route to said rehearsal), yet this evening, right after the drummer canceled the rehearsal yet again, he blamed me for not having enough time to rehearse with the band. I'm generally available 3-4 nights a week to rehearse (I gig with other "working" bands as well).

I'm continually frustrated by the situation, and our personalities are not that complimentary, to say the least. If it weren't for the music, I'd have been gone within the first 6 months. I feel that the considerable amount of time I've put in is not being appreciated, I'm spending money to be in this "band", and we're playing the same rooms as we were when we started.

Reading over this, it's fairly obvious that I need to leave, but I've put so much time in, really do like the music (and although it's the most important aspect, that is the only aspect I like), and feel guilty about leaving.

Am I being a whiny little b@#$%, or is it really time to cut my losses and move on?

You have my gratitude if you've taken the time to read through this mini-novel, haha!

Jeremy
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Sounds like the bad is far outweighing the good for you. If it were me, I'd definitely be moving on.
 
#55
Well, I'm unusual but I might stay.

The singer has star complex, but that's not uncommon. I've learned to ignore that to an extent. Lots of people in the music business don't have realistic expectations. Heck, I sure didn't when I was younger.

Your account of the money handling bugs me but it would depend how the singer explained it. If the answer was "It goes towards these promotion expenses, recording" etc. Then maybe. If it was "My songs my money", or "I'm taking it because I can" then forget it. Besides, how much are you talking about? Is it enough to get upset over?

Bottom line, if I liked the music and people enough, and felt they weren't trying to rip me off, I might stay, provided it didn't interfere with my paid gigging work.
 
#57
JeremyS said:
Hey All -

Thanks for all of your responses - and for those of you who asked, no it's not a joke, but after reading all of the things you guys had to say, I gotta say I am feeling like a bit of a chump. I don't know why I stuck around for this long, and it really doesn't matter at this point - it's my last day as a member of this "band".

Again, thanks to all who responded and offered their words of advice - you guys really put it into perspective for me and brought a lot of clarity to the situation that I, for whatever reason, didn't have.

J.
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Jeremy, good for you. I would only add that, in this situation, I don't think you're under the normal obligation of giving notice. Since he's been taking advantage of you all this time, just make a clean break. I'd email him saying nothing more than "I'm sorry but this situation isn't right for me any more," then I wouldn't go back, or answer his emails/calls/texts/pms, or have any further contact with him.

I say this because I'm concerned that he'll try to talk you into staying with him for one more gig/week/rehearsal/etc and he doesn't deserve that.

Unless, of course, he agrees to pay you for your time. Up front. In cash.

Nah, I wouldn't go back even then, I'd just break it off clean and hard.

Good luck!
 
#58
JeremyS said:
The writer basically refuses to do any promo/social media/interweb stuff (and will not support the other 2 people doing any of it either - after I built facebook and myspace band pages and populated them with several hundred "fans", he deleted them shortly thereafter because he didn't feel they were necessary) and insists that the music alone will bring the people to us. Which it obviously hasn't.
Click to expand...

Just to prove you right, here is an article I found from one of the most knowledgeable guys in the industry.

Alan Cross - A Journal of Musical Things - Must-Read Article of the Day for Bands: D2F (Direct to Fan)
 
#59
ChrisB2 said:
I'd email him saying nothing more than "I'm sorry but this situation isn't right for me any more,"
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I suggest not using the word "sorry". To me it sounds like you're apologizing about something. :atoz:

How about: "I've decided to go a different way musically(moving out of state, getting married, [DEL]committing myself, getting as far away from you as possible[/DEL]) so as of now, I'm resigning (leaving, quitting, moving on, out of here, [DEL]getting the hell out, you doosh)[/DEL]. Best of luck in your future endeavors.
 

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