Adventures in auditions, jealous GF edition.

[210superair]

Thats pretty much it. It happens a TON.

Hey, I've walked into auditions and back out before I opened my case... No chit. Lol, it happens. Especially to me!

 

[210superair]

That is just bizarre. Thanks for sharing! Certainly seems like the type of thing I would never even have to consider as a dude.

This

 

[Raoul_Duke]

Seriously. They knew you had lady parts prior to the audition (I’m assuming?).

You’re way better off without those weirdos.

 

[rutrho]

It's "I really couldn't care less" and "tenet" ... but you know... "closed minded"
So why don't you start your own band?

And yes... many bands can tell from 10 notes in if their bass player isn't going to work regardless of how you look or what your sex may be.

lololol ok bud

 

[Nephilymbass]

So, I've been looking for a new band for a while now and its been a pretty frustrating fruitless endeavor for the most part as I'm looking for doing originals and in metal or even down to more chill stuff like hard rock or indie stuff. To say it tends to be male dominated is an understatement, Needless to say, lots of boys club type vibes from groups in this genre, this one takes the cake though from my recent experiences.

FTR this is a pretty huge bullet dodged in my book, if some dude is being this weird, well, about his gf or whatever then I'm pretty glad to not have to deal with that mess.
Meanwhile I'm going back to the search for non jerk band mates, wheeee. Luckily my wife has ZERO issues with me playing with random guys. LOLOL


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There are plenty of females in heavy bands around here in NC. There’s even an all female band. Im thinking someone’s masculinity was threatened lol. We’re searching for a singer right now and I seriously doubt my wife or any of the bandmembers girlfriends would have any issue with it. In fact my wife would likely encourage it. She loves to see women in rock and metal bands. She was a die hard evenesence fan when we met a decade ago. I show her bands all the time with females. Epica, Jinger, you name it. Have played shows opening for bands with females like Otep and Kittie they were all cool. No problems at all.

 

[ugly_bassplayer]

Start your own shiZZLE

 

[Mannyinnewyork]

Interesting thread. Maybe I’m missing something - did you meet these people or did you send them a track you played on to give them some idea of your capabilities ?

 

[J-Mags]

Yeah, forming my own group is most likely going to happen sometime in the new year. Trying to do originals just makes it more of a challenge and the chemistry even more important, I feel. Only issue is finding a place to practice or reherse or otherwise deal

Dang, I'd play with you if I didn't live three thousand miles away! I love to play some heavy music. My guess is if you try to start your own band in the Bay Area, you'll find a some women who have been having some of the same problems as you, and also some men who are pretty tired of dysfunctional BS and macho nonsense too. Some of them will be good. If it's your thing, you get to ask for what you want!

 

[jamro217]

As if this has any bearing on a musical endeavor. Absolutely ridiculous what some people do to sabotage bands. Would this GF stop the guy from taking a good paying job because she didn't like the look of his coworkers? Highly unlikely. It seems when it comes to music, people are picky about the most inconsequential, petty BS imaginable. You're better off staying away from these types. Nothing but trouble.

 

[Mike Whitfield]

I wish that was the case, except that it was explicitly stated. "your chit is rad, but your a chick, so it won't work"

Anyways, anxiety is super real thing and i'm not knocking them or anyone for it but I'm not thinking thats the case here. I have my own struggles with mental health, depression and crippling social anxiety but something can work with to manage. It never goes away but it can be managed to a degree.

I took Frankie's post to mean that the dude had no problem personally with having a female bandmate, he's simply acquiescing with the girlfriend's problem. Which could be consideration of her anxiety or could just mean he doesn't want to put up with the crap that would ensue from her jealousy. I know which way I'd bet, but that's just a guess.

Personally I'd guess that anyone who can decide after 10 notes whether a bassist is a good fit isn't as sharp as he thinks he is. Although the Spice Girls were assembled almost purely on the basis of appearance so maybe I'm way off base.

 

[Flamingo21]

Some comments in here are incredibly harsh.

Chronic anxiety, by design, is generally irrational to the person experiencing it. They don't know why they are anxious, just that they're "melting down" right there, right then. I believe the guy is being honest with you when he says his wife's/gf's anxiety was actually a deciding factor in turning you down for the band

So you say it's a medical or psychological condition of some kind, and not a form of immaturity as has been suggested.

But if that's the case I'd expect the band to be upfront about it, instead of letting the candidate (who you already know you're not hiring since she's a woman) audition first.

So, still immature behaviour from the band.

 

[MYLOWFREQ]

You did the right thing, no need for drama.

 

[LBS-bass]

So, I've been looking for a new band for a while now and its been a pretty frustrating fruitless endeavor for the most part as I'm looking for doing originals and in metal or even down to more chill stuff like hard rock or indie stuff. To say it tends to be male dominated is an understatement, Needless to say, lots of boys club type vibes from groups in this genre, this one takes the cake though from my recent experiences.

FTR this is a pretty huge bullet dodged in my book, if some dude is being this weird, well, about his gf or whatever then I'm pretty glad to not have to deal with that mess.
Meanwhile I'm going back to the search for non jerk band mates, wheeee. Luckily my wife has ZERO issues with me playing with random guys. LOLOL


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It is totally crap, but yeah, if someone is weird about this for whatever reason it's better that you didn't get involved. And I hear you on the difficulty of finding a band of relatively reasonable people. We're musicians; most of us are kinda off to some degree, but I like to think that my own neuroses have compatible counterparts out there in music land. You did dodge a bullet.

 

[LBS-bass]

So you say it's a medical or psychological condition of some kind, and not a form of immaturity as has been suggested.

But if that's the case I'd expect the band to be upfront about it, instead of letting the candidate (who you already know you're not hiring since she's a woman) audition first.

So, still immature behaviour from the band.

Anxiety is real, of course. Anxiety related to insecurity in a relationship can be related to a number of things, maybe past trauma of betrayal or maybe just jealousy. But yes, if this was a known thing why have her in to audition at all?

 

[SteffanB]

Problem is that you live in Man Jose. Ya have but one to rock club there? I have a friend in Santa Clara who a Great guitar dude there, that if he made a blimp on the professional scene, he would be in the top 10 of great guitarist.

 

[mcnach]

I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and he was like "Oh, so JD is really Mike Pence?". If you don't know the background there, He basically refuses to be around women alone. Very same narrow minded thinking.

!!!

 

[mcnach]

It's "I really couldn't care less" and "tenet" ... but you know... "closed minded"

The first time it didn't loo great.
The second time is looking definitely bad.

What are you trying to achieve?

 

[Flamingo21]

Problem is that you live in Man Jose.

Did you spell "Man Jose" on purpose? Is this a thing over there? A telltale nickname? Just curious.

 

[mcnach]

Hey, I've walked into auditions and back out before I opened my case... No chit. Lol, it happens. Especially to me!

I tried to back out once but they saw me before I turned around

Years ago I replied to an ad that looked interesting. It was local, merely minutes away on foot, which sounded very attractive. All I knew is they practiced at a church certain evenings. I asked for recordings (it said they played originals mostly) but nothing came, just a "don't worry, just come along and check it out first hand"... which normally would make me say "sorry, I think I'm going to pass", but... it was just a short walk away, how amazing would that be!??? So I shrugged and went with it.

The day comes, and I get to the church, open the doors, I hear music...and find a large stage with the whole band set up, playing, clearly auditioning some other guy still on bass.

They weren't bad. But... I'm not a religious person. I'm very far from it. I am not militant or anything about it and I'm a fan of "live and let live", but I don' think I would enjoy playing regularly in a Jesus band, and this is what it was.
In hindsight, I could have suspected... but over here churches often provide space for community activities that have no religious connotations, and I figured that's what it would be.

I was tempted to walk, but I hesitated, it felt rude, and then the band leader saw me and waved me in. I had to do it.

They were nice. The drummer was this 17 year old boy who sometimes let his 10-11 year old brother play too,and he wasn't bad at all. It turned out it was the 17 year old brother the person I had been emailing with. They were all pretty cool. Nice female backing vocals section, one in particular had a superb voice and was lead at times.
I was given a folder with lyrics and chords written over them... and it was pretty much 1-2-3... go. I just had time to quickly scan for the chords, listen to the first couple of bars and join in. It wasn't difficult, and as the songs were reasonably predictable, as I got more comfortable I could play something a bit more interesting than just root notes and fifths.
I played with them for about 45 minutes, and then I said good bye. They said they'd call me. I didn't expect them to, I smiled, waved goodbye and left.

Next day the drummer calls me asking me to join.

I had to decline. I actually enjoyed playing that evening. A couple of songs were pretty cool, funky, and those backing vocalists were really good. Band leader was a bit bossy, I saw him treating the keyboard guy not exactly nicely, but I don't know if they had some kind of history.
I just know that I could not do that regularly, and the gigs would be during services, which is obviously a bad match for me.

But I'm glad I didn't walk out after I saw what it was.

 

[frankie5string]

So you say it's a medical or psychological condition of some kind, and not a form of immaturity as has been suggested.

But if that's the case I'd expect the band to be upfront about it, instead of letting the candidate (who you already know you're not hiring since she's a woman) audition first.
So, still immature behaviour from the band.

The OP is taking it entirely on the basis that she's a woman, and a self-proclaimed attractive woman, and that the band members are thinking with their man-bits on all of this. Then she says I'm apparently "Closed(sic)-minded" about all of this. No... I don't think so.

I suppose the subtleties of my later responses kinda got lost in the mix. While I started by arguing that the anxiety of a wife of a band-member might be a legitimate problem, after some replies from the OP and such, I came to the conclusion they likely didn't take her because someone came in and auditioned after her and gave them more of what they were really looking for, musically.

Just because you audition, doesn't mean you get the gig, and yes, I've gotten gigs where the previous bass player got shown the door after less than an entire song play-through. I heard it happen outside the rehearsal-room door, in my case.

Does this response make it more obvious?

EDITED to soften tone, a little.