And in the process, hurt another young lady's feelings.
Not saying that they are necessarily wrong, but keeping her musician husband away from all women is a herculean task.
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Adventures in auditions, jealous GF edition.
- Thread starter rutrho
- Start date
Not saying that they are necessarily wrong, but keeping her musician husband away from all women is a herculean task.
True, but It's sometimes not as easy to get others also into the same thing you're into... depending on the city you're in.
Food for thought?
First, totally agree that making your own band is the way to go. There has to be a ton of musicians - female or no - in your scene experiencing the same problems.
But I’d think twice about being super discerning as to level of ability of potential mates. Sometimes the best bands grow into it together which, yeah, involves some patience for growing pains. Either way - endlessly looking for high caliber players who *also* can hang, or just focusing on finding the super simpatico regardless of skills - getting to the great band stage will take time. Might as well spend as much of that time playing music together and getting better together.
IMO it’s more important to have a personal bond from the jump, because it makes whatever musical bond easier to achieve and tends to result in a band with longevity. This is how I wound up in working band for 8 years. At the start we had an experienced drummer and lead singer/guitarist. And then we had me, who hadn’t touched a bass since high school with limited experience playing for people, and a lead guitarist who’d never stepped out of the bedroom and struggled with ensemble playing. It was messy, it took a long time to get four hours worth of music, a lot of material was beyond us (as a unit) for a long time. But it was a great hang, and we kept coming back for the fun until suddenly, almost out of nowhere, we were a seriously good band.
Another case - one I’m still involved with - involves a group of experienced players and a drummer who had a kit but literally couldn’t keep a beat. All great people, though, and after only a few years the dude’s rock solid and we groove like mad. Two talented ladies in that group, too.
There’s often more than one path to greatness.
First, totally agree that making your own band is the way to go. There has to be a ton of musicians - female or no - in your scene experiencing the same problems.
But I’d think twice about being super discerning as to level of ability of potential mates. Sometimes the best bands grow into it together which, yeah, involves some patience for growing pains. Either way - endlessly looking for high caliber players who *also* can hang, or just focusing on finding the super simpatico regardless of skills - getting to the great band stage will take time. Might as well spend as much of that time playing music together and getting better together.
IMO it’s more important to have a personal bond from the jump, because it makes whatever musical bond easier to achieve and tends to result in a band with longevity. This is how I wound up in working band for 8 years. At the start we had an experienced drummer and lead singer/guitarist. And then we had me, who hadn’t touched a bass since high school with limited experience playing for people, and a lead guitarist who’d never stepped out of the bedroom and struggled with ensemble playing. It was messy, it took a long time to get four hours worth of music, a lot of material was beyond us (as a unit) for a long time. But it was a great hang, and we kept coming back for the fun until suddenly, almost out of nowhere, we were a seriously good band.
Another case - one I’m still involved with - involves a group of experienced players and a drummer who had a kit but literally couldn’t keep a beat. All great people, though, and after only a few years the dude’s rock solid and we groove like mad. Two talented ladies in that group, too.
There’s often more than one path to greatness.
I have all of that AND a cool Fender bass, but I don't live anywhere near there so, oh wellIn other news-my Guitarist seems set on a female bass player for our band(i am Lead singer).
He says so she can sing harmony or something. Surely finding a female bass player is rare, one that wants to play in a 80's rock band with a bunch of old guys is close to seeing a unicorn with a rainbow cape.
I tend to judge peeps on playing ability and harmonies regardless of gender.
OH unless they have a cool Fender bass(but that's another thread).
View attachment 3624934
Ah, Geography, thy heartless bitch, keeping honest musicians apart. Musicians in Liechtenstein don’t have this issue.I have all of that AND a cool Fender bass, but I don't live anywhere near there so, oh well
Well said.
@LBS-bass That would be wonderful! We would be lucky to have you -our crappy bar band would sail to new heights hitching our wagon to your star.
Alas, Texas is quite a long conversation away from Cali.
Keep on Truckin!
Alas, Texas is quite a long conversation away from Cali.
Keep on Truckin!
Wars have been started over beautiful women and men are men, whether they are toddlers or 'adults'
Nothing personal, it's primal, that he/she, he/he/ she/she, he/she/he/she/he sex thang
I could not have you in my band under any condition
<==toddler==>
Nothing personal, it's primal, that he/she, he/he/ she/she, he/she/he/she/he sex thang
I could not have you in my band under any condition
<==toddler==>
Interesting. Because she’s too pretty or just because she’s a she? Because your bandmates be fighting for her attention even knowing she’s gay, a jealous spouse thing, or what?
i would be the problem. my guys would be fine. =p
yes, looks would have something to do with it.
/woof goes the dog
yes, looks would have something to do with it.
/woof goes the dog
sad...
"men are men"
Not really. There are a lot of things you have no control over. You do have control over how you want to act. Using 'men are men' is the laziest excuse I've heard (often). If you want to behave a certain way, at least have the balls to say "I act like this because that's how I like it"
lol I’m still not really understanding the issue here. She’s 100% off the market - couldn’t you just enjoy being around a pretty woman, the benefits she would bring (musical and aesthetic) to the band, without it being an issue? Surely you’re in close proximity to other pretty women you can’t/don’t hit on?
I’m around a large number of very attractive women, some in my office and some architects and owners. I’ve hit on none of them, and the only one who expressed an interest in me did so tastefully and immediately dropped it when I told her I was taken. I’m sure that Rutrho has faced this even more as engineering still tends to be male oriented. I do understand that being in a band is somewhat different given the late nights and alcohol and potential overnight travel, and I’m not surprised that spouses might have a problem. But honestly I’m quite surprised that a hetero male wouldn’t want to be around a pretty woman regardless of lack of sexual potential. Given the problems inherent in mixing work and play, I would think her being “super duper gay” would actually be a good thing.
Funny, I can control myself around attractive men and women.
Perhaps you should add that to your resume as it's apparently a rare superpower.
This reminded me of an ex I had who thought my playing music was staying up all night, playing loud gigs, getting stupid drunk, doing a ton of illicit drugs, sleeping with different women, trashing hotel rooms and spending money I didn't have. I asked her where she got that idea from and she told me, from the movies and bands like Motley Crue. I told her this is not the 80's and it's a small acoustic, low key set in a small venue and I'm the bassist, we don't ever get the attention!
lol That's akin to "Sorry I'm late, but I got here as fast as I wanted to" or "Sorry, I wish I could, but I don't want to". Own it.
Lol, rite? Being sober is another one that people get weird around sometimes too.
One thing I've found is the dudes who get all like "boys only club" have really really poor interpersonal skills and emotional maturity and often use the "boys are boys" line as a way for them to not be accountable for their own behaviours and unwillingness to even attempt to grow as a man. Not something I want to be around, all said.
Plus i like knowing where those folks are so I can give them a ton of crap for it and needle them endlessly.
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Yeah, what is with that? I don't mind having a beer during practice but when I gig, I rarely drink and do not partake in any drugs. When a jam band asked me to audition a few times, they got super stoned before practice and I was the only sober one, it got very strange. I guess I was too sober and not feeling the music cause I wasn't asked to come back.
Right? Even when I smoked weed I couldn't play worth a damn. But that kind of matters to some folks I guess.
You know, most likely it's not his wife that has the issue, it's him. I know there are jealous people out there but to mention "anxiety" probably means he cheated on her at one point or another, or someone else did. And to prefer male as oppose to female, yeah, that's something I would have an issue with since you obviously know your stuff according to their response.
