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Am I asking too much from the drummer?

#41
logdrum said:
It is interesting that such trivial things get discussed here. I am surprised I even read up to page 2 myself. Maybe it will make me a better bassist and increase my newly acquired apathy towards drummers.

:cool::bag::help:
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It's not trivial.

A question was asked. Answers were put forth.

Bands have broken up because of such simple misunderstandings.

And...I don't know if you've looked, but there's a lot of forums here that will make you a better bassist. This one is to make you a better band member.
 
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#42
I ran a country band for a couple of years and we lost our first drummer because the vocalist decided it would be a good idea to carpool. The drummer came to me whining about it and the vocalist really got on his nerves as well. I told him to man up and tell the guy no. He didn't like confronting people so he decided to leave the band instead. It was a great loss as he was a fabulous drummer.

Funny thing is I had told the vocalist he had overstayed his welcome and he didn't believe me. He insisted that everything was great between them. He held on to this belief even after the drummer quit.
 
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#46
LBS-bass said:
Not everyone wants to share space or be tied to someone else's schedule. He might want to go somewhere after practice or maybe he wants the option to leave early. You just never know. When I was younger I always felt trapped if I didn't have my own vehicle and escape possibilities.
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Also, I carpooled briefly with a guy who wanted me to be in his band and all he did was talk about politics during the long drive. I was not on the same side of the fence as he was, and it made me very uncomfortable as basically it was a nonstop barrage of insults as for some reason he assumed I would be on his side of the fence. I declined to join that band, partly due to that.
 
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#47
I do a 45 minute carpool with one of my guitarists to our biweekly jams. He lives about 5 minutes away from me. We trade off the driving session to session. Works OK.

I would prefer to drive alone. I prefer doing my driving solo and I'm not a great passenger. What kills me is he's always 5-10 minutes behind schedule. I'm the guy who thinks you're late if you're not five minutes early. Also, I like to stage my gear in the car well before leaving rather than rushing the load in when its his turn to drive. And of course its better for the environment.

Even with all my peculiarities, we make it work. We have awesome conversations and the drive feels like 15 minutes, not 45.

However, in one band years ago, I was kind of coerced to carpool with the keys player in that band - he didn't own a car and we jammed way out in the suburbs. Again, he lived only a few minutes away from me but he lived on a busy street with no parking so it was always a game to get him loaded in. It was also winter, so that was a double pain. He was never ready on time and smelled like he smoked 1000 cigarettes just before getting in my car. That situation didn't last long.
 
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#48
LBS-bass said:
...I carpooled briefly with a guy who wanted me to be in his band and all hid did was talk about politics during the long drive.
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Been there, done that, on the opposite sides of the fence too, and he always prefaces it with "I don't mean to be all political, but..." THEN DON'T!!!!! Just shut up right there! Drives me nuts.
 
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#49
LBS-bass said:
Not everyone wants to share space or be tied to someone else's schedule. He might want to go somewhere after practice or maybe he wants the option to leave early. You just never know. When I was younger I always felt trapped if I didn't have my own vehicle and escape possibilities.
Click to expand...

Same here - and that feeling is just as strong today as it was a couple of decades ago. Always be self-sufficient - and that includes being able to get home!
 
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#52
Lbs...you know, Jerry Garcia always made a point to leave politics far and away from the band I think that was wise...personally I don't want to hear about it..I remember a time when people just didn't discuss that stuff..kind of like religion...better left to each their own..

As for the ride; I totally get the alone time thing...I used to hate being alone, but now as I am getting older I seem to put a much higher value on alone time...maybe I am turning introverted or maybe I am just getting sick of people in general..ha ha..but I wouldn't read into his wanting to be alone too much. its all good.
 
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#54
90 minutes for rehearsal? Man, that's a lot more than I'd be up for, but if you're cool with it...

I have had the opposite problem: a band mate who has no driving license (and of course no car) because reasons. Always bumming rides. Likes to complain about not having money for an Uber.
He also enjoys certain leafy substances which I will not tolerate in my house or vehicle for various reasons, the main one being "Because it's my truck and I F'ing said so".​

I tried not to explain to him that owning a vehicle, paying for fuel, maintenance, taxes, fees, and insurance costs more than a few Uber rides, and therefore please cry me a river, because logic is not his strongest quality and I'd be wasting my breath.

So somebody repeatedly bugging me to carpool with them would get on my last nerve pretty quick. Thanks for asking, now stop asking. There comes a point where being aggressive about being nice isn't nice anymore.
 
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#56
The guy isn't a taxi service, and if he was "gas money" doesn't cover a cab fare. He's not obligated to drive you anywhere. It's solely your responsibility to get to and fro rehearsal.

I mean.. not to harp on you but the very first band I ever joined the "singer" didn't have a reliable vehicle especially in the rain as it had this shoddy plastic removable "top". Next he was asking me to pick his girlfriend up from work.. eventually talked his way into me letting him stay in my apartment rent free...to top it off he got a job at the same bar I was working at at the time and pretty much drove me mental.

NEVER AGAIN. It's hard enough for some of us to get out of the door and get anywhere on time without having to also be responsible for someone else. You asked.. he said no. It's not his or anyone else's fault you don't have reliable transportation of your own. Kind of like a job.. where the application tends to ask "Do you have reliable transportation?"

It's okay to ask, but if he says no and that offends you.. well.. there's a cliche involving 3 fingers pointing back at you.
 
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