Am I being two-timed?

[gln1955]

We have not played a paying gig yet just a bunch of free ones.

Might this be the reason your singer hooked up with the piano man? How long have y'all been together? Not enough progress to suit her?

 

[Space Pickle]

This is perfectly acceptable, and I would take it as motivation to work on your chops. Jazz is hard music.

 

[bikeplate]

I learned a long time ago that I come first. I'm in as many bands that I can handle. I book with whoever books me first and for the most $$. I don't worry about lumps like "bob" because I'm booked and doing great. Gotta take control of your career. Guys like this should mean nothing to you

 

[Jason Hollar]

One of the singers I work with does a lot of duo gigs simply because there's not enough money for the trio. When there's a decent budget, I get the call. When it's a bigger, better paying gig, we might even hire a drummer.

Don't take it personally. Just go out and book better gigs and hire "Bob" and the singer when you can!

 

[Grumry]

I am currently in a jazz trio (singer, guitar, bass). We have been looking for a piano player to round out our mix. A while back we auditioned a piano player who was excellent. We liked "Bob" and invited him to join us. Well Bob decided not to join us which came as no surprise since he was out of our league in terms of talent. Well we come to find out that he and the singer have been doing gigs together around town. Last Saturday there was a music festival where the trio played a few songs, then later in the evening the singer and Bob did a few songs.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with musicians being in more than one band. Heck I play in my church band. But I do have a problem with being rejected. Bob obviously did not think the guitar player and me were talented enough. It's like going to an event where your ex-wife shows up with her new husband.

What are your thoughts?

My advice would have been to stick it out for the kids and not have an ex wife with a new trophy.

I'm kidding. Murder/suicide would have have ended better.

I'm still kidding.

If you're still gigging as the trio then what is your problem?

 

[Manticore]

I know "Bob." He has spent many hours in the woodshed and is now a fantastic player. Bob also learned the craft of getting on well with others; he's a great guy. I'll play with Bob every chance I get, and so will others. Bob wants to work daily and succeed at his craft; Bob understands the best way to do that is to play with others as often as possible. Bob is excellent at networking. Bob plays everywhere with everyone!
Be like Bob.

 

[Engle]

If you let negative feelings affect you when they are triggered by the actions of other people, you are letting those people control you.

Stuff those negative feelings away somewhere and forget about them. Look for positive angles in every situation. Sometimes you can find something positive and sometimes you can't. Whatever you do, DON'T let other people control your emotions. Be your own hero and capitalize on the situation. If nothing else, use those guys as inspiration. They are doing what you wanna do, so you can't blame them. Feel glad for them! If you really feel it's your talent that's holding you back then practice.

Tell them you saw the gig and thought they were amazing. Tell them you really want to be up there with them and you are working hard on your chops to get better. And do exactly that.

If you can express that kind of positivity people will want to be around you. Don't believe me?

Think about if the situation were reversed and you had two band members that weren't invited to the gig for whatever reason. One of them says the above to you and the other acts however you are acting now. Who would you be most enthused about practicing with?

Great advice!

 

[esoxhntr]

I don't see the issue. He liked the singer and is working with her. Don't take it personally.

Exactly... in the working music world, people work with people, who work with other people. You should too. Find a horn player to work with, and book other gigs. Or another vocalist. Get used to the idea of gigging with different folks. Learn lots of tunes. Work hard. Maybe someday that piano player will ask you to play in his band. Never stop working, never stop networking. Stay on good terms with the vocalist, she may still need you for gigs. Don't be possessive - unless she's your wife, then you are free to throw a tantrum and deep six "Bob"...

 

[modulusman]

Maybe Bob is boning her.

 

[esoxhntr]

We have not played a paying gig yet just a bunch of free ones.

I wonder how the singer would feel if I formed another jazz trio with a better looking and more talented singer then asked if we could play the next music festival.

Just a bunch of free ones? Sorry, you have no right to complain - if the singer has an opportunity to earn money and better herself, good on her.

How would the singer feel if you got a better and more talented vocalist? Irrelevant... this is a band, not a romantic relationship. Stop treating it like one.

 

[esoxhntr]

Maybe Bob is boning her.

Bob is the keymaster, and the vocalist is the gatekeeper?

 

[tbz]

It is 2016.

Paying gigs aren't anywhere near as common or lucrative as they were 15-20 years ago.

You kind of have to expect line ups to be fluid, unless people are on contract and there is a lot of money to be had in the "main" band.

So. Yeah. This seems pretty standard.

 

[Axtman]

So the question becomes where does "loyalty" come into play? Is there such a thing anymore? Do I owe the trio any loyalty?

I saw a TED talk once where a CEO described her company as a "team" not a "family". I think what she meant was if someone better comes along, you're out. Unfortunately I don't think she realized that the sword cuts both ways. People working for those companies have no loyalty to the company and will jump ship at any better position that comes along. Anyhow that is another discussion for another thread.

 

[Acoop]

It's happened to us all. ... Putting faith and trust, understanding and time and have it blow up in ones face. ... Next day we lick our wounds pick up our instruments and get to work. ... There is no, 'this way' or 'that way' to success. ... 90% of success is showing up. ... Just keep showing up.

 

[vin*tone]

Isn't the whole idea of jazz to jam with other musicians?

 

[elgecko]

So the question becomes where does "loyalty" come into play? Is there such a thing anymore? Do I owe the trio any loyalty?...

If you have a gig or rehearsal booked with the trio then you should definitely make it a priority to show up. Beyond that, "loyalty" isn't really a thing in jazz, as much as you'd like it to be.

 

[ToneMonkey]

So the question becomes where does "loyalty" come into play? Is there such a thing anymore? Do I owe the trio any loyalty?

I saw a TED talk once where a CEO described her company as a "team" not a "family". I think what she meant was if someone better comes along, you're out. Unfortunately I don't think she realized that the sword cuts both ways. People working for those companies have no loyalty to the company and will jump ship at any better position that comes along. Anyhow that is another discussion for another thread.

My experience is that bands have to decide if they are a pure meritocracy (i.e., the best available player at any position gets the slot), or is it a friends/hobby thing, in which case stuff like loyalty counts as much as ability. Personally, I prefer meritocracies. It's more straightforward and doesn't involve nearly as much butt snorkeling, which wears me out over time.

 

[SanDiegoHarry]

I am currently in a jazz trio (singer, guitar, bass). We have been looking for a piano player to round out our mix. A while back we auditioned a piano player who was excellent. We liked "Bob" and invited him to join us. Well Bob decided not to join us which came as no surprise since he was out of our league in terms of talent. Well we come to find out that he and the singer have been doing gigs together around town. Last Saturday there was a music festival where the trio played a few songs, then later in the evening the singer and Bob did a few songs.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with musicians being in more than one band. Heck I play in my church band. But I do have a problem with being rejected. Bob obviously did not think the guitar player and me were talented enough. It's like going to an event where your ex-wife shows up with her new husband.

What are your thoughts?

Happens all the time.

Being in a band is not unlike dating, but there is no engagement and there is no ring.

 

[lvbass]

I think you are probably more upset with the sneaking around rather than the actual performance. Its happened to me, a long boring story, but it turned out alright in the end. I understood the reason why I was not asked to play, but I really wished everyone had been upfront about it. Once lies enter a relationship it takes a long time to re-establish trust.
The good news is you did not lose money because you had no paying gigs.

 

[Gaolee]

Did the gigs the piano player and singer did take away from what you are doing? If not, then no problem.