Anybody hate talking/listening to small talk all the time?

[Pilgrim]

How do you guys interact with crowds or mingle at gigs without smalltalk? Just a "hey thanks for comin" and thats it? I think it takes a little more than that to be memorable.

In Colorado, you can start with "how 'bout them Broncos?" and take it from there.

Or ask what microbrews they like...and listen to the answer.

Or ask about their kids - you'll be able to spend the next five minutes just nodding and not having to say a word.

I always like to find out where they went to college (most people have degrees in the groups I meet) and then we can talk about alumni stuff.

 

[kserg]

In Colorado, you can start with "how 'bout them Broncos?" and take it from there.

Or ask what microbrews they like...and listen to the answer.

Or ask about their kids - you'll be able to spend the next five minutes just nodding and not having to say a word.

I always like to find out where they went to college (most people have degrees in the groups I meet) and then we can talk about alumni stuff.

So do people brake down and cry when you ask about the broncos?

 

[Chebass88]

...How do you guys interact with crowds or mingle at gigs without smalltalk? Just a "hey thanks for comin" and thats it? I think it takes a little more than that to be memorable.

I might not like it, but I still use it when I need to.

 

[Shredder8]

I am totally like that. Parties and large gatherings wear me out; I need quiet time to recharge afterwards. It's not that I don't like people, I'd just rather have a meaningful conversation with one or two people than make trivial small talk with a big group.

My suggestions for the OP (which you didn't ask for, but here they are anyway):
1. Embrace your introversion. Realize it's not a disorder or weakness, it's just a different way of relating to the world, and you can make a valuable contribution to the world just the way you are.

2. Develop some coping skills for large social gatherings, because lots of people like them and there will be some that you just can't avoid. Skim the newspaper before you go, ask open ended questions ("What do you think about ..."), offer to help the host set up or clean up, etc.

Great suggestions! I know I should work on #2 but it's so hard...lol I think helping the host to set up/clean up would be better because it's all action and no talk

 

[Shredder8]

You seem to be alright with posting and sharing in the TB community.

-Mike

Forums typically are an environment where people think BEFORE they type instead of spewing whatever's on their mind without any filters. That's kind of why I like socializing online than IRL, plus like some other posters said, you can come and go as you like on your own time rather than sit and try to think of an excuse to leave.

 

[Shredder8]

...So yesterday this guy cuts me off in traffic and I'm like OH EM GEE, so I merge left because I always drive on the right - You know, that's what you're supposed to do - do you drive on the right? You're supposed to use the left to pass only, but this guy - or was it a lady? He or she speeds up really fast and then hits his or her brakes and I was really glad it wasn't raining - You know, it hasn't rained in a while. It's gotten so dry - I hope they don't ban fireworks this summer because it's too dry - You know my cousin works for the the fireworks stands twice a year? He doesn't hardly make any money at it, but he says he just likes to be around the people - kids get so exited at the fireworks stands - Do you have kids? My two boys are just about to get out of school for the year - One's in the fourth grade and the other is in the second. Do you know what Helen Baker said the other day?....

It's scary how much I can relate to this...

 

[Shredder8]

A couple of days ago a small-talking, new neighbour had me cornered so I asked: "Are you into computers?" He was gone in under 30 seconds.

If someone wants my time then they'll have to speak in terms of our mutual interests. Otherwise we both have better things to do.

So much truth here!

 

[KevInDaBassment]

Dead air is more annoying to me than small talk. I'm typically a good group conversationalist, but I try hard not to dominate the conversation...kind of hard when everyone is so quiet though. It's all about give and take, that and putting yourself aside for a moment and listening to something the other person is interested in for a bit. As soon as they are done gushing about their kids, you can tell them where you stand on the Tube vs SS debate and the bass you KNOW is best for metal

 

[bolophonic]

I have a couple of strategies for avoiding smalltalk at gatherings. The first is kind of a game: when meeting someone very new, I try to figure out who we know in common. Last year, I was at a random dinner party in Cincinnati, a town where I don't know a single soul. I was seated next to an industrial designer from South America. It only took about 15 minutes to figure out that he knew a friend of mine from 20 years ago: an Italian guy who imports high-end European bathroom fixtures in Chicago.

Another thing that helps is to avoid any uninteresting work talk: rather than asking what someone does for a living, I just ask, "so, what are you into?" That usually allows the other person to open up about a hobby or an interest, rather than forcing them to describe a career they are bored with.

For what it's worth, conversation skills have to be developed over time. I am good at it now, but I much prefer to be home by myself or with close friends and family.

 

[Ziltoid]

Small talk is kind of what you make out of it.

 

[MatticusMania]

Like bolophonic stated up there... I avoid small talk by having conversations. I like how he stated it as "kind of a game". Its just a matter of directing the conversation. When someone starts talking about something youre not interested in, change the subject, or spin it in an interesting direction.

 

[MakiSupaStar]

Well when people start small talking with me, often the ADD kicks in and I start finishing their sentences, and depending on whether I'm buzzed or not, sometimes I start steering their conversations into devious areas.

 

[MatticusMania]

and depending on whether I'm buzzed or not, sometimes I start steering their conversations into devious areas.

Im sure I'll be doing a whole lot of that at my Bday party tomorrow.
When a girl posts that she "hopes other people are as secretly perveted" as she is, and she likes my response "Secretly?" its bound to happen...

May my cup runneth o'er!

 

[Kaa]

I don't have to listen to small talk, when I enter a conversation, I just overwhelm people with my never-ending stream of verbiage. My wife has to steer me away from people who are starting to glaze over. I don't do it on purpose, I just have this issue.

 

[jebmd]

I know I'm an introvert. I can put up with a minimal amount of small talk to try and get to some meat and potato conversations, but it never seems to get there.

What I can't seem to tolerate is long, wordy stories about people I don't know nor have I ever met. I'll try and start a conversation and make a two sentence point, and then here comes the eight paragraph response that has no point whatsoever and I can't seem to get away from.

Maybe it's the fact that these stories are so uninteresting to me. I really try and listen...

I guess my biggest complaint is people never, ever, getting to their point.

BTW I've read about 50 posts in this thread that deserve a +1

 

[Passinwind]

How do you guys interact with crowds or mingle at gigs without smalltalk? Just a "hey thanks for comin" and thats it? I think it takes a little more than that to be memorable.

"Hi, is your mom here? Is she hot?"

 

[MatticusMania]

I know I'm an introvert. I can put up with a minimal amount of small talk to try and get to some meat and potato conversations, but it never seems to get there.

Im the same way. If I cant steer the convo into some real conversation I'll make an excuse and walk away.
As time goes on by, I find there are less and less people I actually care to converse with.

 

[LiquidMidnight]

Like I said earlier in this thread, I'm not a huge fan of small talk. However, that doesn't mean we have to be engaged in a deep discussion of postmodern critique of neocolonial's influence on existential cybertech culture for me to be engaged. Simply chatting about a good sushi bar or an interesting blog is enough to get my attention.

 

[carlthegroover]

Whenever I go to a party, I can't stay for very long. I want to leave within 10 minutes and just go home and listen to some music or play. I can't stand talking about traffic, people's commutes, cute things their kids did, etc. Such meaningless trivial crap that doesn't matter at all. I thought there might be something wrong with me but I read this on stumbleupon http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/

That part about hating small talk and needing to recharge is SO me. It's great to have an identity and know that I'm not a freak. Anybody else here an introvert?

I feel you, man. I'm fairly introverted myself. While I don't "hate" it, I get bored of small talk very, very quickly.

 

[eddiemac]

I'm just like you introverts -- anybody notice we're all bass players? Is it possible that bassists tend to be introverts --- always in a supporting role, underpinning someone else's musical statements, waiting to see what the song demands of us? We get in trouble when we drive the band, although I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm driving the band (thought it was a compliment, don't think they meant it to be). If anybody is humble in the band, it's usually the bass player. Am I wrong? I hate small talk --- get to the root!