Band members who drink

[Bunk McNulty]

Had a front man about 13 years ago who would get hammered before during and after gigs. One night he started verbally abusing the audience. We pulled a "rock n roll intervention" on him. He was no longer allowed to start drinking before the third set.
This is a business for me. Yes I love to play. Yes I'm good at it...but professionals drink and drug on their own time.

In the early 2000s, I worked for a North Carolina blues artist, name redacted to protect the guilty: We'd get through the first set, and he'd go out into the parking lot or wherever with his buddies and drink cognac and smoke weed. Then he'd get back on stage too wasted to do anything, and ask me to sing. Several times, I pointed out to him that the audience had come to hear him sing, not me. He never understood that he was supposed to be the entertainer at the party, not a participant.
The other thing he'd do, when he was really lit, was to put his arm around me and say "I want you to be my musical director!" Fortunately, I had heard from former bandmembers that the name they used behind his back was "B.B. Amin." So I knew not to take him seriously.
Was there an upside? Yeah. He always paid me fairly. I lasted a year.

 

[Basvarken]

Record a gig where he's drunk. And let him listen to it.
If he then still thinks it's cool to be drunk on stage, he needs help (or you're in the wrong band).

 

[friskinator]

How is this guy getting home after the gigs? If he is your friend, maybe you should approach it that way. If he's driving.

Correct. He's eventually going to get a DUI, which will affect the band in several ways. Even worse, he could hurt someone on the way home.

 

[tb-player]

What if he plays a gig completely straight… and sucks???

 

[Five or Six]

Obviously you personally and the band as a whole don't have a problem with this or he'd be gone already. You can mention it all you want but, you can't reason with a drunk. You won't be able to protect him from himself until he bottoms out, if he does?

Hopefully he doesn't drive and kill himself, someone else or both. Remember this, if drinking at a gig and he get drunk, drives and gets in an accident hurting / killing himself or someone else, the bar / private party may become legally liable and be sued. Then the inclusive thing becomes possible, then the band may get in the legal mix.? As long as you let this go you are enablers. Friends or not, the band needs to make a collective decision. Put up or shut up. Obviously it's been put up.

 

[ebo]

People who are adamant on staying sober can't tolerate people who drink. Because people who drink are doing something that you view as negative. That's not a relationship to base a band on. Leave them be and let them do their own thing. Find people who don't drink. Those are your options.

I’ve been sober 30+ years, since just before my first child was born. I have no problem being around drinkers and don’t judge their choices. Drinking isn’t wrong, it was just wrong for me. I go dancing in bars and play bars all the time and I have no issue with it. But being in a band with a fall down drunk? Not gonna happen. I had a drummer that would go pee mid set because he drank so much. He was a really good drummer but nope. If this guy is a friend and you care about him, don’t let him off the hook but realize he’ll come around on his own terms, never yours.

 

[bucephylus]

Alcohol is a VERY serious and addictive drug, which humanity has used for untold generations. My family (not immediate) and extended family have both had individuals with serious issues. Not a joking matter. It certainly can ruin people.

With that said, there is the reputed Churchill quote, “There are two kinds of problem drinkers Chief Whip; those who drink too much and those who drink too little.”

I think the actual point is one has to know what makes sense. There are certainly musical situations where a little caffeine, if anything, makes the most sense. There are other musical situations where a round of beers is ok. It’s a matter of using common sense.

Problem drinkers are medically compromised and need all the help they can get. We do our best in this regard; but, there are situations that can be pretty difficult.

Study hard, be prepared, try to support your family and friends to the best of your ability. Above all, be gracious.

 

[wiscoaster]

WRT how you handle it, I'd suggest handling it as a performance issue. You can't dictate or control his behavior, that's his choice, but if a behavior adversely affects the group's performance then the group has a legitimate reason to require him to either perform as required or be discharged and replaced. Same as in any job. It's up to him to choose and accept the consequences of his choice.

 

[LawrenceKanter]

Hey, I'm in Park Slope/Gowanus. Are you nearby?

 

[2saddleslab]

I'm the only drinker in my trio and our band tab consists of 1 bourbon on the rocks.

Thankfully my BL stopped drinking almost 6 years ago. It's the only reason he's alive, we were able to record our 1st full length CD, and in the studio now to record our 2nd.

 

[LawrenceKanter]

We are in NYC, so driving is not an issue.

 

[cnltb]

Band members who drink

No.

 

[lbbc]

We drink at our gigs. Rule of thumb...1 after we set up and 1 on first break (while chatting with the members of the audience)...then water for the rest of the night. No one gets sloppy or "out of the way". I don't want to be "that guy" but as the BL, I want my guys to have fun but realize we're there to entertain not party!!!

 

[dalkowski]

Unless an ultimatum from his bandmates is his "rock bottom" moment (in which case he'd be a damn lucky guy), I doubt anything you say or do will make a lasting difference.

I wish you (and him) only the best.

 

[CryingBass]

Whenever I read a thread like this I always recommend watching the first season of the series Vinyl. Says it all.

 

[FullumMusic]

What if he plays a gig completely straight… and sucks???

Hehehe, that would be a sign of a much bigger issue.

But yeah, some people definitely rely on the "rush of intoxication" to perform. They're in a perpetual tight-rope walk between just enough buzz to "feel it" or to crush the stage fright or self consciousness, but not so intoxicated that they start playing poorly again. They're not the most reliable people to have in your band, and again, it's a sign of a bigger issue that they need to deal with. And probably one of the only ways for them to fix this is to play sober often enough to "feel it" again without chemical assistance, which takes time and discipline.

 

[RGerhart]

Man, that's a tough situation. He's got most of the leverage in this case, so the only thing I would suggest is to record one of your gigs or rehearsals as usual. Then, convince your buddy to play a gig or have a rehearsal sober, and record it. I'm 99% sure that the sober recording will sound better, so play it back to your buddy and show him actual evidence that playing sober (or close to it) is better for you guys musically. Maybe also suggest to your buddy to simply wait until you guys are done playing, then he can drink.

 

[2saddleslab]

Man, that's a tough situation. He's got most of the leverage in this case, so the only thing I would suggest is to record one of your gigs or rehearsals as usual. Then, convince your buddy to play a gig or have a rehearsal sober, and record it. I'm 99% sure that the sober recording will sound better, so play it back to your buddy and show him actual evidence that playing sober (or close to it) is better for you guys musically. Maybe also suggest to your buddy to simply wait until you guys are done playing, then he can drink.

Many years ago I knew of a drunk [in every sense of the word] who saw a video of himself under the influence and was so embarrassed that he stopped drinking that day and never drank again. A recording, especially video, just might help.

 

[tb-player]

Hehehe, that would be a sign of a much bigger issue.

But yeah, some people definitely rely on the "rush of intoxication" to perform. They're in a perpetual tight-rope walk between just enough buzz to "feel it" or to crush the stage fright or self consciousness, but not so intoxicated that they start playing poorly again. They're not the most reliable people to have in your band, and again, it's a sign of a bigger issue that they need to deal with. And probably one of the only ways for them to fix this is to play sober often enough to "feel it" again without chemical assistance, which takes time and discipline.

It can also be anxiety-related. I know guys who need a shot or a 1/2 gummy to calm nerves.

 

[Geddy Claypool]

Record some rehearsals and record some shows. They don’t have to be amazing quality, but good enough so that you can hear everything clearly.

Then he should be able to hear how much sloppier the playing is the more intoxicated he gets.

If he can’t hear the difference, there’s a problem. If he can hear the difference but thinks it’s not a problem, it’s a problem. If he can hear the difference, acknowledges it’s a problem, and still can’t stop, it’s a bigger problem than the context of your band.

I think if you come at it criticizing the drinking you’ll get pushback. If you approach it with demonstrable evidence that the music is suffering you probably have a better chance of him choosing to change his behavior.

But it sounds like being in a band and playing music is a fun vehicle for him to party, and the end goal is the party, not making music. And in theory, that’s fine (putting aside for the moment if the partying is a fun social partying or an unhealthy/dangerous/addiction-driven partying.) But if his main goal for the music is to party and your main goal is to make great music, you might not be compatible in the same band. If he has to party less to make music better in ways he doesn’t care about, he’ll start resenting you for killing his party. And if you have to continually suffer through sub-standard performances so he can party, you’re gonna start resenting him (which it sounds like you might already be feeling, with respect to the band.) Might be time to think about a lineup change or new project.

If the issue really is alcoholism, and not just overindulgence when the band is relying on him to play, that goes way beyond getting him to sober up for shows.

I’ve always been of the mindset that I don’t care what my band mates do before the set so long as they can play well. That said, it’s extremely rare that I meet someone who can play as good as they think they can when they’re drunk or high-az-f. Anything more than a “respectable amount” of anything and there’s noticeable drop off in performance.

Just wanted to quote to say that every part this response is is awesome. Super level-headed, non-judgmental, and approaches the situation in a healthy way.