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Bizarre things people say during practices

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by artechoke, Mar 24, 2014.

  1. artechoke


    Nov 9, 2012
    Rhode Island
    My band dissolved a couple of weeks ago because our drummer is moving to Kentucky (!@#!$)—and I was thinking about some of the weird things we've said to each another. I wanted to write this stuff down before I forget it all (I know I've already forgotten some good ones, its frustrating).

    Most of the head shaking stuff came from the singer:

    Singer vs Bass

    singer: Why don't you do a bass run or a fill or something during that part?

    me: Well <guitar player> is already arpeggiating all of the chords, and its getting too noisy. I'm just going to keep it simple.

    singer: There you go with those five dollar words again!

    me: arpeggio? Have you ever heard defenestrate?

    Singer vs Bass

    singer: oh you like Peaveys? I have a Peavey bass, you'd really like it. (I think he said it was a Foundation)

    me: Cool.

    singer: I converted it to frettless by tearing the frets out and filling the cracks, but I never finished the job. Have you ever done that to a bass?

    me: No.

    singer: What?! You haven't!?

    I can't over emphasize how shocked he was.

    Singer vs Guitar

    singer: don't take offense at this, but your solo should be more !#@!$ed up.

    guitar: ...

    Bass vs Singer

    me: <singer> you should do heroine.

    singer: What? No! I've never done anything like that, never will.

    me: Bear with me.

    me: Phillip Seymour Hoffman before heroine: Phillip Seymour Hoffman—actor!

    me: Phillip Seymour Hoffman after heroine: Phillip Seymour Hoffman—LEGEND!

    singer: I don't wanna be a legend.

    Bass vs Guitar

    guitar: the progression goes like this.

    bass: are those all major chords?

    guitar: yeah.

    bass: ever think of putting some minors in there? You know, mix it up a little?

    guitar: ...no.

    Maybe it was funny if you were there... maybe not. I know there about a million other weird conversations, but they all sort of smear together into one gigantic blur at this point. The singer was always going on about being an expert at things that he wasn't an expert at...
    SeamzKing, Brazilfunk and avillani89 like this.
  2. kcole4001


    Oct 7, 2009
    Nova Scotia
    Singers are often quite 'special'.

    We had one come to rehearsal, and place his mic in the clip on the stand (and not even plugged in yet), and say
    "There, I'm set up. What's taking you guys so long?"

    I also had one tell me that practice was still on, even though we were in the midst of a raging snowstorm.
    I show up at the guitar player's house, he's still at work, and the singer had decided to 'fix' the guitar player's cabinet, which was a small home built 1X15.
    The singer cut out the baffle and changed it to a 2X10 (with a different baffle obviously).
    The guitar player freaked out when he finally got home several hours later.
    Brazilfunk likes this.
  3. rtav

    rtav Millionaire Stuntman, Half-Jackalope

    Dec 12, 2008
    Chicago, IL
    Brazilfunk likes this.
  4. 'Heroine' as in a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities or 'heroin' as in a highly addictive analgesic drug derived from morphine?

    SeamzKing likes this.
  5. artechoke


    Nov 9, 2012
    Rhode Island
    Why? Why would anyone do that? I've got nothing on that. That's insane.

    Well, he usually didn't have anything good to say about the former. Incidentally has anyone heard the term, "clown face?" His typical conversations about, "heroines" were usually along those lines. If you don't know what I'm talking about, do yourself a favour and don't look it up. Its not good. It was an educational moment I'd rather hadn't happened.

    @rtav, thank you sir.
  6. Gaolee

    Gaolee Outta my way! I'm caffeinated! Supporting Member

    Singerbabe gets very creative at times, and it goes strange and sometimes wonderous places. We should probably make a catalog of the stuff she says. She had some competition yesterday. Drummerbabe who just turned 27 was explaining about blue pills. I asked her why she knew what color those pills were and all about them and I (54) didn't. Lots of laughing and off color comments after the pause.
    Klonk likes this.
  7. Biggbass


    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    Lead Guitarist: "anyone care for a Klondike Bar"?
  8. HockeyDawg


    Oct 12, 2012
    Drummer: Is it break time yet?
  9. 73jbass

    73jbass Supporting Member

    Apr 17, 2004
    Guitarist) "That has to be the right key because its on the fretmarkers".

    I personally heard that one about 10 years ago. Idiot.
  10. StereoPlayer


    Aug 29, 2010
    I was singing backups to Mexian Radio...at a rehearsal.....
    Guitarist....hey, there isn't any backup vocals in that part!
    Me....are ya gonna stop the other 50 people singing it in the bar?
  11. I totally get not wanting to be a "legend" if it ends up like P.S. Hoffman.
  12. In a cover band years ago... Lady friend shows up to her first rehearsal with us. I had a mic ready for her. She walks in with a wireless headset mic and asks where to plug it in. I see that there are no batteries in the transmitter and ask where the receiver is.

    "The what?"
    embellisher, devntran and HeavyJazz like this.
  13. rtav

    rtav Millionaire Stuntman, Half-Jackalope

    Dec 12, 2008
    Chicago, IL
    That would be everything coming out of the mouth of our drummer.
  14. Ronbassman


    Jun 1, 2011
    Every time someone was late to rehearsal: "At last, the ROCK STAR has arrived!"
  15. MattZilla


    Jun 26, 2013
    Rehearsal at a furniture refinishing place with a very industrial looking exterior, getting pizza from the delivery dude at the large garage door...

    PDD: two large-

    Klonk likes this.
  16. Danomo

    Danomo Guest

    Apr 25, 2013
    That is funny, especially since I had that same discussion with a guitarist 33 years ago. So I took his guitar and played it with just 1 chord different a (Db maj to a minor).
    It had honestly never occurred to him. I didn't get writing credit because it was an original from before I joined (even though it improved the main riff, bridge, and lyrics).

    On our second day together, I was bombarded with stories of previous bass players and their eccentricities.

    Months later, my then girlfriend came to audition as singer (we were in a Rush phase), the first words spoken to her were: "You like chocolate donuts?...Good!" (Not waiting for a response).
    The gf is now my wife, we still laugh about it.
    Brazilfunk likes this.
  17. Doctor_Clock

    Doctor_Clock The Moon Machine Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2013
    Brooklyn, NY
    I played with a guy for a few years who said all of the following:

    I suggested he take some lessons once and he replied:
    "I don't need to know note names or theory, music comes from the soul, if I learn that it will just make me worse".

    I suggested we try some songs in a minor key, he replied:
    "This song uses a lot of minor keys..LOOK!" he proceed to show me his fingers on the black keys of the piano "see I'm playing the minor keys"

    I was explaining to our guitar player the song we were learning, so I said "It's super simple, it's I -IV- V in C"
    When the drummer asked "what does that mean?"
    He chimes in with this gem: "It means what fret they are playing on, it a way for amateurs to explain to each other how to play things"

  18. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2011
    Drummer shows up for rehearsal with a pump shotgun and tells the guitar player's wife (we were at GP's place)...

    "If the cops show up asking about me I ain't here. If some red headed MF shows up asking about me, don't tell him I'm here, just come get me."

    Fortunately, no cops or red headed MF's showed up.
    Osztertag2112 likes this.
  19. Milk


    Sep 16, 2013
    Montreal, Canada
    I still don't know what those roman numerals sequences mean, I probably could look it up on the interwebs. See I don't know any theory but I also don't try to pretend I know what people are talking about.
  20. morgansterne

    morgansterne Geek U.S.A.

    Oct 25, 2011
    Cleveland Ohio
    nothing wrong with not knowing music theory. Only wrong if you start pretending what stuff means when you really don't.

    I played for a while with a drummer who had a fire alarm type bell as part of his drumset. We're between songs and he does a little roll on the bell.

    "time for school, boys," I say.

    The guitar player leers at us both.
    "It's always time for schoolboys" he says.
    Brazilfunk likes this.