Drummers - ugh

[garp]

Gotta agree with the "second chance" advocates here. Until you get the full story, it's reckless to speculate on his motivation(s).

"I have chosen to remain married, so I must miss our gig"

I have been on the receiving end of similar communiques in the past. Who am I to judge? Some folks choose not to open their personal lives to bandmates, and I completely respect that. Similarly, I don't expect anyone to divulge their medical history to me just because we've performed "Freebird" on stage together. Like other posters here, my suspicion is that "It's too hot" is an ulterior motive, but to automatically give the drummer walking papers is unwarranted. And in the interests of complete transparency, I am a drummer and a bass player.

 

[IamGroot]

I wouldn't fire him, but I would let him know we're looking for a good sub-like yesterday. Another way of handling this it is not say anything, bring your sub up to par then tell him he won't be needed at the next (good) gig because you want to try the sub in case he can't make anymore gigs (at the last minute). Of course he won't like it and he'll be shocked that you brought a guy onboard w/o him knowing but he'll either tighten-up or quit...yes I have been used as a pawn, whore, gunslinger to prove somebody's point.

I did the whore gunslinger routine. Good way to stay in shape.

 

[BAG]

"I have chosen to remain married, so I must miss our gig"

TL/DR.... some wives hate you playing in a band.

I've been involved in a very casual recording project over the last few months. The first jam I wasn't all that impressed with the two guitarist/vocalists (that has changed a bit though) but I was very impressed with the drummer. He and I just locked in together really well and seemed to have a sixth sense as to where fills went and how they would go.

After only two jams he couldn't make it again. The replacement was at the opposite end of the spectrum. The only song we recorded with him had to be scrapped as the tempo and groove changed constantly.

A couple of months later I hear that Drummer #1 can get to a jam or two. Well, we got one song down that night and then, again, he can't make any more sessions.

As chance would have it the lead singer/guitarist (with his wife) bumped into Drummer (and his wife) while both were on a weekend out of town. While chatting LS/G mentions that it would be great if Drummer could come over to lay down a few more tracks. Drummer agrees that they should keep in touch and they both go their ways.

As they walk away LS/G's wife turns to him and said "did you see his wife's face when you suggested him coming over again.... she couldn't have looked more unimpressed if she tried".

Unfortunately for many here on TB (and in music in general) the wives/girlfriends/partners look on what we do musically as something that gets in the way of what they would prefer to do. I'm lucky in that my wife is fully supportive of my musical endeavors but many are not so lucky.

I'd give this guy a chance to come clean as to why he couldn't make it. If he can't at least tell you the real reason you just might want to let him go.

 

[King Kolon]

ALSO
Kickboards come in cool eye catching colors!
View attachment 3494774

I just love it when you use a Kick board on me. It feels Wonderful and Make me Excited

 

[barrenelly]

I was a full-time pro playing six nights a week when my Dad was dying in a hospice eighty miles away. I didn't get to be with him at the end as I didn't get back from the night's gig in time; he died a little sooner than expected in the early hours. That evening I just couldn't find a dep (this was an all sight-reading band with some tricky parts) so had no choice but to go and play. I thought I was doing OK with my pasted-on smile to cover my grief, but during a waltz a couple were dancing near the bandstand, and the man looked up at me and said: "Cheer up, duck, that may never 'appen."

Now I play just as a hobby but would never let my band down unless I were totally unable to get there e.g. medical emergency, vehicle breakdown etc.

 

[NZBassman]

We're in a bit of a drummer dilemma with my current very part time band.

Current drummer lives about 1.2 hours from rehearsal and sometimes cannot make it due to other commitments.

We've just had a month off as others in the band have been on holidays and last week we got back together as we have a gig coming up in a couple of weeks…. Drummer is still away in another part of the country and back next week, so our keys player bought in another drummer he knows just to fill in so we can at least rehearse with some drums.

Well this drummer is great – he’s only 20 (most of the band are in their 50’s) and he has chops and can play songs he’s never heard before….

For instance ‘Watching the Detectives’ by Elvis Costello… he just listened to the intro and a couple of bars of the song – then basically replicated the song exactly…. He has a Roland electric kit, that sounds way better than our drummers older Yamaha electric kit and he has a much better feel than our drummer.

After rehearsal last night we (the rest of the band) were just glowing from the excitement of playing with a ‘real’ drummer……

Unfortunately the fill in drummer doesn’t want to join the band permanently, but is happy to ‘fill in’ if needed

We talked about the possibility of letting our current drummer go – he’s a nice guy and has apparently been in the band 10 years and does good BV’s…. but his unavailability may be a problem – as he works on Saturdays during the summer and all gigs we’ve done this year I’ve been the one to set up and sound check his drums…

Hmmmmm looks like the band has a difficult decision to make

 

[NZBassman]

I was a full-time pro playing six nights a week when my Dad was dying in a hospice eighty miles away. I didn't get to be with him at the end as I didn't get back from the night's gig in time; he died a little sooner than expected in the early hours. That evening I just couldn't find a dep (this was an all sight-reading band with some tricky parts) so had no choice but to go and play. I thought I was doing OK with my pasted-on smile to cover my grief, but during a waltz a couple were dancing near the bandstand, and the man looked up at me and said: "Cheer up, duck, that may never 'appen."

Now I play just as a hobby but would never let my band down unless I were totally unable to get there e.g. medical emergency, vehicle breakdown etc.

I would have just cancelled the gig.... nothing is more important than family.... I would have been a blubbering mess on stage

a few years back our guitarists mother died (she had been quite ill for some time apparently)... he phoned singer during the week and singer just instantly cancelled the coming weekends gig (was just a pub gig) so guitarist could have time to grieve.

I actually did a fill in gig about 3-4 years ago for a band where the bass players mother had passed away the week before and he wasn't ready to go out on stage.